teaism | pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

[Compared to this, the talking furniture from ages ago seemed almost pleasant. The door clicks shut behind them, and Guren almost wants to drop down right here. It's the first building they've come across in a while now— some sort of cabin in the woods that's falling apart just like the rest of the town they'd started in. Guren was bleeding from a variety of areas— a number of spots on his torso, his head, his face, his thigh— and that doesn't even start on the broken bones he's sporting, but he had a demon to take care of those injuries.

The man he was trying to support next to him was a different story. Hadn't they said something about not wanting to test if he could die and come back...?]

Look at me, Dex. [Guren wasn't trying to hide his worry now. He'd arrived too late, or at least that's his perspective. He shows up and something is nearly finished toying with Dextera like he's some sort of doll— something grey, with wings. Guren couldn't grasp what was happening, but interrupting had shown him that he was nearly outmatched. Nearly. With some biting words, he'd slain the creature(?) just before he was about to be offed himself. It was risky, to say the least.

But they're indoors now. Indoors, and there have to be supplies they can make use of somewhere. He staggers his next step forward as he tries to lead Dextera in, coughing blood against the back of his own hand. He's noticing that even his own injuries are staying longer than usual, somehow...]

Damn it...

[But he needs to know how Dextera is doing. How much can he handle? Guren doesn't want to find out his limit right now. One hand grips at Dextera's shoulder. They've been supporting each other the whole walk here, and he's trying not to weigh him down. His other hand, though the back of it is bloody now, rests against Dextera's chest carefully.] Sit down here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Nothing like this.

[Dextera's growing confidence hasn't gone unnoticed by Guren, of course. He's proud of him for it, relieved to see it, and wants to encourage it in every way he can. Even now, with his mind filling again with these worried thoughts, he smiles slightly at him, eyes tracing the way he stands.

He runs a hand through his own hair to fix it up a bit, stepping closer to Dextera.]

When demons were a new thing, my old one was restricted and silenced by magic, a limiter in the sword meant to protect me from the demon controlling me completely. Then, the demon that I had before... Mahiru stabbed it into her chest and seemed to swallow it whole. I never heard from him again.

But those were both a long time ago, and this only holds a few weak similarities.

[ dextera likes the way guren fixes his hair. it’s a weird little quirk of self-awareness that is unfamiliar to dextera when no one has ever cared what they look like in his memory. he’s not sure that guren cares a lot, but it’s handsome to watch nevertheless.

even now, he thinks that, in the midst of this conversation. ]

Things are different now. [ an idle acknowledgement. ] She isn’t gone.

[ guren doesn’t need dextera to tell him that, but he’s not saying it to inform, really—he can still sense that corruption like a bloodhound, and the corruption of the corruption is just strange.

but guren hasn’t been purified, or anything. just... something. ]

It'd probably be easier if she were.

[As true as that is, he's not sure that he wants it. But the provoking statement still doesn't get a response out of Mahiru, so he confirms that she really can't reach him, somehow.

Now that he's close, he moves his hand to find Dextera's, casually slipping them together in a hold with interlocked fingers. Now his hair is perfect and they're holding hands.] Ready to walk?

[ it makes dextera want to ask more about who mahiru was to guren—who she is now, beyond the demon he carries with him, and the occasional nuisance over his shoulder where dextera can't see. it seems so personal, though, doesn't it? it feels intrusive for him to even think about it this much, even if he wants to know more and more about guren. ]

I'm ready. [ he says, and he is, but he's watching guren as they walk more than he's watching the path in front of them. he's not good at hiding it when there's something he wants to ask. ]

[ Guren stays quiet about it for a minute or two, but when it’s been too long of Dextera watching him instead of ahead, he knows it’s probably something he should address. It doesn’t seem just like something Dextera wants to keep to himself, if he’s looking at him like that... ]

What is it? [ He asks suddenly, turning to look over at him. ]

[ dextera isn’t jealous or even especially worried about the truth of the matter. he doesn’t think so highly of himself as to fret about being displaced by, or never matching up in the first place, to someone from guren’s world that must have been important to him, once. still is? he just wants to know. ]

...Mahiru. [ a pause, like that’s all he’s going to say, but then he continues after a moment of squeezing guren’s hand. ] I’d like to know more about her.

[ Don’t ask about his crazy ex!!

Just kidding, he gets it. He’s so used to relying on his friends who knew what happened, for the most part, to explain things. Even if they did say stupid, exaggerated comments like Shinya always talking about Guren stealing his fiancé, it helped a lot more than struggling to put to words what he felt. ]

...What do you want to know? [ It’s just that he doesn’t know where to start, really... Hopefully Dextera is patient. ]

Hmm.

[ he’s not trying to tease guren by drawing it out. there are just a lot of things he wants to know, and he’s not sure how to ask the questions to get there. guren did mention that he would tell dextera if he got to questions too difficult to answer, but he’d rather get it right the first time. ]

Anything is okay. [ but that’s a bad place to start, so he goes for a more specific question, though not necessarily easier. ] Do you like her?

[ Ah, every question is difficult. ]

She’s dead. [ He always has to say this, like it’s a reminder, or he’s convincing himself. He rubs the back of his neck. ]

When we were just kids, I liked her a lot. It was like puppy love, I guess. But our families tore us apart, and when I met her again ten years later, things were completely different. But I guess... she was still obsessed with being together with me. She got into a lot trying to make it possible, like demons.

[ ...dextera doesn’t know the details, but he understands obsession. not with guren, not like that, but he would and has torn the world apart trying to fill the emptiness inside of him. it’s not exactly sympathy he feels for mahiru, explained through guren as she is, but he can get the desire. ]

...and now?

