teaism | I have never loved a darker blue

I have never loved a darker blue

[The room Dextera is in now is a fair size, but a little crowded with how many people have moved into it. The floor, ceiling and walls are all white, the lights are bright, and Dextera is flanked by a soldier on either side, carrying some form of enchanted weapon. They're currently facing Kureto, who's seated on the only bed in the room, wrists and ankles chained together. Despite that, he looks serious, and he seems to be completely in charge, shooting the blonde man leaning at the side of the room a sharp and analyzing look before he turns to one of the other few soldiers in the room.

"Get Guren in here now."

"Yes sir!"

The whole building seems to be on lockdown like this, so of course when Dextera was found wandering inside of what was supposed to be protected territory, he was brought in immediately. The second Guren's name had been mentioned, Kureto's face had scrunched in brief irritation, and he'd whisked them all away to this room. Not much else has been said, so far.

Until now, when Kureto leans forward, arms resting over his legs and hands folded together in thought. Everyone in the room is watching him, not quite sure what's going to happen next. But—

"Who are you? What are you to Guren? How did you get past my men?" A row of questions all at once, from Kureto, quite seriously. Shinya looks a little troubled by this, but he doesn't say a word, turning his own curious eyes on Dextera. He wants to know, too, after all.]

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[ dextera knows he’s in guren’s world. there are certain features he recognizes, even if everything is blurry and a mix of nausea and fear has light blooming at the corners of his vision, and he knows some of the people in front of him.

kureto, shinya. guren’s companions, albeit in complicated ways that dextera really was never able to make sense of. ]

…

[ his heart threatens to pound right out of his chest under the interrogation. when he fantasized about coming back to guren, it wasn’t like this. things were smoother, and it was a loving reunion that awaited him—not soldiers and an unrelenting voice. the sound of his own voice is smaller for it, barely escaping from his throat.

his eyes are on the ground, and so it’s almost inaudible when he actually manages to form a thought. ]

I…

[ distantly, he realizes that he doesn’t speak japanese, but somehow things are being communicated. is this the power of god? is he speaking in tongues? ]

Guren… I want to see…

[Kureto narrows his eyes a little further, and lifts a hand at the other soldiers in the room. All of them other than Shinya, and including the ones at Dextera's side, bow in their respect before slipping out of the room. This is going nowhere, obviously, and for as long as Guren isn't in here, he wants to find out what he can. So his eyes snap back over to Shinya, accusing. "Do you know who he is?"

"Hmm...nope." Shinya's reply is lighthearted and easy, hiding all of his own anxious and concerned thoughts behind a thin smile, like always.

"He was looking at you like he recognizes you."

"He gave you that look, too."

The conversation is a quick one, Kureto's tense, short words contradicting sharply with Shinya's drawn out and relaxed ones. The pause is heavy, because of it, and silence stretches for a long few seconds before Kureto stands. Somehow, the sounds of his chains aren't as oppressive as the quiet steps of his feet that bring him closer. He's looking down at Dextera now.

"You have something powerful inside of you." He can tell, thanks to something inside of him right now, and that's strange enough that Shinya's eyes snap back over more notably. Kureto doesn't budge. "Are you another experiment?"]

[ dextera is terrified, of course.

it feels like a dream, in a way, as if nothing will have any consequences until guren shows up—but dextera knows better than that, too, and even like this he’s aware of how carefully he must tread. these people are not to be trifled with, even guren’s precious friends.

he never realized until this very moment just how mired in all of this guren is. ]

I’m… not.

[ sort of, anyway. he’s not one of guren’s. his head stays bowed as he answers, but the response comes a little more promptly now that kureto is standing close. ]

Please… don’t make me explain anything.

[As if on cue, there's a quick knock on the door before a soldier pushes it open, bowing his head as he lets Guren in and closes it right back behind him. Guren looks tired, as usual, but his expression is guarded. He always has to be careful about how he walks in on a conversation with Kureto, these days, especially when he's summoned for no reason that he's aware of.

Even still, it's difficult to contain the shock he feels when his eyes pass over the room and find Dextera. His eyes only linger half a second longer than the others, but he's sure he was caught.

More than that, he's sure Dextera has already blurted something.]

Did you call me back to tease you some more?

[Kureto is interrupted from continuing his intimidation on Dextera, at least, when Guren enters the room. But it's Shinya who laughs at that first, pushing away from the wall slightly to step closer to Guren.

