teaism | I couldn't utter my love when it counted

[He'd feel lost now, if Eichi were to vanish. He still fears being alone, and after their ordeal, he's a bit... skittish, he thinks is the best way to put it. Less gently, he's terrified. But he adores Eichi too much to give up. They'll push on.

Oh, but that's good news he's sharing! Wataru beams, still clinging to Eichi, pressing soft kisses to his cheek and temple.]

Do you really want me to stay with you? My parents shouldn't have a problem with it... I'd get to see you every day, from morning until night! Be careful that I don't annoy you~!

I wouldn't offer it if it wasn't something that I wanted, you know.

[His voice is lower, quiet and intimate so the guard at the door really can't hear them. He smiles at the kisses, cheeks flushing a little for it.]

I believe there is still much we could learn about one another. Even tied together with fate, we shouldn't skip normal things that other high schoolers get to enjoy. In the privacy of my mansion, let's work hard... but let's also take time to enjoy ourselves.

Well? What do you think? That sort of proposition is a little unlike me, isn't it~?

[This whispering has Wataru taking it a way that he knows it's definitely not intended and it's not like he's had thoughts about Eichi or anything no of course not but his face is... really getting red all of a sudden.]

It's true that we have a very long way to go. I like that about us. Even if I love you with all my heart, we're still merely classmates and unitmates, and I don't have a single right to your confidences! We'll work hard side by side, and we'll learn each other inside and out.

[He smiles, shy.]

It's unlike you, but I'm so enchanted by it that I might float off into the sky thinking about it. Being alone with you... it's a dream.

[Is he sure it's entirely not intended to be heard that way? Is he?]

I'd like to offer you a challenge, in that time. Regardless of whether you'll take it, would you humor me and listen to it?

[His finger trails a circle over Wataru's chest, over his heart. Their shared mark... He wonders what the nurses must have thought seeing Wataru's.]

I already admire you. Your talents, your strengths, your heart. However... I have difficulty understanding you, and I believe I've thought of just what it must be. Those feelings you talk about, enchantment, and hopes and dreams...

I'd like to believe in them blindly, but I've been ruined to that sort of mindset. Everything is a goal with set tasks. Things like magic and love, which you seem to excel in, are things that I can't comprehend, and it baffles me.

I'd like you to try to grant me that understanding. To win me over, if you will. All the while, though I'll allow you to do whatever you'd like, I'll hold on tightly to your hand and forbid you from floating away. Fufu... how does that sound?

[He's not sure, now. Not with Eichi touching him so gently. He'd like to just float away after all, as long as Eichi goes with him, to a place that's just for the two of them, a utopia where no one can interrupt this proposition he's just made.]

Eichi... I'll show you! I'll show you love, magic, hopes and dreams you can only guess at now! I'll make your world Amazing! If I couldn't would I be your own personal, dearly beloved Wataru Hibiki? I'd still just be everyone's, and that's not good enough anymore. No, I need to be yours. It's just more fun!

[Don't ask how, but he reaches behind Eichi's ear and pulls a rose from behind it. Magic.]

This little bloom of an idea, from you to me... Let's make it grow. A whole garden of roses, endless possibilities! [He offers the flower to Eichi.] I'll protect you from the thorns, and only let you see the beautiful things. Through it all, if you try your hardest to see the core of Amazing, you'll become just as light and free as I am!

[The rose is pulled out, and Eichi looks genuinely amazed. Eyes a little wide, pulling back to clap his hands like an excited schoolgirl before he accepts the rose, laughing softly.]

Wah, that's incredible... How did you get a rose, even in a place like this?

[The meaning behind this, too... He can't deny that his heart is beating fast. He's excited about putting this challenge out there. He wants to run at each other full force and feel what love really is.]

As part of my promise to you, I'll open my mind completely to it. Through this, I believe we'll also find the ultimate balance in our unit. [He brings the flower closer to his face, smelling it, smiling down at it.]

Say, Wataru... Since this meeting of ours began, I can't help but wonder if this might be some sort of elaborate dream. That I might be in a coma, all alone in my hospital room, and my mind is making this up as I drift towards an early death. It's a fear of mine, you know.