[ she’s different, he knows that. maybe she’s completely different, only wearing the face of the girl guren knew. he doesn’t know. they share a name. ]

Your sword... the demon.

...the demon is like a reminder that I couldn’t save her.

[ That complicated feeling. He wonders if he can explain it well enough. ] Mahiru changed while she was alive. She wasn’t herself. Her demon took over slowly and completely, and when her humanity was completely gone, I had to kill her. That’s how she got in this sword.

[ dextera can see that, somehow—it’s not a matter of liking or disliking the demon that resides in his sword, is it? she’s something guren is dealing with, and a representation of what he dealt with before, too.

he doesn’t say anything right away, instead taking in guren’s explanation in a thoughtful silence, all the while keeping a comfortable hold on guren’s hand.

hmm. ]

Then, the way to put it would be... “Mahiru” is important to “you.”

[ girl or demon, good or bad... she’s important. a part of guren. in a way, a baroque. ]

[ The hand not in Dextera’s drops to rest over his sword again, and he stares forward. ]

Yeah, that’s right. [ He couldn’t save her, but it taught him plenty about saving everyone else. Among other things, like his feelings that he still doesn’t completely understand, and a deep sadness for her position, for what she dealt with. ]

...I hope she comes back soon.

[ maybe that's weird to wish, for him or for guren. but if guren really did wake up one day and his demon was gone, what would that be like? what would it mean for him? dextera himself would hate to have the things important to him, loved or hated, taken away without knowing why or how.

so, as much of a burden as she seems to be on guren, she shouldn't go away. not yet, anyway. not under these mysterious circumstances. ]

[He blinks in clear surprise, for once, when Dextera says that, looking over to him. It's... nice, he thinks, that Dextera would say something like that. Whether it's best for him or what he needs, he's not sure, but he can't deny that it tears him apart when she's not there. The thing that Mahiru became, that demon... it's been part of him for too long. And... she's important.

He squeezes Dextera's hand lightly as his expression relaxes into a sort of smile.]

I don't think any of my friends back home would say that at all. [He can't even muster up a laugh at it, as amusing as it is. But his meaning is clear there: thanks.]

Well, I'm not your friend from back home. I'm just a stranger who likes you a lot.

[ dextera does estimate himself higher than a stranger, and it's evident in his voice—and the slight way he smiles, when he looks at guren to give that answer. he doesn't know everything about guren's past, and he doesn't need to. he just wants to have enough information to be able to make the right decisions, and say the right things. ]

[No... that gets him straight in the heart. The words, that smile— his face immediately scrunches up and flushes just enough, and he looks anywhere but at Dextera.]

S-shut up, already... "Stranger?" Don't give me that. Who would do things like that with a stranger?

[He knows it's not so serious, but it's also a great excuse to grumble so he doesn't look awestruck and madly in love or something gross like that.]

[ maybe dextera would! maybe he has a reckless side that is prone to weird kinky casual sex!! or, more realistically, he's just teasing guren and he's glad to see such a flustered reaction break the tension after that heavy exchange. hopefully mahiru returns, but there's nothing they can do about that in the meantime. ]

I don't remember my past. Maybe I was that kind of person...

[ he shouldn't be like this... but it's surprisingly hard to resist when guren is like that. ]

[No... stop... how does he deal with this?? He thought he was free of teasing, but he never truly is. He's trying his hardest not to react, but his expression is reaction enough, and he still won't look at Dextera.]

There's no way you were. [So, stop!!!]

[ dextera will stop, since he’s had his fun. he feels lighter, and it’s still so strange, so nice, to have these kinds of conversations with someone. ]

Haha... you’re probably right. [ probably. ] But I wouldn’t say we’re strangers, anyway.

[ he’s holding guren’s hand just a little tighter, now, and he braves embarrassment at the thought of this to turn his face and kiss guren’s shoulder. dumb and happy... ]

...

[He's getting emotional whiplash between his flustered anger and this soft warmth that's running through him now. He relaxes at the kiss, breathing out a half laugh, half sigh, and smiles.]

It'd be weird if you did. [Playfully, he looks up, like he's trying to remember something, running his thumb over Dextera's with their joined hands.] I bet there's a word for what we are to each other, somewhere.

[ dextera would like a word. he would really like a word, if only to hold in his heart and cling to, never telling anyone else. ]

I’ve never known anyone like you. [ he smiles, softly, to himself. “family” doesn’t work like this, but none of those romantic words have the same connotation he wants, either. the feeling he craves... it’s oneness, but guren isn’t exactly his other half. that’s a special spot for a specific person. ] You made it complicated, by being so...

[ you. ]

Are you calling me a weirdo?

[He laughs, knowing that's not the case, and warming up with the compliment. Gosh... Lifting their joined hands, he brings the back of Dextera's palm to his lips for a quiet, contemplative kiss.]

Words have never been good enough, and you and I have never needed them.

Maybe I should go back to silence.

[ a little joke, though it doesn’t sound like a completely bad idea... dextera is grateful to be able to speak, and he’s clearly been taking advantage of that, but it’s true that they’ve never needed his voice to communicate. ]

We don’t need words if we never use them. And then you won’t think I’m calling you a weirdo when I mean that I think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known.

[Oh no... help him. It feels like his heart might melt into his very soul, with sweet words like that. Of course, he's not sure he buys them completely— he ducks his head a little with a softer laugh. He can't keep pushing anger at it to get it away when Dextera is so close like this. So soft, and warm.]

That's a low bar. [Self-deprecating still, but it's not something that he lingers on. Even if he thinks Dextera is the one who's amazing...]

I like hearing your voice. [If he has to be honest, he will be, letting their joined hands hang between them again.] But the silence is never uncomfortable, either. Just keep doing whatever you feel like.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject