teaism | pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

[ dextera can hardly keep his eyes open—the blood loss is something else, and he’s not equipped the way that guren is to handle these fights. he’s shaking, paler than usual, and when guren motions for him to sit... he does, helplessly, his head lolling as he slumps against the wall.

but, guren...

he’s injured too... ]

Ah...

[ his gaze is unfocused, but perhaps it’s a small saving grace that he’s conscious.

he didn’t expect to be so thoroughly overpowered here. he can fight, but guren knows well that his confidence matches his skill level—he’s just good enough to survive, and little more than that. ]

[No, no, no... Seeing him like this is too familiar. Guren is too helpless to change any of this, and more than the injuries and the dizziness he's dealing with on his own, it's the twisting of his heart that makes him the most sick. He grips tight at both of Dextera's shoulders now.]

Hang in there. [A small shake, an attempt to jostle him awake, whatever it takes, and desperation is leaking into his everything.] I need you to hang in there!

[Don't die, he wants to say, but he has to pull a hand back to press to his own head and wince at the pain. He's borrowed power, but his wounds aren't healing fast enough, himself. It must have been some type of poison, or...

Mahiru's voice is louder than it usually is, and he has to concentrate to keep her at bay. Even if it would help with his own healing, he can't. He shouldn't.]

Stay awake. We have to stop the bleeding. [Guren gives the one shoulder he's still gripping another squeeze, turning to survey the room. Cloths, or bandages— he'll take whatever he can get, even if he can barely move to get to it. There's something like a kitchen, and that could mean either of those things, but would it be a waste of time to look? Maybe he should head straight for the stairs, or for the next room over. He has to decide in the next few seconds, or even this will have been a waste of time.

Wrapping an arm around his own stomach to stop the pain there, he shifts to slip away. He can make it, he can make it, if he just focuses...]

[ dextera manages to find it within himself to stay awake, if only to keep from worrying guren. if only he had... a brand, or something to shove into his mouth... guren’s retreating form doesn’t seem right, but he can’t stop him. he says something, but his own voice sounds like a fantasy to him. he’s not sure if anything comes out. ]

Guren—

[ quiet and faint, lost in the haze of his own pain.

he was told to stay put, to hold on and stay awake, but guren won’t survive by himself. he looked so bad—dextera stands, shaking, certain now that he can live through this. or he’ll die if he must.

his vision is white at the edges. ]

[ He’s so lost in the loud and erratic throbbing of his own off-beating heart that he doesn’t catch that faint sound. Dextera is on his last breaths, it looks like, so surely he wouldn’t waste any of them on him. The kitchen was his best bet, after all. He’s pulling towels from the cupboards and drawers, leaning heavily against pieces of the house to support himself.

He can’t feel his limbs right now, and the pain is so bad he’s not sure he can feel it anymore. That’s all familiar, just like the overwhelming dizziness that has him more crashing in the directions he wants to go than walking. He’s rushing, so he can try to rush back— he hasn’t even realized Dextera has stood, or that he’s trying to come this way. There’s blood caked over one of his eyes, and the other is blurred from the strain on his body.

”You’re going to overdo it like that, Guren. Can’t you rely on me for a little help?”

He doesn’t reply. He’s too worried about taking too long. There’s panic in every motion, and his rushing steps to carry these towels back like they’ll be enough to buy him time is enough to have him crashing to his knees again, grunting. He blinks up, where he was headed, and sees Dextera’s unstable figure. ]

Stop... [ He doesn’t even have the energy to yell right now, even if he wants to. Seeing Dextera up and moving is bringing him panic. ] Stay off your feet, idiot. I’m almost...

