ℒeorio ℘aladinknight ([personal profile] teashades) wrote in [community profile] teaism2015-03-10 11:37 pm

(no subject)

[I didn't- I didn't mean to follow-

It was just some drunkard, he was alone- just someone....I can't believe, I-

What the hell am I suppose to say?! I can barely...I don't even remember what happened, I just-

No, dammit, listen to me!!

There's no brushing this off! There's no justifying what I did! I'm suppose- I'm the one who-

Dammit, dammit...!! You don't get it, do you- you don't get what the hell it means, this, to me-!!

You don't get it, dammit! Stop trying to tell me otherwise! Just because, just-

You're the one that acts like a monster. Not me.

At first, he can't quite believe it's been a week since that encounter. He hasn't been counting down the minutes and hours that passed since he last spoke to Kurapika, but in the end he doesn't really need to. Time drags on it's own, a slug's pace that leaves a sickly, pale film in it's wake. That's how he feels recently- like he's walking in slime- weighed down, stagnant. Of course the kids noticed, but thanks to their (combined) better judgement, they leave him be and look to him when he needs it the most. He's barely seen a glimpse of Kurapika since that fight- not a strand of blond hair or a pale flash in the dark to be seen.

He doesn't blame him. Leorio has already filed away every justification he's entitled to regarding his outburst. They're meager excuses compared to what he did...compared to the look he put on Kurapika's face. Leorio removes his shades from the bridge of his nose and presses the heel of his palm between his brows. He never thought he'd let these damned instincts take control...he hardly remembers killing that staggering stranger. But the thought of it is enough to bring bile up his chest and he swallows in a desperate attempt to keep it down. Here in his room, he won't find much closure- he's become painfully familiar with these walls.

He takes in the lighting in his room and gathers it's nearing 6pm, maybe later. The kids went out into town for new snacks to gnaw on, and him- being the mopey idiot he is- had declined. When he nears his window he thinks he sees them up ahead, walking down the pathway leading to their aging gate.

It's Kurapika. Leorio half expects him to look up, see him from the window, and turn right around (again, he wouldn't blame him). Instead, he watches the smaller male vanish from his view, hidden by unruly vines climbing their gate bars. The garden?

The garden. Leorio knows Alluka and Kurapika have been mulching and tending to that garden for a good while. It's become a shockingly successful splash of color in their otherwise dead patch of land, and Kurapika- for reasons that are still lost to him- tends to it like a mother would. His legs nearly quake at the idea of confronting him now. It's been days, he has...too much to say. It would come out in a jumble, a mess that had no beginning or no end. He'll probably yell. It would be the worst, for the both of them.

But somehow, it's not enough to stop him from heading downstairs, outside, and into the yard where the garden grows quietly. Leorio's face is sallow and small, but the tight line that makes his lips expresses his determination well enough.

dialtones: (and ill wait a lifetime)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-11 08:05 am (UTC)(link)
[This garden was the closest thing to home he'd have in this place. The plants were all different. There were no swirling stems or circling petals, no patterns in the bark or small winding weeds. Things were a lot more jagged and straight, a little less free, but even still, it felt freeing compared to the walls of the house. Especially after coming home from a bar that smelled heavily of smoke and booze, the fresh air, the peace and the silence were all something he needed.

It had been a sanctuary the past week. A place he could visit briefly in the odd hours of the day to help take care before leaving again, finding other chores to do so he wouldn't have to look Leorio in the eye. He didn't even want to risk it.

The words still sat heavy in his chest. They haunted him awake and asleep with memories of Otoya, memories of Uvogin, and all of the pride-less things he'd done in his line of work both here and home. The type of person he was becoming was sickening, but it was still nothing compared to the pain of his people. He firmly believed that, but no matter how many times he told himself that, it couldn't take away the look in Leorio's eyes when he'd spoken.

Of all people, he never thought Leorio would think so lowly of him, no matter what he did. It was his mistake.

Now, he was watering a small group of tulips that had bloomed nicely from the seeds he'd been given only a month or so ago. If he created like this, it was easier to forget about all the havoc he'd wreaked, and all the death that was everywhere. The changes of his friends and the lack of changes himself-- right, he hardly needed any to become a monster.

By the time he notices someone is approaching, it's too late to plan an escape. The footsteps alone are enough to tell who it is, but he feigns ignorance, waiting until his name is spoken to crouch lower to the ground. He doesn't look at him, even now. He can't.