"He's already back to being serious. Right, brother?"

From the look in his eyes, Kureto isn't in the mood to humor any of that, but he doesn't discourage it, either. Irritating things like that somehow make him feel a little more in control, after all. More importantly, though: "We found him close by. He says he knows you."

Guren follows Kureto's gesture with his eyes, looking at Dextera more directly. Ah, of course it's like that. It's not like he can soften his gaze in this type of scene, but he can at least have an excuse to give him this direct eye contact now. He's not sure how long Dextera can deal with just standing there, either, so he's already thinking through every different possibility of how to deal with this.]

[ dextera’s attention is captured the instant that the door opens, but he holds himself still solely thanks to the fact that kureto is still standing terrifyingly near to him. running into guren’s arms wouldn’t benefit anyone in this situation, as much as dextera wants out of this tense moment.

he wonders if guren remembers him, but with a look like that—he must, right? dextera can’t have come all this way just to be forgotten, and surely guren won’t let them be separated either. ]

…

[ it’s clear that he wants to talk, but then he looks at the people around him, where they are, and he silences himself even if the urge is obvious in the way he holds his body.

he hadn’t intended to cause trouble for guren, but it seems like anything he does will be something to deal with in this world.

something does occur to him, though—perhaps desperation, certainly not the actions of someone who’s thinking completely straight, but there is one quick, easy way of telling if guren remembers anything at all. he’s grateful that he apparently doesn’t pose enough of a threat to be bound, because with one quick sweep of his hands, down his chest like a breath, he goes for a sign that he’s sure guren will recognize. ]

Guren.

[God. Damn it.

Of course he recognizes it. He recognizes it, and all he wants to do is reach out and hug him. He doesn't know how long it's been. He can't... he can't remember the last time he saw him, or what was going on when he'd vanished from that place, and even thinking about it is making his head throb, but he remembers Dextera. Of course he does. He hadn't, until just now, and he's not sure how to process all that, but it comes back like a flood.

Kureto is going to interrogate him either way. Dextera has already shared too much, and he's not equipped for lying further than this. It puts both of their necks on the line, especially when it means Kureto has another playing piece against him, but Guren can't help it.

While Kureto straightens and reaches to grab Dextera's wrist, quickly asking "What did he just sign?", Guren steps closer to grab Kureto's arm right back, tightly.]

Let him go.

[Something about Guren's expression is enough to get Kureto's lips to quirk up in the corners. Shinya is hanging back. "What did he sign."]

...My name.

[With that, Kureto releases Dextera, laughing in his amusement and leaving Guren to let him slip out of his grip as well. Now he gets the chance to shoot Dextera a reassuring glance as Kureto turns his back on them, stepping back towards the bed.

"Who is he?"]

Why do you care?

["He got past my men."]

I'm not going to tell you he's someone special just to reassure your wounded ego.

["Is this another thing you can't tell us, Guren?" This time it's Shinya who pops in, quick to diffuse a conversation that's only going bad places in an attempt to help. It does, a little, since it gets Kureto to turn around and glance back at him, and Guren takes the chance to remain silent.

"Is it?" But Kureto wants it confirmed.]

Yeah, kind of.

["'Kind of' isn't good enough. What the hell are you up to?"

At this point, Guren sighs out in his irritation, bringing a hand up to rub over an eye before he runs it up and through his hair.]

This doesn't have anything to do with you. He's not someone you have to worry about.

["I don't know that for sure."

This really seems like it's never going to end, sorry Dextera.]

[ the way kureto grabs his wrist hurts, but he’s not so weak as to cry out from something like that. he knows it was a mistake to try to share something private where everyone can see, but he got what he wanted—he knows guren knows who he is, and that’s enough for now. it won’t be truly enough until they can be alone, together, but he can try harder to keep guren from getting into more trouble on his behalf. ]

—I don’t remember how I got here.

[ his voice sounds a little stronger, now that guren is here. it’s still shaking, still so small and weak, but it at least sounds like it has some power behind it. ]

But I don’t… want to hurt anyone.

[ he rubs his wrist, where kureto grabbed it. ]

I’ll…

[ now he does look fully at guren, almost apologetic for considering what he’s considering. then, he looks back at kureto. ]

I’ll cooperate. Just let me stay with Guren.

