teaism | more hurt/comfort, neverending

more hurt/comfort, neverending

[Sometimes, it's just too difficult to sleep. The thoughts, the responsibilities, the nightmares that are likely to show up. Guren is tired of it all, and when staring at his ceiling just won't do the trick, he decides to take a walk.

It wasn't surprising to find himself walking to Bluo. There was no real intention to bother anyone at this hour. The stars were bright against an unnaturally dark sky, even if the water won't properly reflect them when it's this murky in the harbor. It's late, and even as he moves to pass by Dextera's house, look at their tulips, he doesn't expect to see him outside, as well.

He moves up quietly, though he doesn't make any attempt to hide his approaching footsteps. Near the water, looking at the sky, it seems that Dextera wasn't able to fall asleep, either.]

Can't sleep? [So, he speaks up, settling down to sit beside him without asking, and giving him a curious look. Maybe it's something he can help with.]

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...

[ what a request.

like he doesn’t already think of guren so much, every day, all the time—except now, he supposes, with the archangel’s weight on his shoulders pushing him to insomnia. dextera nods, and then he’s turning his head, just a little, recklessly taking advantage of this closeness.

a bad decision? yes, he knows it is. it’s just that the two of them are so close that dextera’s chest aches, and such comforting words make him feel too calm and too brave at the same time.

so he touches his lips to guren’s, so softly it could be an accident, but he very much means it. ]

[In an instant, every ounce of confidence he was exuding slips away. There's warmth, the touch of their lips, and his chest swells with feeling, wanting more of it. He presses closer, curls his fingers where they are, and halfway through a desperately longing response to that kiss, he forces himself to stop.

This happened out of nowhere. Is he experiencing this, really? Did he fall asleep and this is just some dream? But he can feel Dextera's breath against his skin, the warmth of his hand linked with his, and his heart is aching too much with desire. This is real.]

Please... [A little unsteady sounding, with him so uncertain of what to do next. With Dextera, it could mean anything, couldn't it? He can't deal with that.] Don't do that unless you really mean it.

[Does he really mean it...]

[ dextera means it. when he hears guren's uncertainty, asking please of him, it causes him to hesitate—like he's done the wrong thing—but it seems like all guren wants is the assurance that dextera isn't doing this for a lark.

he hadn't planned it, no, but it's no less sincere for being spontaneous. the moment was asking for it, and dextera isn't so strong as to deny himself his own feelings. guren has always been there for him, assuring him through every low point, and that would be enough for a friendship, but dextera wants even more than that. he wants to be as close to guren as he can be, in every imaginable way.

it's such a need that his scar aches, and he answers guren by kissing him again, more certain now. ]

[That's all the answer he needs. He'd been thinking of it himself, but too frozen to act on it, and so Dextera being the one to make that move, and being so certain to do it again... It was the reassurance he needed.

He kisses back, shifting completely so his whole body is turned to face Dextera's. It's just kissing... kissing that starts chaste and sweet but deepens with his desire to share his emotions, but he still is so into it that he might end up pressing Dextera back onto the ground, gradually.]

[ kissing by the water under a starry sky... it's very romantic, and dextera can't appreciate any of the clichés that hang over them right now. he's wrapped up in guren, in relieving all the tension that he never had a name for before, and he doesn't even mind—or notice—that he's being pushed back.

guren wouldn't hurt him. he's not the archangel. guren's eyes are that safe, lovely purple, that comfort dextera was asked to think of in times of crisis. ]

Hh...

[ eventually, though, he has to part for a breath, and the spell is somewhat broken after that. he tightens his fingers in their shared grip, and only now does it seem like he's nervous. ]

[Guren catches his breath, himself, eyes traveling over Dextera from where he leans over him. One hand is propping himself up, against the ground, and the other is still held tightly with Dextera's.

He's... way too eager to keep going. He can recognize that, force himself to slow, to stop, if necessary.]

Was I too much? [He got kind of into it.]

[ dextera is eager, too, but that eagerness also feels like a restless buzzing under his skin. he can't believe he did that, suddenly, and it's even more shocking that guren kissed back—that guren wanted it. ]

...

[ he shakes his head here on the ground, eyes wide, but now that they're apart enough that guren can see his face, he mouths one small, terrified word. ]

Okay?

It's okay. It's more than okay.

