Guren Ichinose (
swordfucker) wrote in
teaism2018-05-20 09:06 pm
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more hurt/comfort, neverending
[Sometimes, it's just too difficult to sleep. The thoughts, the responsibilities, the nightmares that are likely to show up. Guren is tired of it all, and when staring at his ceiling just won't do the trick, he decides to take a walk.
It wasn't surprising to find himself walking to Bluo. There was no real intention to bother anyone at this hour. The stars were bright against an unnaturally dark sky, even if the water won't properly reflect them when it's this murky in the harbor. It's late, and even as he moves to pass by Dextera's house, look at their tulips, he doesn't expect to see him outside, as well.
He moves up quietly, though he doesn't make any attempt to hide his approaching footsteps. Near the water, looking at the sky, it seems that Dextera wasn't able to fall asleep, either.]
Can't sleep? [So, he speaks up, settling down to sit beside him without asking, and giving him a curious look. Maybe it's something he can help with.]
It wasn't surprising to find himself walking to Bluo. There was no real intention to bother anyone at this hour. The stars were bright against an unnaturally dark sky, even if the water won't properly reflect them when it's this murky in the harbor. It's late, and even as he moves to pass by Dextera's house, look at their tulips, he doesn't expect to see him outside, as well.
He moves up quietly, though he doesn't make any attempt to hide his approaching footsteps. Near the water, looking at the sky, it seems that Dextera wasn't able to fall asleep, either.]
Can't sleep? [So, he speaks up, settling down to sit beside him without asking, and giving him a curious look. Maybe it's something he can help with.]
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But right now, it's too much. He can feel his fists beating against Shinya's chest, begging him to come back, but it's not just Shinya. The body changes, as do the ones in all of the coffins around him. New friends. And Dextera, lifeless, refusing to wake up, unable to breathe.
The vampire that looks so amused by it all is always the same, though, and while tears run down his cheeks, he's grabbed, and he knocks back against it harshly.]
Let go of me!
[It's so loud, it's a miracle he doesn't wake anyone else in the house. It was Dextera's arm that he'd smacked back with too much force, and now that he's pushed himself up and scrambled back a bit, he can blink through teary eyes to see that he's in Dextera's bedroom, nowhere else. Not surrounded by coffins or dead friends.
He's breathing heavy, and he can't get his face to go back to normal. He looks terrified.]
Dex— [That movement with his arm wasn't enough to break bones or anything, but it was still so rough, and he's trying to address it now, but clearly struggling. He's only just realized there are tears left on his cheeks, and he brings that defensive arm up to wipe them away, looking down.]
I didn't mean you. I'm sorry.
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but guren was crying, and even in the dim light of the room, dextera can see that fear, that pain, that anguish taking him over in a way that dextera has no idea how to address. he’s trembling, just a little, his empathy in this moment maybe a bit too strong, and he reaches out with kind, shaking fingers.
he’s fine. it didn’t hurt.
more importantly, even if it had hurt, guren is hurting so much worse, and dextera has never seen him like this. if it’s something he can’t even try to hide— ]
...
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I'm okay. It was just a nightmare.
[But his voice is strained, he's still breathing hard, and it still hurts like he's in the moment. How powerful... He really thought he was there. He couldn't see past it at all. The hand not holding onto Dextera's makes a fist against his forehead, and he tries to chase it away. It was just a nightmare, so why is he still feeling this panic?]
I thought you— [An attempt at an explanation, for Dextera's sake, is more difficult than he thought. The words catch audibly in his throat, and he struggles to find the rest of his sentence.] I couldn't protect you.
[That's the best he can get out right now.]
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...
[ dextera squeezes guren’s fingers, scooting himself closer to cover the distance that was put between them, and he lifts their joined hands to his mouth to gently press his lips to guren’s knuckles.
undeniable contact can only help, right? dextera is warm and alive, and the nightmare should be over now. ]
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His free hand moves, resting fondly at Dextera's other cheek, brushing his fingers there, and moving them back to his neck. His breathing is steadying. He's glad he was here, at Dextera's side, so he could be soothed so immediately. If he were in his own house, he might have had to walk all the way here and wake Dextera up without explanation.
But his hand is traveling down Dextera's neck, to the front of his chest, stopping at where his heart is.]
Don't go anywhere.
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...
[ but he nods, closing his eyes, leaning close enough to rest their foreheads together as if he can force guren to match his breathing by proximity alone.
calm down, he says without words. for as long as he can help that, he won’t go anywhere. ]
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Guren is going back and forth on feeling better or worse, but at least Dextera moving closer helps. He shifts their joined hands to actually intertwine their fingers.]
I'm fine. [He has his own lies that he insists on every time, so it should be fine. But he's worried, and he wants to know Dextera is close. Curling his fingers loosely against his chest, Guren tilts his head so that he can lean in closer, pressing his lips to Dextera's in a quiet ghost of a kiss.
It's faint, it's barely there, but it's what he wants.]
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he’s a burden. and yet, guren wants him, is kissing him now, and dextera doesn’t think so lowly of guren that he would take any of this as a desperation for any company. ]
...mm.