[Now everyone in the room is looking at Dextera, and Guren frowns a little for it. But there's not much he can say, otherwise. Kureto sits back down on the bed and gestures with his hand between the both of them.

"I'll decide that after I get my answers. So, Guren..."

From there, it's a long session of interrogating. Guren is stubborn and snaps back at Kureto whenever he can, but whenever it goes too far, Kureto reigns him back in with threats of separating them, or hurting Dextera.

From there, everyone in the room learns a handful of things:

Dextera isn't from this world.
Dextera has some sort of powerful force inside? of him. Guren tries to use the same excuse, but Kureto pushes it further. From that, Guren answers that it's not a demon, it's not a threat, and it's not related to the Seraph of the End. That seems to satisfy Kureto enough for now.
Guren somehow had time for all of this, despite all that he's been up to. Shinya and Kureto correctly guessed that Guren must have managed to spend time outside of this world, too.
From that, when questioned further, Guren explains some of how he was missing, but answers a surprising number of questions with "I don't know" and "I don't remember." Kureto and Shinya piece together that something about this might have affected Guren's memory, though Kureto is skeptical. If Dextera helps fill in any blanks of events, it raises suspicion off of Guren slightly, but only adds more confusion to the scenario.
In the end, Guren insists that Dextera can help them with their goals, but that he can't explain how too much or it might put everything at risk. Kureto accepts that. Shinya seems bothered, but doesn't push himself.

So, basically, it's all a big mess.]

So? I've answered everything. Can we go?

[Kureto gives him a long stare, then sits up a little straighter again, stopping his thinking. "Fine. All of you can leave."

With that, they're dismissed, and Guren places his hand on Dextera's back to encourage him to walk forward and out of the room. Shinya is close behind, though, lingering near Guren. It's only when they're far enough away, and it's just the three of them in a hallway, that he speaks.

"You really don't remember everything?"]

I really don't. [His eyes shift from Shinya over to Dextera, expression finally softening just slightly. It's nowhere near the ones Dextera gets from him in private, but it's something.]

You have your voice. [There's no 'still' there, even if maybe there should be. Guren can't remember it, in details. He slows his steps and then stops walking, turning his apologetic stare on Shinya, now.]

Shinya. [He doesn't even say anything before Shinya sighs, lifting both of his hands.

"I know, I know. You need to talk to him about something and I can't hear, right? You're seriously the worst."]

I know.

["I'm going to come find you later."]

That's fine.

[There's an awkward sort of silence that falls after, but finally, Shinya gives his little wave, and one last stare at Dextera, before he wanders away and leaves Guren and Dextera to themselves.]

[ it’s a lot, but it’s familiar too—even so, dextera oddly thinks that the archangel might be kinder than kureto. it feels like a treasonous thought when he’s here with guren, but kureto’s interrogation almost makes him long for the archangel’s calm, collected patience.

it was manipulation, but at least it was easy to pretend.

once they’re out of there, though, a number of things bother dextera: guren really not remembering so much of his time in the town among them. dextera has prepared for this possibility, but it’s hard to accept it now that he’s facing it directly. he twists the ring around his finger, anxious, but it’s possible that guren doesn’t remember where that case from either.

he just has to be patient. guren remembered his name, didn’t he? ]

…I’m sorry.

[ that’s the first thing dextera says, in shinya’s absence. ]

You don't have anything to apologize for.

[The words come right away, and Guren moves his hand to the top of Dextera's head, resting there fondly.]

Come on, let's get to a room before we say anything else. The last thing I need is someone walking up on us.

[His hand lingers a bit as it falls away, fingers brushing through Dextera's hair briefly before he nods the direction they need to head. It's not far, at least, but they do keep passing Japanese Imperial Demon Army soldiers.

While they're walking, Guren can at least talk about some things.]

Are you feeling disoriented?

[ the contact is good. guren’s hand is warm, even through his gloves, and it’s a reassurance that dextera drinks in after everything that just happened. he’d gladly stand in the hallway forever if only guren would keep touching him.

even so, he does realize the importance of following guren into privacy here, so he trails along without complaint. ]

I was. I feel better now, but…

[ … ]

It’s different here.

...Yeah, it is.

[Guren sighs a little, walking them along, hands shoving into his pockets so he doesn't fidget.]