[ On his knees isn’t almost, and his stomach throbs with whatever organs of arteries had been ruptured that still haven’t been dealt with in their entirety. Guren clutches at one of the towels, trying to keep his eyes on Dextera. He’ll crawl over to him if he has to. ]

Dextera! Don’t you dare die on me! [ It’s more of a crack of desperation than a true yell. How sad is this? Two people trying to save each other when they’re already this bad. It’s so terrible he could almost laugh. He’s the one yelling for him not to die, while his demon continues to tell him that he will too, unless he gives in. ]

[ don't die!

dextera can hear a voice in the back of his own mind—several voices, several people telling him the same thing with varying senses of urgency. there's one above them all, however, a woman's voice from a face he can't recall, and all he knows is that it's more important than anything not to lose himself while he's here. it's not enough to rejuvenate him, but his heart pounds more certainly even as the tips of his fingers must be getting cooler. ]

I—

[ he won't die. he could, and no one would be wrong if they guessed that he's close to it, but seeing guren before him and knowing that this could be his last chance to live... scares him. he's not ready for things to end like this. he won't die. he won't die. it's a mantra in his mind, in his heart, pulsing through him even more effectively than his own blood. ]

I won't.

[ the quietest breath of a voice, but they're words all the same. he, too, falls to his knees in front of guren, panting—and though he lets himself close his eyes against the pain, he isn't giving up. it's stupid for him to try to speak now, when it's more effort than silence ever was, but his words are coming so he might as well. ]

[ A voice. Guren hears it this time, and he’s a little stunned. They’re so soft, those words, but Dex is still putting in that effort. Guren is worried that he’s pushing himself too hard, and yet, on his own knees in front of him, struggling to keep his own consciousness, he doesn’t waste time thinking that about himself. One of his hands clutches at a towel, and his other reaches to grip at Dextera’s fingers and give them a squeeze. ]

Where’s your worst wound? [ He prioritizes Dex, of course, finding what he believes to be the injury causing the most blood loss and immediately pressing against it, trying to stop the blood. He ties towels around them when he can, but if there’s a particularly nasty one that’s not easy to wrap, he tells Dex to keep pressing it down, to hold it there.

Neglecting his own injuries starts to catch up to him quickly. His world spins, his body aches, and now he thinks this must be some sort of magic attack that blocks his demon. The regeneration, specifically. He had called for Mahiru’s strength back in that fight, and the curse marks were there now, creeping along to his wrists from his arms, above his collar from his neck, but it wasn’t enough, it seems. He tries to take a deep breath and his chest stings sharply. His hand grips at Dextera’s shoulder for it, and his eyes drift closed, struggling.

Staying awake is becoming more difficult, but he can’t rest until he knows Dextera won’t bleed out.

”Guren...” It echoes in his mind, but he can tell it’s useless now. That block has kept back any healing above his arteries and organs closing up. Skin is still wide open, and a weak hand finally presses a towel over his own chest, where the worst is. He forces his eyes to open, even if one is exceptionally difficult to with the blood. ]

You’re gonna be okay. [ He’s telling himself just as much as he’s telling Dex. ]

[ dextera can't believe that guren is still worried about him, even like this. maybe it's this, maybe it's that, but there's no use speculating on why guren would neglect his own injuries when that's just what's happening. everything is going wrong, and the only thing dextera has on his side is this useless power that's going to die with him. maybe he deserves it—but he can't think like this, not now. not when he needs a solution, not the terrible burden of guilt.

he survived death once, in this body. he can do it again.

the creature, whatever it was, plucked and pulled and bit at his flesh, but his consciousness is still there. hazy and flickering, but he's yet awake, and so he touches one hand to guren's on his shoulder, and helps him press the towel to his chest. maybe he could—? there's so much blood—something to purify after all. his heart beats faster for it, a little dangerous, but it makes him alive. ]

Let me—

[ he doesn't have the strength to explain it, even with his voice. with a push-pull mix of urgency and reluctance, he moves the towel, and presses his palm to guren's open wound. this might kill him with the exertion required, but if he can save guren... surely it would be worth it. ]

[Guren isn't sure what Dextera plans on doing, but it's making him nervous. His body language is too uncertain, as determined as it is, and Guren is panicking.]

Don't do anything stupid!

[His voice has never been so loud and aggressive with Dextera before, but he's afraid. His hand covers the one at his chest, and he clutches at him, worried.] They're healing! It's going slower than usual, but they'll heal on their own! Whatever you're doing...

[His breathing is shallow, but even as close to death as he is, he clutches tight, grip strong.] Don't make me lose another friend. Focus on getting better however you can... I'll get through this no matter what.

Please.

[It's real, the plead, and he forces his own eyes open to meet Dextera's, even as his own body sways a little. He might have to pass out. It might just happen, but he's so afraid of doing it when Dextera is the way that he is...]

I won’t die.

[ dextera isn’t sure of that, but he sounds recklessly confident in a way that doesn’t suit him—perhaps betraying how obviously unsure he is, to hide it this way when he’s always so sincere about what’s on his mind. the resolve to do this, now, has a tight grip on him, and it’s equally fortunate and not that he feels like he can stay awake long enough to see this through.

he meets guren’s eyes, too, and then guren may feel a—burning, at his chest, over the wound. it’s the kind of burn that comes with dousing a wound in peroxide, sanitizing it. healing magic from someone more equipped for it might be warm and comforting, but this is pain.

dextera only knows pain, and so pain is all he can give even when he’s trying to help. his breath rattles in his throat. ]

...You better not.

[He can't stop him. If he weren't so injured in the first place, he could yank that hand away, push him back or force his own way about things. He'd be capable, treating Dextera's wounds and then playing the waiting game of them both being rested enough to think of what to do next.

Instead, his mind is foggy, and the introduction of more pain is enough to knock everything else out of him. A noise escapes him that wouldn't normally. Pain is something that he's very used to, but in a state like this, he's pathetic about it. Maybe not just that— purifying someone with a demon in their heart... possibly three... it's probably not the best combination? He can't hear Mahiru, anyway.

He remembers sound fading, muted just like Dextera's soft voice and then even more, and even the pain dulls. Eyelids grow heavy and fall shut, and suddenly, the blood loss combined with everything else is too much. He slumps forward, right at Dextera.

He'll wake up in a matter of hours, but plenty can change in a couple of hours. It's guaranteed that he'll jolt up in a panic once he finally does wake up.]

[ they must make a pathetic pair like this, with dextera holding onto his consciousness long enough to catch guren, trying to ensure that he won’t die... perhaps overextending himself in the process. almost certainly, in fact, but he faces his own potential death with the peace of someone who’s done a good deed. ]

...Guren.

[ he’s breathing. that’s all that matters, dextera thinks, when he pulls his hand back. the exertion of purification leadens his muscles, and the fact remains that he’s still bleeding—even if guren attended to his wounds, the slow drip is catching up with him, and he can feel darkness swallowing him, too.

he won’t die. he assures himself of that, as his head droops against guren’s shoulder.]

[There's darkness and nothing, at first. A black that feels like it lasts forever and a short moment all at the same time. He doesn't feel any more rested, but his body does ease up on all of the pain. Eventually, the white space of his mind comes into view, and Mahiru is there, holding Guren herself, stroking his face.

He's dazed, unable to move at first while she speaks to him. Comments about what happened, about what it might mean. There had been a strange fogginess to the entire area, and Mahiru was speaking about that now, cheerfully going on about how she didn't know what it was, but that it was exciting because she got to hold Guren like this.

And slowly, that devolves into teasing Guren about what a kind person he is. How he's still stuck on attachments. "After all," he remembers her saying with a twisted smile like she's enjoying it all. "You both fell asleep in each others arms while you bled out."]

Dex—

[Guren snaps awake from that, his whole body jolting as he gasps. Sure enough, he's here in this uncomfortable position with Dextera. His own wounds have been dealt with enough that they're not a threat to his life (especially that one on his chest), but he's still covered in blood. None of that matters, of course, as much as the man whose weight is leaning against him.

Guren shifts to grip both of his shoulders, unsure if he's woken him from all of this sharp moving around, but it would be fine if he did. He's checking to make sure that he's alive, really alive, breathing. That if there's something else that needs treating, Guren can get to it immediately and it will help.]

[ similarly, dextera sees a face that looks like his own, clawing at his chest like it wants to rip out his heart. a nightmare that he’s had before—familiar and terrible even so. this one ends differently, however, as he catches himself by his wrists. he stares into his own eyes, his fear and sorrow reflected back at himself, and...

he sees his own expression soften, both truly across him and mirrored in the glassy gaze of his brother.

“you can’t die,” he says, and dextera hears himself called by brother, first, and then dextera—dex—

he opens his eyes, finding himself being shaken awake by guren’s desperate search for a sign of life. his gaze is distant and glassy, and his body hurts. he’s never woken up still in pain, with a clone always to replace him and heal his wounds in their entirety. ]

...

[ he’s... alive? ]

[Oh thank god. Dextera moves just when Guren was fighting off the stinging in his eyes, and with that motion, he can blink it away as if it were never there. What he wants is to pull him into a hug, hold him close and feel him breathing. What he actually does is curl his fingers into those shoulders and then pull back to stand on his own.]

You idiot... [He's so relieved, but he'd been so anxious all the same. From the start to the finish.] Whatever you did put some sort of a strain on you, didn't it? Who the hell asked you to do that?

[And immediately, he's ranting. It seems like Guren is perfectly fine now, with the ease at which he's walking around. He's bloody, sore as hell, and he looks horrible, but that's not enough to stop him. Dextera needs real attention, now that they're spaced from this for long enough. He can find what first aid supplies he can, food, maybe there's bottled water or something... Anything.

He keeps speaking as he goes, and by refusing to look back at Dextera, he's hoping to hide the pain in his expression, the worry, the sadness. He's not doing a very good job of it, anyway.]

You look like a mess. What were you doing out here alone in the first place? You almost died!

[ dextera takes it all without complaint, largely because he’s tired, and still a little dizzy from the exhaustion. guren can yell at him until he feels better, and then... they can begin to heal, in whatever way they require it.

he touches his throat, a conscious motion. he spoke before, didn’t he? but he’s so weary now, and he’s not sure if his voice has left him again because of that or the same block that’s been laid over him since he woke up.

dextera tries to stand, wincing when the motion pulls at a wound that needs more attention than he’s given it. so maybe he’ll stay on the ground after all.

he breathes out; it’s a rough, wet sound, but at least he’s breathing. ]

[Guren remembers how he'd spoken, of course. It was the first real time he'd heard his voice, but already, the silence worries him. He really could speak, after all. He'd never asked such an invasive question... Guren stares over quietly as Dextera struggles and then stills again, a frown tugging hard at the corners of his lips.]

Don't push yourself.

[This time, his voice has quieted down considerably. Stepping back over to Dextera, he sets a number of things down nearby before sitting in front of him again. The first thing he does is pull open a can of who-knows-what and offer it to Dextera to eat. Eat!!!

While he's doing that, he'll look more carefully at his wounds and see how he can treat them. He'll be fussing a lot, basically, and Dextera is supposed to eat while ignoring Guren grabbing at him.]

...I'm sorry. [He finally corrects himself, eyes focused on what he's doing.] I didn't do enough.

[ in a way, dextera wishes that guren had salvaged the creature he killed, since dextera would take more benefit from a recently living creature than a can—but he’s not going to be ungrateful about it, and he eats in silence while guren pulls at him and checks his wounds.

dextera tried to purify him, didn’t he? he’s not sure if it worked or if it was guren’s demon or a combination of both, but guren is mobile. good. ]

...

[ at his apology, dextera frowns, his brow furrowing—in guilt, and frustration. how could guren say that, when he probably saved dextera’s life? is still working to save his life? dextera has no skills to preserve himself. he’s used to just dying. ]

N...

[ he shakes his head. he wants to say something, but... ]

[The start of a sound gets Guren to look up at Dex's face, but when nothing more comes, his heart sinks a little. He can't speak again? Guren lifts a hand to rest gently against Dextera's cheek.]

Hey. [He's cleaning wounds, bandaging with better materials that took a little more scrounging up— he'll do whatever he can. But seeing that sad face is too much.] Don't worry. We're both alive. That's what matters.

[So, he'll stop beating himself up (outwardly), and hopefully Dextera won't want to beat himself up, either. His hand drops away, joining the other at taking a look at injuries, tugging at Dextera's clothes to move them out of the way if he has to.]

So stay that way.