[ a soft breath, a softer voice, and he tilts his head forward to return that kiss. he’s not the one who had the nightmare, but he selfishly wants this too. ]
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More of this instead of anything else. Just this warmth, his presence, his sounds, and the rising pleasure, and afterwards, they can enjoy the silence of everything except their own breathing. That's what he's thinking, and his intention is clear when he kisses again, deeper, tongue slipping into his mouth as his own hum slips out.
He can feel every move, every breath, hear his fidgets, his shifts closer.]
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...OK?
[ the night is so quiet that he can hear his fingers rustling the fabric of guren's clothes as he signs against them. it's a simple question, but he thinks any answer will tell him what he needs to know. ]
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...
[He decides that he doesn't know how to answer that, but his silence is probably a good enough answer. He knows that, too. He's not really okay, but what is there to do? The only thing he can think of is to get closer, to remember that Dextera is here, right now, and that he shouldn't think too far ahead.]
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but he soon shifts, propping himself up so he can kiss guren’s forehead, then his nose, then his mouth again. it’s tender because that’s what dextera wants, and he pulls back so he can brush his fingers against guren’s cheek.
just to look. it’s okay, if he wants to look, isn’t it? ]
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Still, by the time he's kissed on the mouth again, he's smiling, and his fond gaze meets Dextera's. His hand caresses Dextera's cheek.]
That helps.
[More of the kissing, he'll feel better in no time.]
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he would do anything to keep guren safe and comfortable and sane, and if kissing is something that helps, he’ll kiss until guren pushes him off. that fond look, knowing he’s done something right, is all he needs. ]
...heh.
[ he was worried, and he still is, so the next place he decides to kiss is guren’s neck—which is pretty saucy, but then he just stays there, which makes it seem a little more affectionate than flirtatious. ]
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His hand finds its way to the back of Dextera's head, running through his hair. His head tilts back so that he can kiss wherever he wants on his neck, and Guren can enjoy it that much more.]
As long as you're here, alive and with me, it'll be fine. I just want to feel that.
[Some more explanation, there, to reassure.]
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[ dextera feels more confident, answering yes to that now. he didn’t lie when he promised to stay alive before, but it was pressured by his own fear, his own anxiety.
now, when he kisses guren’s neck again—and again—as a yes, even he feels like he believes it. he can give guren “alive.”
and if he’s starting to feel frisky from this confidence, it’s best not to comment on it. let him roll with this, pressing his hand against guren’s chest for balance as he kisses harder. ]
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He hums to show his pleasure, and that worry from before is chased away with every exciting movement against him. Even a simple hand on his chest makes him feel loved, and he loves that. His free hand moves around Dextera as well, hooking at his waist, hand pressed to the small of his back to encourage him, draw him closer slightly.]
Dextera... [It's amazing how much desire can come from speaking just a name, but desire is a much better feeling than sorrow and loss, and he gives way to it easily. His fingers curl tighter in his hair.]
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it’s not crazy, that he would want to touch guren this much after seeing him so scared. ]
Mm...
[ a response, hummed against guren’s neck, and he tilts his head to kiss guren’s jaw, since he’s a little too shy to do things like bite or suck completely unprompted.
what he can do is smooth his palm across guren’s chest, feeling him.
some might even say groping....... ]
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He's curious to see Dextera's desire grow, shamelessly, and while he'll be here to nudge him with suggestions or guidance along the way, he doesn't mind taking it slow and seeing where this goes. Kissing, touching now... It makes him want to shiver in excitement.
In return, his hand moves up Dextera's back in that same searching, sliding back down and past where it had been resting, to his ass. He won't grope (yet), it's subtle!]
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it is subtle, though, the way guren touches him, and dextera only notices because he's so rarely touched there by anyone. he actually does shiver, pulling back from guren's neck to look him in the eye—rather than the embarrassment that might be expected from a moment like this, there's that particularly special wanting look in his eye. asking for more, asking for permission to do more without saying anything.
guren alone gets to see dextera at his most desirous. ]
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[He loves that look in his eyes, and for that, he gives his ass a nice squeeze. He's defeated the coat, he can witness this butt all on his own.] Do whatever you want. If you mark up my neck, maybe I'll even give you some in return.
[That's a promise? A reward? He's phrasing it as such, because he sure likes the idea.]
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he can do what he wants, and with the promise of a reward, it's altogether irresistible. ]
...
[ what he does first, though, is touch guren's face to guide him in for another kiss. this is how he wants to start his exploration, however deep or shallow this little smooch ends up. ]
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But they're so close, he has so much else to be happy for. Like how his hands can roam, sliding back up his back and down, one of them moving to the front to push at whatever he's got on that he was sleeping in. That dumb coat?? Just a shirt?? Doesn't matter, Guren wants it gone so he can feel more.
With that nightmare far behind him, nothing else matters but them being closer, now.]
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there's a moment, where he gives guren a look that might seem shy—but in this context? it's really more like coy, since he's learned not to be too embarrassed about that scar, about what his body looks like under his clothes. he looks much better than he did, these days, than when he first arrived in this town. there's a flush of life in his cheeks, and he's filled out thanks to everyone fussing over his health.
congrats, round two, on unlocking a dextera that doesn't look like a corpse, guren!! ]
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I could look at you all night.
[Forward... surprisingly forward, with this type, from Guren...! It just works with Dextera, and he can have more fun, slipping hands back down to grab at his waist, tugging lightly to encourage him closer.] But I want to feel you, too.