[He can't believe Dextera looks so scared. He's blaming the archangel for this, again, but he's aware it's probably his own fault. He didn't show this enough. He held back, for what he thought was for their sake. But now, he looks so worried...

Guren brings their joined hands up to his face, to his mouth, where he kisses the back of his fingers gently.]

I've wanted to do this for a long time. [He's never spoken so gently to anyone else before. Not to Mahiru, not to his precious friends. Some people came close, usually girls, but it was never like this. Dextera was someone he had to be gentle with, but would still accept his rough sides. It was just... a special bond.]

Now, I don't want to stop.

[ for a long time. dextera isn’t sure he believes that, even though it’s coming from guren’s mouth. he’s admitting it openly, softly, with such a sweet kiss that dextera feels like he could cry.

instead, he swallows back that emotion. he’s so happy, but he doesn’t want to shed any tears over it. it’s just that—he wanted this, too, without even really knowing it.

he never allows himself to dwell on this kind of thing. ]

...me too.

[Guren feels like he wants to cry, too. He's holding back, like he always does, but it's the feeling itself he can't shake. This overwhelming emotion.]

Then... why should we stop? We should just keep going.

[Things become so different when Dextera admits that he feels the same. Their separate worlds and separate fates don't matter. Just this closeness, here, under the stars. He leans closer, pressing his lips against Dextera's.]

Isn't that fine? To do whatever we want.

...

[ dextera closes his eyes. it is fine—it’s all fine, and even if it’s more difficult to deal with tomorrow when the night doesn’t feel endless, for now it really does seem like it’s okay.

“why should we stop?” he asks, like it’s so easy. maybe it is.

dextera pushes back, kissing guren with intention when their lips touch, the air around them heavy with promise. they’re out in the open and someone could easily discover them, but—

that could be fine, too. ]

[Being out in the open is only making his heart beat faster. It's fine, he doesn't care, and doesn't that say everything? That it's fine beneath the stars like this, just outside of Dextera's house, too much in the open.

It's like this has been waiting to come out for ages, and now it was overflowing between them. He almost doesn't know how to handle all of these emotions, all of this desire. He just kisses, open-mouthed and inviting, searching, desperate to feel Dextera as close as he can.

Eventually, his body lowers, and he doesn't want to rest on top of him or anything, but he's lowered enough that their bodies brush more than a few times.]

[ dextera doesn’t want to pry their hands apart, no matter how awkward the angle becomes, but eventually, he needs to sign against guren’s chest with his free hand.

it’s desperate, and he’s mouthing the sentiment too. ]

I love you.

[ and again, and again—he loves guren, and after he says it once, it seems to come out of him endlessly. ]

[ The breath he takes in is shaky, after that, and he takes a moment to process it. This is sincere. It’s so sincere it hurts, and though it surprises him, the block in his heart there to keep him from focusing on feelings like these is moving, slipping aside enough that he can respond. ]

I... [ He struggles with this. He feels like a child for it, but already he’s gotten more out than before. He’s worried that as soon as he says it, something horrible will happen. He doesn’t know why. ]

I love you, too. [ But he says it, whispered and emotional as it is, and he swallows hard to hold back his tears, still. He ducks down further to touch his forehead to the ground near Dextera’s face. Once is all he can manage. ]

[ that’s all right. once is more than enough, because guren tried, and even if he had said nothing, dextera could have probably gotten something out of it.

they love each other. a feeling he never thought he would know—it’s incredible. ]

...

[ he exhales, letting the fervor of their kissing subside, in the quiet of the night. there’s no sound from the water, but that too is fine, for now. he rubs the hand that was signing so hopefully stroke down guren’s back instead, and his heart pounds in his throat. ]

[ It’s nice and terrifying all at the same time. He’s still going to punch the archangel if he ever sees him, but maybe he just doesn’t have to share that information. Maybe he can just hug and kiss and love on Dextera until he feels better. ]

...

[ He has plenty he could say. That he wants to be the only one on Dextera’s mind sometimes. That he thinks he can help him fall asleep. Instead, he just turns to kiss the side of his neck, and slips to rest on his side next to him, instead of over him. ]

[ dextera hasn't forgotten that guren couldn't sleep either, or else he wouldn't have even come out here in the first place—but they're here together now, and dextera doesn't feel tired at all. it's becoming a good feeling now, though. strange in his exhaustion, his emotions running high, but those emotions are welcome when he was earlier dwelling on his fear. ]

...mm.