I wanted you to come with me, but I was hoping I could introduce you into things a little smoother. Sorry about that. I know it's not great, either.

[ dextera shakes his head. ]

I knew some of it. Your memories, and Kaoru’s mirror…

[ as soon as he says that, however, he realizes that guren may not know what he’s talking about. it’s hard to get a read on how much guren remembers of the town, or if he can even recall any of the people he met there without them being in front of him.

so, he switches tracks. ]

…I got you in trouble.

[Well, Guren definitely looks like he's not entirely following what Dextera just said about that, from how his brow furrows, but moving on works to have him not asking after it (especially in the hallway).]

You heard him in there. I'm always in trouble.

[This is just his life... He turns the corner, eyes tracing the wall to the side and counting the doors.]

They might bug you again. Or take you as a hostage, if they really want to get answers out of me. We'll take things as they come, so don't go feeling bad about anything like that. I'll get us out of it, no matter the situation. Got it?

[ there are a lot of blanks to fill in that didn’t even get grazed in kureto’s questioning, but maybe guren will be fine without them. they’re out of that town, after all, and with any luck, they won’t be going back.

guren has to focus on what’s here. dextera nods. ]

I meant what I said before.

[ thoughtfully, quietly, he rubs at his wrist. ]

I’ll do anything as long as I can stay with you.

[That's a dangerous attitude in this place. Yuu is the same, running around and yelling that he'll be an experiment, that he'll do whatever it takes to help. Guren stares at Dextera for a moment as he pushes open the door to one of the rooms, gesturing for him to go inside. It's pretty much exactly like the room Kureto was just in.

But as he steps inside after him and lets the door close, Guren is distracted by a red bracelet on the end of the bed. Dextera's. The one he had given to Guren. He moves over towards it, picking it up and running his fingers over it. This was not there before.]

If you want to stay with me, you need to listen to me above anyone else. Us being separated temporarily will be better than us getting separated for more than that. I'm used to things, and I know what I'm doing.

[He turns, offering the bracelet out to Dextera with a small frown.]

I'm going to have to give this back to you. But listen to me, Dex. You can't say anything even close to what you know about Shinya and the others. They will turn to dust if they so much as catch on that something is off.

Follow my lead in conversations. Don't offer up information if I don't offer it up first. If they confront you privately... [Ugh, that's a whole process he'd have to go through, actually. Kureto could easily arrange for that, too, when Dextera is more calmed down in Guren's presence. He could bother them both at once, it would be efficient— damn it.

He just hopes he's too preoccupied with everything else. Maybe that possession of his will help him lean into his trust a little bit more.]

We'll work on it.

[ dextera doesn’t want it. he wants guren to wear it—it’s a selfish, unreasonable desire, and he knows that, but he can’t help it. the bracelet was a gift and a sign for them to always be together, and he’s gotten used to the feeling of wearing just one anyway.

he takes it back, but the look in his eyes says more than a verbal complaint ever could. he’s not going to wear it, but he’ll hold onto it. ]

…

[ he exhales, harshly, frustrated that this isn’t going the way he’d always hoped. did he do something wrong, or… no. maybe he was always just being naïve about the end goal of this all. ]

I won’t say anything. I know.

[ he digs his nail under the metal of the bracelet’s latch, fidgeting. ]

What do we do now?

You can give it back to me later.

[Those are his reassuring words to Dextera as he meets that expression with an apologetic one of his own. Unlike in Chroma, Guren hasn't smiled once since meeting with Dextera. He hasn't smiled in a long time, even through jokes— he's busy, constantly thinking, and now there's one more thing on the pile.]

...

[What do they do now. He tells everyone to look to him for help, but then he's gotta figure it out. What do they do, what do they do...]

I should talk to Shinya in private, too. [Though he's kind of dreading that, considering how much he's been pressing their distance.] Just enough that he'll understand. We've got a lot going on right now. You saw how Kureto was chained up. He's got something trying to possess him right now, and we're on a time limit.

[Dextera knew this already from Guren's brief summary after his canon update, but he forgets this. Unfortunately.]

Things aren't going to be easy here.

I have power.

[ they talked about it, kureto knows it, and even guren said that it could be useful here. if his purification can help in any way, he’ll offer it, but he doesn’t know if it’s the kind of thing that could stop whatever is possessing kureto.

not to mention guren—the demon curse drags ever onward.

with that thought, dextera can’t help himself. he reaches out, sliding his hand against guren’s face, his palm smoothing along guren’s cheek until his fingers push into guren’s thick black hair. ]

I’ll use it for you. I’ll do anything.

