teaism | I couldn't utter my love when it counted

I'll always wait for you, but just this once...

[He laughs lightly, deliriously happy, lifts his hips to let Eichi pull his pants down even as he flushes delicately from his cheeks to his chest.]

Just this once, let me need you. I can be an idol tomorrow.

[He's too impatient, and he's wiggling as Eichi goes, urging him to get that clothing off, off, off. Then, when the clothing is discarded, he sits up enough to take Eichi's hands in his, pulling one to his chest, to the mark over his heart, and pulling the other to his hip.]

I'm sorry, Eichi, it's... simply that I might disappear if you don't catch me right away.

...

[His hands being grabbed like that is so surprising that he blinks for a moment, stunned, before his warm smile falls back into place. Wataru is completely nude now, Eichi in only his bottoms, and he laughs softly, barely there.]

You make it sound as though you're serious about that, even if it wouldn't be possible... I won't allow you to disappear, in any case.

[He glides his hand over Wataru's chest, and the one that had been so helpfully placed at Wataru's hip slips lower as Eichi's kisses trail up him.]

If you need me, then it only makes me happy. Wataru...

[He trails off in hot breath against Wataru's neck, his own body settling slightly to one side on top of him so that his hand can properly wrap around Wataru's length. He's so heated himself now, he can feel himself growing harder, but he's focused, he wants to touch, he wants to have Wataru to himself... And so his slender fingers stroke along him to see what reaction he might have, and he holds his breath.]

I might just shrivel up and evaporate if you don't touch me enough...

[A little huff of a laugh, then he lays back down, letting Eichi have his way, hands, lips, whatever he wants to touch his heated skin with. He can't help squirming with anticipation for a moment, just until Eichi's body is settled atop his comfortably, and he can feel that hand trail between his legs. He was mostly hard, but now he's gasping softly and hiding his face against Eichi as he hardens more under his touch.

Maybe Eichi could've given him a moment to breathe, but that wouldn't be very Eichi-like... No, his fated love strokes him right away, though softly, and Wataru lets out another strangled sound of need and joy against Eichi's neck, so near his ear.]

Eichi... Ah, have I died and gone to heaven?

No, Wataru. You're alive.

[He shudders at the sound from Wataru so close to his ear, breathing out a laugh as he strokes again. Slowly, steadily, forming a rhythm. His own growing arousal shifts slightly against Wataru's thigh, followed by a needy breath, but he's focused, thumb pressing over Wataru's tip.]

We'll create our own heaven, just like this, where the two of us are allowed to exist in peace. Ah, Wataru... does it feel good? Those noises you're making are enough to drive anyone mad...

[They talk so much, but Eichi's all heated whispers right now, so surely it's fine.]

Alive...!

[He laughs, a shuddering, sweet sound, punctuated with another gasp. He cant believe this is real, the electricity between them, the tiniest wisps of forgotten lifetimes behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes. Eichi's arousal against him feels strange and lonely, and he moves a shaking hand down Eichi's arm, to his stomach, and down, down, until he can grip Eichi with the softest touch. He's so used to teasing himself, prolonging things so he can let images of Eichi dance across his consciousness, imagining this and more.

Now it really is Eichi's hand, they're really together like this, and he wonders if he'll ever look at him the same way again. They've both become beasts, now. Wataru a beast of indulgence and need, Eichi, one of hunger and power. That's how it feels. It's exquisite.]

I'll never let anyone else touch me... Eichi's hands feel too good. I'm...

[He's inexperienced and this is overwhelming and he's embarrassingly close already... His words end in a shaky cry, and he tenses his fingers delicately around Eichi.]

N...no one else. I'll believe you, you know...?

[His stuttered sentence comes out in a surprised fluster that he's normally better at holding back, but Wataru is reacting so lovely for him, and touching him, too... Even if his pants are kind of in the way, this type of awkward is endearing. It's desperate, it's some kind of love, he's sure of it. Their desire to touch, to be closer...

He wants to be closer still, but he's not sure how like this. He'll settle for stroking again, more, faster, imagining what he'd want himself, adapting to what Wataru seems to enjoy as he gasps against him, body shifting over him more, squirming.

More. He wants it, too. This desperation rising, this itch that needs to be scratched.]

I want to touch you more and more, Wataru... To be able to bring you this sort of joy, through my own effort... Ahh, I can really feel it... it's bringing me such excitement that I can't handle it. Please... Let me see all of you, just like this.

[It's too clumsy and awkward like this, his wrist is at a bad angle and he just... can't give Eichi what he wants to give him like this.]

No one... Only Eichi...

[But he doesn't want anyone or anything else. Just this, this closeness, this affection, this love he's never known before. There's no shame, no sense that they shouldn't be doing this, or that they're even just getting away with something. He's so focused on Eichi and his hand and the way they're writhing against each other that he can't stand it.

Ducking his head toward Eichi, he cries out again, shaky and unsure how to handle feeling this good.

Eichi wants to see all of him. He feels so exposed, but he likes it. And, thinking of Eichi, of that hand on him and the way he's fulfilling a dream he's desperately held for this short time, he curls into the other boy slightly as he suddenly releases. It's messy, he's a quivering heap of happiness and overstimulation just from these basic, simple touches, but he whimpers Eichi's name as he comes.

His fingers grasp clumsily for Eichi's waistband, even though he's still a fumbly mess from the most incredible climax of his young life. He's hardly able to think, but Eichi is so important, Eichi joining him in this is so vital...]

Let me...

[It's so shocking, somehow, to have Wataru touch his waistband like that. To seem to want more, to want him. His heart flutters, and he worries for a moment that he might just fall over. But he doesn't. It's just the rush of love... of lust. Or both? He supposes.

He's reluctant about letting go of Wataru. That's the hardest part, and he kisses open mouthed at Wataru's face, his neck, and then gasps as he inches away and has to move his hand from his hard length, pressing it against the mattress for support as he shifts his hips. With Wataru's help, he can get these pants off without moving away entirely. He'll move his hips and legs to slip out of them as he needs if Wataru shoves them down enough from the start.

But he doesn't want to stop kissing. He keeps leaning back in, kissing, mouthing, muttering soft words against him. Most of them don't make much sense, but he might be able to hear "I want to be even closer" spoken softly, so heartfelt.]

[Eichi pushed Wataru over that edge, and all he wants now is to give such affection back. He hurriedly pushes the pants down and off, kicking them away off the bed so he can be fully bared next to Eichi. He doesn't care that he's made such an awful mess on their laps. He just needs to touch Eichi, and he swears he'll be satisfied, maybe forever. Or maybe it'll just make him greedier.

He wonders, but not for long, because he's eagerly wrapping a hand around Eichi's hard length again and kissing him with all the ardor he has in him. They're partners on the stage, now. They've been through hell together. Eichi is no longer the villain Wataru once thought him to be, at least not to him. And Wataru wants nothing more than to give everything to him.

Wataru pours himself into the kiss, into stroking Eichi, pressing the rest of their bodies together as much as he can, leaving room in between only for his hand to continue its work.]

I want to make Eichi mine, too...

The way you said my name just then...

[As they shift positions just enough to fit Wataru's hand between them, he moans softly, laughing bashfully shortly after. It's all so much, so shocking, it doesn't feel real. He can barely react to anything on time.]

It was beautiful.

[He wants him to know that. To know that he doesn't care about the mess, about how scandalous this is, about how having this exposed could ruin them both. He only cares about Wataru. They can move forward together without worry.

Ah, it's really so exciting, it's only adding to that rising heat in his stomach. Every touch is too much, his body is so sensitive, and he knows he won't be able to last very long no matter how hard he tries. He's not used to this... But he wants to be able to do this all the time.]

I'm... I'm yours, Wataru. We decided that, didn't we? To be each other's... to stop for no one else, ah—

[He can't keep speaking and so he kisses again instead, burying his moans into it, hips rocking down into that hand, jerking with it. Then he has to part from the kiss, hanging his head to just breathe, the side of his face against the side of Wataru's, his body tensing as the stroking becomes too much.

Then it's his turn to make a mess. His release is everywhere before he can register it, and the energy he's just spent finally takes it out of him as his world turns dizzy. He flops to one side, on the bed, breathing heavily, but even through his exhaustion, a hand raises to find and cup Wataru's face.]

I'll always say your name, I'll always want to hold it close... If I say you're mine, then you're mine, right? And we'll be amazing... perfect... higher than anyone else... Because it's us.