[ dextera takes comfort in guren’s hand against his cheek while he has it, and when guren pulls away—even if it’s to keep touching him, in other places—he feels the loss of it keenly and finds himself leaning forward without thinking about it.

he should have said more, while he still had it within him. in the aftermath, he can think of all the things he’d like to express.

now—well, now, he reaches out to place his hand against guren’s chest as before, this time with no real purpose, even if it means stopping him in the middle of his fretful first aid. dextera had been taking it without argument, but he’s settling again, waking properly. ]

[Dextera seems like he's going to make it. He has this far, so there's no reason it would get worse. A human body is more resilient than it looks— though he's not sure that he'd call Dextera human, it seems about the same. Even if he was used to dying, here he was, hanging on.

So, working so anxiously was an excuse to move his hands, on top of everything else. A fidget. A comfort that never sets in and leaves Guren feeling helpless when he stops. He was late, and even in being late, he was useless. He killed it, but did he learn a damn thing? No. Now, the fog meant it was too dangerous to head straight back out there, so they'd have to rest here and hope there were enough supplies.

That look from Dex, though, has Guren falling into his own silence. His heart aches, worries, freezes and warms all at once, and he moves his own hand back to cover Dextera's. Over his chest like this, he wonders if he can feel his heavy heartbeat. He breathes slowly, forcing himself to make it normal, and his other hand dies in its task. He's stopped completely now, just watching Dextera's expression.]

[ staring is all he has, when his voice fails him. they've communicated well enough without a laptop before now, with dextera writing out his answers on guren's hand, but now that seems almost... trivial. there are so many things that he could say and none of them would be satisfied on a word alone.

he doesn't care that guren is bloodied, that both of them are bloodied and have only just come back from the brink of death. all that matters is that guren is here, and alive, and warm. his heartbeat under dextera's palm is a welcome reminder that his mistakes didn't get guren killed. ]

...

[ he pulls his fingers out from under guren's now, but only to guide guren's hand from his chest to dextera's face, replacing his palm against his cheek. more than a bandage or a gauze, he wants this. ]

[Oh.

Guren brushes his fingers against Dextera's cheek, watching his expression. He wants the comfort? Maybe a hug would be the right thing to do? But he's awkward and he's sad and that would take his eyes off of him. He doesn't think he wants that right now. He's holding his breath, for some reason, but it slips out in a soft sigh at this sight.

Of course. Of course this would help, and he feels silly for pulling back and thinking he'd only been comforting himself. He ducks down and forward, kissing the corner of Dextera's lips on the side without his hand. It's chaste, of course; he's lost in thoughts and emotions. Words, as usual, aren't enough. He swipes his thumb over his cheek, instead.]

[ a chaste kiss is still a kiss, still more than normal, and dextera draws in a surprised breath—but it's quiet, only distinguishable from his usual breathing for how quickly it comes, and the way he holds it for a beat afterwards. still—something's there, he thinks, in the back of his throat. his voice, waiting to come out.

dextera closes his eyes, as if hiding his sight could coax out sound. ]

Guren.

[ there's no dreamy fantasy to this one—his voice, just as soft as before, but whole and real and more than just a word when it's a name. dextera squeezes guren's hand, and he'll wait to be sorry later if it hurts.

they could have died. guren could have died. ]

[Such a gently spoken name would have him blushing any other time. Right now, though, it underlines the significance of everything that just happened. Guren can shove his tears back and pretend he's fine, despite the way his chest still throbs and his throat feels dry, but... It was a barely sort of thing.

His other arm moves to wrap around Dextera, pulling him into his chest, held hand and all. He doesn't care if that squeeze hurts. It's a reminder that they're both still alive.]

I'm right here. It's okay. [Patiently, softly, he speaks. His free hand runs down the back of Dextera's head, through his hair, and then he's rubbing his back, slow and repetitive.] We're tougher than we look.

If I had lost you—

[ dextera cuts himself off, not because of his voice this time, but because he just doesn't know what to say. the feelings are there, but there are far too many words to follow such a thought. it feels like there's nothing in the world that could be as important as this moment, the quietude of this house, this town, surrounding them and keeping them safe even if the reality is they're probably still in danger.

it does hurt, a little, to have guren pull him in—but there's a relief in it that soothes it just as quickly. he'd take that pain a thousand times over whatever would surely be worse in guren's absence. ]

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