[Guren watches Dextera as he speaks, as he's touched. It's warm, and it is a little comforting, but it doesn't even dent all of his worries. If anything, there are more added to them. His gaze is a little hollow for that, more than it ever got in Chroma as his demon holds more of his heart.]

I know.

[His hand lifts, resting loosely over Dextera's wrist.] But things are different here. If you're useless, you're killed, but if you're too useful, you're used, no matter the cost. That won't necessarily keep you with me.

I'm thinking it out. Let me talk to Shinya, and then I'll decide what to do. Okay?

[ dextera withdraws his hand, at a reaction like that. maybe it’s too much—maybe guren doesn’t remember, or maybe it’s just not the time. things seemed easier in chroma, or perhaps it was just that dextera was selfish there.

he nods. ]

Okay.

[ and what else can he say, really? he can’t argue here. ]

But I… I’m happy to see you.

[Hhh... Guren rubs the back of his neck, glancing away like he's embarrassed.]

Yeah. [WHY DOES HE SUCK SO BAD... But Dextera should know that dumb gay look on his face. He's happy, too. It's a flash of the most pleasant expression he's had since he's seen him again, at least.]

Sorry. There's a lot going on. I know I'm not the greatest at explaining myself, but I promise, we'll figure it out.

[Speaking of which... he looks back.]

Have you seen your brother at all? [He remembers that, at least.]

[ guren’s brief expression is enough for dextera, anyway, and he takes it as a sign that guren does—remember something. he remembers enough. dextera takes a deep breath, and at that question, he shakes his head.

is his brother still in chroma, or is he somewhere else in this world? he’ll be even worse off than dextera has been, with his combative attitude.

he frowns, his eyebrow twitching down in a brief scowl. ]

I haven’t. I don’t know if he followed me…

[ he touches the scar at his side. ]

I don’t think he’s here.

[Guren moves to grip Dextera's shoulder, at that, firmly.]

I haven't forgotten about him. We'll find a way to get him here, and alive. It fits in with what I'm doing. Don't worry.

[He'll save him, and everyone else too.]

You can’t…

[ dextera pauses, reaching up to touch guren’s hand on his shoulder. his gaze is slightly troubled, still, but he takes guren’s reassurance at face value. then, he reconsiders his words.

“you can’t” is not a good way to start a sentence with guren. ]

…I’m a part of this world now, too. So these plans…

[ … ]

It doesn’t have to be now. But I want to know everything you’re doing. Even… the painful parts. Even the things you think I’d hate.

[Ah, that...

Guren is quiet for all of that, and his eyes look hollow in how much he's holding onto. Holding up. It's probably all too clear to Dextera, just like it's clear to his other friends, but he doesn't know what to say to make it better. He doesn't know what to do.

Some things he just can't share. That's just who he is. Shinya would gladly explain this, if he had the chance.]

I'll be back in a short while. [So, he can't even comment on it, and his chest feels tight for it, but this is how he is, what he's used to. Mahiru is closing around his heart.]

Will you be alright staying here?

[ it hurts, of course. that look in guren’s eyes is something dextera can’t ever seem to wipe away completely, even if he can get warmth or a spark of joy when he does or says the right thing. guren has too much on his shoulders, especially here, where he’s inundated by his own plans. chroma, as much as it kept him away from these things and worried him for it, was almost like a vacation in comparison, wasn’t it? ]

…

[ he moves his hand to touch where guren’s heart is, but he doesn’t try to direct the conversation back to his request. ]

I’ll be okay. I might… sleep. Is that…?

[ dangerous? taboo, using guren’s bed? he’s really not sure. ]

Go ahead and sleep.

[Guren covers the hand over his heart with his own.]

Everyone knows better than to look in here for me, so you should be left alone.

[ well, it doesn’t make dextera feel better that people know not to look in guren’s room for guren, like he doesn’t spend much time relaxing at all, but it’s not really a surprise.

he twists his fingers under guren’s hand until he can grip it, and he brings it to his mouth—not a kiss, but his lips are touching guren’s fingers, definitely. ]

Then… take your time. I know you have a lot to talk about.

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I have never loved a darker blue

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