He sets the watering can on the dirt, hand resting atop it for a long few seconds before he stands, viewing his work so far.]

...I won't be here long. I only wished to water them. [Not his usual sitting. Not this past week.]
dialtones: (tell me everything that you lost)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-11 08:54 am (UTC)(link)
[He notices Leorio's path from the corner of his eye, but by the time he turns and raises his hands to stop him, it's too late. The violets are crushed along with his heart, and for once, the expression on his face reflects it instantly. It's difficult to bother with putting up shields when you're so emotionally caught off guard.

Despite all of his thoughts and worries, he steps closer to Leorio, kneeling to examine the remains of this section of he garden as those words settle in. To see him? He wants to see him?

Well-- that's not surprising. It was likely that Leorio was going back on his thoughts. Part of him felt hopeful at that, wished to be given another chance, to yell at him about these dumb flowers and start new. But the more realistic part of himself knew that those words had been genuine. It wasn't that simple. Leorio had never been wrong, he'd only been honestly voicing his thoughts.

Thinking on all of his, his frown tugs further down as he takes a wilted violet in his palm.]

It's alright. [No, it's not, Alluka had planted these herself. He'd have to think on how to handle this, and to see them crushed... He drops it back to the ground, standing up slowly. For the first time in a week, he looks to Leorio directly, and exhaustion is all too clear on his face.]

Why see me?
dialtones: (so i say im sorry i cant ive got plans)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-12 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
[To talk? Kurapika lets his gaze linger on Leorio for a moment longer before he looks down to his right hand, for the chains that aren't there. Taking a few careful steps backwards, he turns around, hoping to lead Leorio away from his flowers. They can stay in the garden, but away from the unguarded plants.

It's as he thought, he thinks, still. Leorio is feeling guilty about his words. Some dark part of him thinks that maybe he's wrong, that Leorio came here to reaffirm them-- but despite his own thoughts on himself, he knows Leorio better than that. He's too kind. This was meant to be an apology.

His stomach still sinks remembering everything.]

I'm not upset with you. [He clarifies, forcing his voice stronger.] I was thinking the same thing.
dialtones: (and i breathe disaster ever after)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-12 04:16 am (UTC)(link)
[It's painful to hear these things, really. Leorio denying it now, after the fact, is just as harsh as when he'd said it at first. The thought had already come out. Now he was just back-stepping, trying to ease his feelings and justify these horrible actions for him...

He closes his eyes for a few seconds at his name, and when that last question hits him, he stops walking, turning to face him and opening his eyes. He looks grim, as always.]

I know that you think so, at least mostly. [But not all the way, right?] But there's a lot you haven't seen, Leorio, and just from what you had, you said those words.

I don't think they're wrong. [He looks down to his hand again, stretching out his fingers before curling them slowly.] I accepted this long ago, for the sake of my people.
dialtones: (what bugs me)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-12 05:11 am (UTC)(link)
[Those words stop him, and he finds himself looking up and over to Leorio. He's closer now, but somehow it doesn't feel like it's close enough. About him now? No, not yet, it shouldn't be-- not until he's put them all to rest. That's what he thinks, but Leorio points out what he can't deny.

He does feel sad. Why? Why... He was wondering that too.

Emotion wells up stronger in his chest as he thinks back on the moment. The way Leorio had looked at him, and felt so angry at him-- the way he'd said things like he'd been holding them back this whole time. It was strange, but over the past couple of years, Leorio had become something of a support beam, no matter how far he kept himself from him. He would always be kind, and honest. No matter what he seemed to do, Leorio had never judged him for it.

Something wet rolls down his cheek. Stunned and open, he stares at the ground between them and lifts a hand to touch it. Tears... He was crying? When was the last time he cried?]

I-- ["Why do you still look so damn sad?" Tension builds in his face when they don't stop, and his other hand raises to join the first, wiping them away desperately. No, he shouldn't be-- this is nothing compared to what his people went through! He presses his palms over his eyes, lowering his face even more. This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen.]

I don't... [He doesn't know.]
dialtones: (is that you believe what youre saying)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-12 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
[This moment doesn't feel real. His emotions are too much, and while he's worked his whole life to be able to control them and seem composed, it's only seemed to work against his progress. He's always frayed at the edges and ready to explode, with anger, and now with this.

He's ashamed for this outburst at all, but as he's pulled closer and presses his hands against Leorio's chest to rest, he feels soothed somehow. It's comforting, to know that he wants to apologize. Even if he won't forget those words, if he'll always doubt now, he was relieved to hear this.]

I've barely changed at all. [He forces out the words, and his crying isn't enough where he's choking between sobs or anything, but it is strained. A quiet sort of crying. It fits him.] While all of you...

[Have so much more pain to go through. His fingers curl into Leorio's shirt as he tries to focus, to calm himself, to stop crying. It's working, albeit slowly. He takes in a slow breath.]

I apologize, Leorio.
dialtones: (and help you find a way)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-12 06:51 am (UTC)(link)
[Anger surprises him in this moment too, and he's left blinking stunned at Leorio as he's forced away so their eyes can meet. Leorio keeps going on and on, and the sadness that he'd forced down is pulled out of him bit by bit, now. He can make things sound so simple, and with such a fire.

He's shaken a little, too, but anger doesn't rise up, and even Kurapika is surprised by it. He's too emotionally drained from this week of pure worry and self-deprecating thoughts. He ends up focusing instead on how touched he is, how much Leorio's words reach out to him and slap him where they should. He'd been thinking all this time he didn't have a home, and yet...]

You're loud.

[The first words that come out are teasing, and Leorio will notice that a small but genuine smile has moved into place for Kurapika. His hands raise and rest softly at Leorio's wrists, and he looks at him directly, now. He's no longer crying, even if it's clear that he had been. There's just this tired and relieved smile coming after a week long fight.]

...If I can't apologize, then I'll say thank you. I don't know how I managed to get make such kind friends. [A pause, as he debates throwing Leorio's words back at him-- and he does:] You especially.

Though I'm not sure I'm prepared for you sticking to me.
dialtones: (and admit youre an asshole)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-13 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
Just this once, I suppose I could keep quiet.

[The answer comes quick like most of his wit, but soft and gently teasing. It's heavily affectionate; it's hard not to be so with Leorio, after all. Even the gross sniffling into his hair was endearing, somehow, and as he's held close again, Kurapika raises his hands to wrap around Leorio in return.

He thought he'd felt the height of his mood for the day when he'd smiled, but now, as he sits in this embrace, his chest feels like it's swelling, ready to burst with how light he feels. How warm he feels... The erratic beats of his own heart mismatch with Leorio's, who's just close enough for Kurapika to hear. His whole body is tingling at the thought of them just standing here like this, enjoying each other's company, not fighting, only promising to stay together. Teasing. Smiling. Crying...

It's a little dangerous, too. The risk he feels as he slides his hands back to Leorio's chest, to the small bit of space left between him, and hesitates there, is so much different than he's felt in any fight. It roots deep, branching out to a more focused blink at the cloth before him and a twitch of his fingers. He's not sure why he's tempted to do this all of a sudden, but every bit of himself is screaming out at this chance, at this small bit of closeness before things return to normal and they're further away again.

He pulls back a little, gentle and cautious as his hands slide upward in a quick motion. One tugs at the collar of Leorio's shirt to pull him even further down. One hand touches to one side of his cheek while his face moves closer to the other, and for a brief moment, Leorio can probably catch the look of focus on Kurapika's face.]


[What was he going to say? Something important was on the tip of his tongue, but he relies on action, instead. Even still, he hesitates in this, and the kiss ends up being a small peck on his cheek that lasts a few more seconds than most would. He feels ashamed already, fingers curling against Leorio's cheek as he pulls away once more, this time enough to change his directions and try to walk past him, towards the mansion. God, what was he thinking--

Just play it off.]

...We should probably go inside.
dialtones: (you wanna test the waters)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-13 07:12 am (UTC)(link)
[Never before had disappointment and relief merged so perfectly for Kurapika as they did now. He'd walked away from Leorio and not a word or a reach attempted to stop him, and the second they stepped through the doors, their time together was interrupted by the rest of the members of the house. Not that that was a bad thing. Kurapika had stood there and watched them with a small smile for just long enough to be happy that they had each other, and then he'd headed upstairs to his room.

He hadn't been here, really, in a whole week, so there was plenty to do. He visited his room, first, scrounging around for what seeds he could to make up for the damaged flowers earlier. He read a book he'd picked up earlier in town about tales, next, eventually abandoning that when it grew too dark for even lights to aid him.