[ a quiet, grateful sound. dextera is still on his back, staring up at the sky—and it seems he's lost where the malkuth cross was, only able to trace out the pattern of the constellations he made with guren. he wants to keep kissing, but not in that desperate, hungry way they were before. he just wants to feel guren, and so he turns his face just enough to kiss guren's hair.

he still smells like that shampoo dextera liked so much. ]

[What a nice little kiss. He was having trouble sleeping before, and he's sure he could stay up all night like this, kissing slowly, rolling around by the water. It'd be nice— whatever they could do without interruption.

He rests his hand over Dextera's cheek and moves up, slowly, to catch his lips in yet another kiss. Slow, affectionate, loving. It is all very romantic. Their first kiss, under the stars, followed by hundreds of other kisses in varying types and lengths. He likes it.]

C'mere. [He mumbles it against his lips with a grin, his hand slipping down to Dextera's shoulder and arm, encouraging him to turn closer, to fall into this kissing with him again.]

Ah...

[ dextera can feel guren’s smile, and that’s better than any kiss, really.

though now that they’ve done it once, twice, a few times now—dextera wants to keep kissing, not yet satisfied since guren is drawing him back into it.

he returns the kiss slowly, and there’s something in the back of his mind that tells him where he should go, what he should do, but it’s not enough to say that he has experience. he’s following instinct, and instinct still leaves him shy.

he can’t believe guren wants this. ]

[He wants this. He wants this, and he wants more, and he wants it so much. When an impatient noise slips out in the middle of his kiss, he breaks it again, catching his breath as close as they are and letting an arm wrap over Dextera and smooth up his back.]

Should I stop? [Because boy is he realizing he won't unless he's told to, now.]

[ dextera shakes his head, though he realizes it’s a somewhat unnecessary gesture when they’re so close. ]

No. [ he mouths it instead. ] Don’t stop.

[ that might be a dangerous allowance when it seems like they want each other quite badly—but if neither of them can sleep, why not take advantage of the night? ]

[Hmmm, that is giving him a lot of freedom. He kisses again, short and sweet, and his hand slips back down Dextera's back, tracing his whole spine, pointedly.]

In your room, or out here?

[Honestly, he's not sure either is more "private", so it's just a matter of Dextera's preference. Either they go too far out here by the water, in the open, or they try to make it to Dextera's room and Guren probably starts kissing him hungrily in the hallway. It's all good.]

I don't want to stop at all.

[ there’s something in guren’s tone that makes dextera shiver, but it’s good, warmth pooling in his stomach at the feeling of being so wanted—and wanting in return, as if there could be any doubt that he’s in love with guren’s touch. ]

Ah—

[ he’s horny. there is no excuse for it, except that he has a lot of desire in his chest, and making a decision when he wants all of this right now is almost impossible. he pushes himself closer to guren. ]

Here.

[ made on the fact he doesn’t want to move. ]

[What are two horny "friends" going to do, out by the water, enjoying kisses. It's natural progression, even if he knows he's maybe jumping too fast and should slow down for Dextera's sake. Maybe he should make them stop, tell him they can do this later.

But desire is twisting under his skin, and he just can't. Time is limited. They could be interrupted with a horrible event the next morning. Who knows when they'll be able to have a quiet moment together again? And so, he pulls Dextera closer to him, kissing at his lips until his weight shifts to roll him on his back again.

Then, his hand pulls back. He's just got a button down and some pants on, and maybe if he goes first, Dextera can feel relaxed. He undoes the first few buttons to his shirt, quietly, eyes watching Dextera's face. Then, he dips down, kissing him again as his hand works at the rest. He'll leave it open, but he won't bother with shrugging it off.]

[ there’s a look of interest on dextera’s face that guren almost certainly has not seen before. everyone at home always told him that he was too obvious when the heat of arousal started to overtake him, but maybe that’s not a bad thing now. he breathes out, and then guren is kissing him again, so dextera touches his chest—roaming, interested in the feeling of skin under his fingers. ]

...

[ surprise! a horny dextera is a bold dextera, and one of his hands slides up, over guren’s shoulder, his fingers prying under the fabric of guren’s sleeve in order to try to push it off.

taking it slow “for dextera’s sake” seems to be disagreeable right now. ]

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