[He gasps and gulps the words between kisses, his body still so light, his hand working as the other touches Eichi's face softly, gently. They'll have so many more times to do this, won't they? Wataru will find a way, even if he's Romeo under his lover's balcony without the knowledge of their families. Even if he has to disgrace and humble himself, he'll have Eichi. He's not even thinking about the consequences right now, or what could happen if they got caught. All he's thinking about is how he never wants anything else to make him feel this good. Just Eichi. Always and forever Eichi.]

That's right, Eichi's mine. Mine to hold and touch and kiss and adore with all my heart! Until you can say you love me with your lips close to mine, I'll keep you even closer. I'll guard you and let no one else see how beautiful you can be...

[His pace stumbles, but he manages to regain it, then with more kisses, more affection, more pure, bared love, he nudges Eichi over the edge, too. Then Eichi rolls over slightly, and Wataru, suddenly shy, draws his hand away and marvels down at the mess they've both left on his skin. At least it won't be so bad to clean up... but he really is a sight right now.]

Oh... Eichi...

[He turns his head to nuzzle that hand, sighing happily.]

I've never felt so wonderful...

[It's wonderful, feeling Wataru's energy next to him, this feeling just after release. The cool air in his bedroom is cold on his bare skin, but Wataru's warmth overrides it, being this close. He strokes his fingers where he's nuzzling, admiring him with shining eyes in the dark.]

Neither have I. It feels as though something quite heavy in my chest has been lifted, as well... Can you feel that, I wonder?

[His hand slips away to dip lower, brushing delicately over Wataru's mark on his chest.]

This...

[Mm. There's no way he can go a second time, but he's admiring Wataru's body right now, eyes trailing lower, fingers soon following until he can grab at Wataru's hips and pull him closer.]

If I had more stamina, I'd ask that we do this for the rest of the night, you know. What an addicting feeling... I only want to feel Wataru again and again, in so many ways... This won't be the only time, will it? Will you indulge me often, Wataru?

It would be cruel to show me a world like this and hold it out of reach, after all.

[Wataru can't help but look back at him with equal admiration, with affection, with overflowing feelings. They're so close right now. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, this is the closest they've ever been and Wataru is basking in the afterglow entirely.]

When you touch me, I can feel it. Us. The bond we've shared forever. If that's too bold to say, let me die a bold man!

[And then Eichi pulls him close, mess and all, and Wataru just shudders a content sigh. They can be like this, imperfect, human, animals even, and he can be held like this, and Eichi can show him some kind of love that Wataru can't get anywhere else. The love he only wants from Eichi.]

I meant it when I said I won't let anyone else touch me. You're the only one I want. Your hands... I've begged for you silently, I've tried to will this to happen with dreams and hopes, but for it to really... For us to be like this!

[He kisses Eichi's lips softly.]

This is our world, this comfortable, safe, Amazing place we've created together. I'll indulge you all you like, if you promise to bring me back to this feeling. Over and over again, Eichi! The two of us, together! Let's always act like lovers who meet but once a year, so every encounter will be so powerful as this. I think without this feeling, I might now well wither up.

So long as you continue to shine like this, I have no need for anyone else to touch me. You'll keep my attention, Wataru, because you never bore me. So draw me in, again and again... and I won't look at anyone else.

[It's simple, he thinks. They're destined, but more than that, he just wants to follow his heart. Smiling against that last kiss, he closes his eyes, relaxing.]

Let me sleep here for a time longer. Staff comes to check on me in my room in the morning, but I can be sure to rise before then.

[Wataru has hardly anything to say to that, and he's a messy mess, so he frantically feels around in the bed for his t-shirt before using it indecently to clean himself off a bit. Then he curls in toward his lover, his fated companion, and sighs softly.]

Wake me up before you leave. I don't want to find myself without you in the morning. The very thought makes me want to cry.

I'd hate to know you've shed tears, so I'll tell you, even if it pains me to disturb your peaceful sleeping face.

[He cuddles in close, forgetting about anything else. He can shower in the morning. Right now, this is precious time with Wataru.]

Thank you... for sharing your love with someone like me.

No, Eichi. Thank you for allowing it. For coming to me when I called with my whole heart.