Kurapika felt... restless. Leorio's face kept coming to mind, and he replayed each earlier moment in his head. The anger, the sadness, the comfort, and the end-- he'd really shocked Leorio, there. He'd shocked himself. But fortunately (or unfortunately, he thinks in a faint, barely present way) he was always good at playing things off and seeming composed, and Leorio was always one to be baffled and drop it. Wasn't that right? It seemed that way from where he stood.

Not wanting to go outside again after such a long week of wandering, he finds himself up in the attic. It's not really dusty anymore, Kurapika notices, and wonders if that's Leorio's doing, as well, or the kids. Perhaps both? Boxes and items are sure arranged like a little hideout, and he has to duck and step around things to get to the more open area of it.

There's a faint sting from earlier still lingering, and he's sure that's what's making him so restless, but that only leads to more confusion. Why had he done that, anyway? Just kissed him out of the blue? He'd just-- he'd sounded so genuine, so happy, and he didn't want any of that to change. He wanted to say that he treasured it. That he was foolish to think otherwise at any point.

Instead, he'd just done that.

His slow, strolling steps around the open part of the attic had moved to a stop, by now, and one hand raises gingerly to touch at his lips in thought. Maybe--

The creak of a board snaps him out of his thoughts immediately, and his hand yanks away from his mouth, resting awkwardly on an old table nearby in an attempt to appear casual. He was caught off guard! He has to duck a little, blinking past old antiques and crates of junk to realize who it is.]

dialtones: (breaking through your walls)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-14 12:28 am (UTC)(link)
[It's hard not to notice how hard Leorio is trying to be casual, but it's still a little difficult to pinpoint why that is. He could be flustered from earlier and not wanting to comment on it... but does that mean it was something he shouldn't have done? Speculation could take him around in circles, here, and so he tries to push past it.

Like by focusing on those words. So it was his doing...]

It's very nice. Did you do this for Gon and the others? [There's something knowing in his eye as he asks that (what else would he do it for?), and he lets out a soft chuckle.] You really are like a big brother to them.

[He's been thinking that this whole time he's known him, but it's the first time he's said it aloud. Ah, he's already picturing that'll inflate his ego-- but maybe that's okay after everything this week.

Still, it's late, after all, isn't it? So why come to the attic? Nevermind that he had wandered here himself.]

What brings you up here?
dialtones: (one day youll learn)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-14 02:34 am (UTC)(link)
[As expected, Leorio reacts with such pride to that remark, and Kurapika has to work to hold back from laughing. He manages, focusing on something else in the attic in the meantime. Somehow, those words silence him even when they're not surprising, and he finds himself stilling as his friend moves closer.

It's ridiculous. Just the difference of a few feet has his starting up, and he has to remind himself to breath as he pulls back his hands from the shelf nearby. But looking back at that face staring up at him has him forgetting all over again.

He'd never meant to set of this chain of reactions with just a simple action, earlier. Is that what this was? He's figured by now that it's all himself. All in his own head. He's standing here silently losing his mind, and Leorio must be clueless-- what else could it be? He hadn't said a word!

It ends up where he's been staring cluelessly at Leorio for a couple of long seconds before he presses his lips together and raises a palm in a weak gesture.]

Of course it is. [He's... Well, he didn't want to be lonely, either.] ...I could use the company.
dialtones: (dont you move)

[personal profile] dialtones 2015-03-14 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
A... light?

[Oh, matches? He stares after Leorio as he steps off into the darkness, confusion covering his features.]

You're going to light that? What for? [He's asking things and making this whole scenario far less smooth, but he's lost in a train of thought that has him thinking this is one-sided. Even still, he starts poking around, looking for a box of matches.

A box of matches that shouldn't have been left up here in reach of children to begin with, he thinks, but he won't say that aloud this once. He's too distracted. Nervousness mix with the actual damage his heart has taken, and it makes him a little hesitant overall. Eventually, he spots a big crate and has to lean over it a bit to properly reach inside, brows furrowing together as he picks up a box that seems to be the right shape and size...]

Ah! [His toes touch back to the ground as he holds up his prize. Opened, but there were more than a few matches left. He turns back into the darkness of the attic. Leorio might not have trouble seeing in the dark, but his eyes are no different. Where did he go...]

I found them. [Pulling out one, he lights it just like that, blinking through the new light source for Leorio.]

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I MEAN.... YES...

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leorio: leopika is real

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oh my god that song Works

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