[Sexting is totally heartfelt, he promises. And he'll do it forever, now. He puts a gentle arm around Eichi, bringing him closer still, and kisses his forehead before snuggling down into the pillows beside him.]

I've wanted to sleep beside you. To feel your warmth. You breath, soft on my skin. An arm around me. Now... go to sleep, Eichi. I'll watch over you until you're soundly cradled in slumber.

You be sure to get some sleep as well, Wataru.

[Eichi says it, but he's already breathing comfortably, and before long, he drifts off. It would be the most comfortable night if not for some strange dreams that he can hardly remember. About him, about Wataru... Is it because they're sleeping close?

He dreams of Wataru always out of reach. A stream of time keeping them apart, forcing them to try again, and again... He dreams of himself getting close so many times, but his body collapsing before he has the chance to manage it. They're all like this. Upsetting, bitter more than sweet, causing him to stir in his sleep and softly murmur, and at one point, close to the time he's meant to wake, he clutches tighter at Wataru without even realizing it, breath sucking in deep, terrified.]

[Eichi drifts off, and Wataru presses the softest kiss to Eichi's nose, before allowing himself to sleep, his lover cradled in his arms, their bodies warm together.

Wataru's dreams, by turns, are happy and sad. He finds Eichi in a crowd, or in an unexpected place, and the reunion is joyous... Then something happens and Wataru finds himself ripped away, to the point where Eichi gripping him in his sleep startles him awake. He steadies his breathing, panicked, shallow sleep not enough to give him rest. Someday he'll be accustomed to someone sleeping beside him, but not today.

Eichi is practically shaking, and Wataru pulls him close.]

Shh, my prince. There there. Your knight is here, no, your beloved jester... I'll chase away all the bad things with smiles.

Wataru... thank goodness.

[He breathes it out at the words of comfort, stirring awake from them. His nightmares had jolted him enough, but he wraps his arms more completely, pulls himself close, still shaking even as he tries to stop.]

I thought you had been taken again. [A thought that fills him with dread... He's not reassured, now that they're awake, even if Wataru's words are nice. He needs to think about how he can protect Wataru. What he can do to keep him from harm.] That I was unable to reach you, no matter what I did...

Eichi... I'll never leave your side. I won't let death take me, nor distance, nor anyone in the world. This is our life, together, and I'll see it through.

[He holds him tight, rocking a bit in what he hopes is a playfully comforting manner.]

I've decided to become immortal for you. Nothing will steal me away!

I know. We've both decided this, haven't we?

[Eichi moves a hand to Wataru's hair, his chest aching as he draws his fingers through it. Wataru was already damaged like this... Eichi is still bothered.]

But for those who try... for everything that attempts to keep us apart... I won't settle with simply preventing them. I'd like to chase them from this very world, personally. You understand, don't you? The idea that there are those out there who hurt you, who may hurt you again... it fills me with such rage that I can't handle it.

I'm afraid. What a dangerous path we've been thrown on, against our will. It isn't fair... I only want to live peacefully with you.

[Wataru knows the state of his hair bothers Eichi... He's been thinking about having extensions put in to ease some of that, just because hiding it doesn't always work. It's growing out rather quickly, but still... it'll take time.]

We'll chase them off together. You don't have to protect me, Eichi! I'm here to protect you, after all. We're a team, a unit, a pair, two people who need and want each other so desperately that the red thread between us is more like a steel cable.

[He laughs softly.]

I'd like to live peacefully with you, too. I'd like to sail the seas with you, tour the world. Climb mountains and walk barefoot on beaches. But we have little choice. The world hunts us and haunts us in every lifetime, doesn't it?

It does. Out of nowhere, I'm bothered by it... I suppose it's simply a "bad feeling." A hunch, some would say.

[Shifting, he moves to kiss Wataru at the corner of his mouth, chaste but sincere, loving.]

Thank you, Wataru. You're always able to say just the right things, aren't you? Even your words are magical.

I'm resigned to it, in a way. Knowing that every moment I spend with you has to be more precious than the last, simply because I never know when we'll be torn apart...

[A sigh, and he nuzzles Eichi's nose.]

But maybe this time it won't be so. We may have to weather this and that, but we'll be granted a whole lifetime together.

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