Tell me... this is reality, isn't it?

Shall I reveal my secrets? I'll tell all if you unlock love and Amazing~!

[Anything to make Eichi smile like that. It's become quite the priority for Wataru, Eichi's smile. He cups his hands around Eichi's, helping him lift the flower, watching him with love in his eyes.]

This is reality.

[His hands leave the rose and go to Eichi's cheeks, stroking them softly as he leans in for a kiss. It's gentle, but it lingers, Wataru heedless of the shifting of the guard, just him lost in a little world with Eichi that no one can touch or destroy ever again.]

I'm real, you're real, and we are both here. It's not a glamorous place to be, this hospital bed! But it suits me just fine if only because I get to be so close to you. You understand that feeling, don't you? Why, if you don't, I'll be hurt!

[A kiss on his lips, right here? It's a good thing he's not hooked up to his heart monitor right now, because it feels like he's soaring. He wants more and more of these. Each one creates a new rush of excitement, pushes him along further, and his cheeks are burning for it, a smile cracking through even when he tries to stay composed. He laughs, gently.]

I do understand, Wataru... Though it may be difficult for you to believe me, I hold you dear to my heart already. I'd like not just to understand these feelings more, but to experience them.

So this is reality...

[He seems glad about it, a free hand brushing over his own lips. The guard clears his throat at the door, but Eichi ignores him.]

In that case, I may be excited to continue living. [Pulling back, reluctantly, he looks down at Wataru.]

Ah, but I have those tasks I promised you to do, real quick. Notably, to be sure that the guard that helped you isn't harmed... I'll be back shortly after I arrange that.

[Wataru will gradually come to love him more, to need him more, to not be able to go a waking moment without wanting to embrace or kiss Eichi. He knows this is an inevitability, and he's excited for it. For that closeness. For that certainty.

Until then, he'll carefully guide Eichi along. Until the day he'll hear Eichi say he loves him, too. It's a foregone thing in Wataru's mind, their love, the way they'll someday feel. He rushes to it, runs up with arms spread wide and grabs onto the feeling, unwilling to let go. It's too precious to not chase.]

I think you'll learn very quickly just what those feelings might be. I'll help you every step of the way. My dear Eichi! You'll soon love life as much as you love being an idol!

[He sighs happily and flops back down on the bed, knowing full well he's still injured. Yet he still acts a bit surprised when flopping back knocks the wind out of him, and he wheezes gently, trying to conceal his discomfort.]

Go, then. I'll rest here a little more, and see about looking into the gifts that were left. It's very kind of our classmates to do something like that.

Mm. I think you should. Rest well, Wataru.

[Eichi doesn't say it, but he thinks he noticed something between his own gifts and Wataru's. There seems to be a clear difference between a gift given purely for show and one from the heart. He hadn't been able to truly experience it until now, but... He thinks he's understanding bit by bit.

He flashes a smile at the guard by the door as he slips out of bed and grabs his IV again, and the guard averts his eyes. Eichi moves past him and begins speaking to one of the nurses in the hall, and from there, even as he moves back to his hospital bed to wait, it's clear he's working.

Thankfully, the rest of their time in the hospital goes smoothly. Eichi's health isn't the best it's ever been, but it gets to a steady enough place that he can leave, and Wataru's injuries are apparently looking great for healing, as well. He's instructed that he's welcome to do his usual idol activities, but that he should remember to take it easy and not do anything too extreme for the next month or so, to be absolutely sure.

Of course, Eichi's plans might push that a little. He has them practicing in a way that pushes the both of them, but Wataru recovering means that the blonde at least is slightly more aware of remembering break times. Still, though, he does push himself. Even now, he's panting and out of breath, so focused on practicing their routine that he's not speaking nearly as much as usual. Their bodies do the talking in this, after all. Yin and yang, two halves of a whole, dark and light, coming together, brushing and crossing and clashing and melding.

The appeal is different compared to how fine was, and Eichi likes that. It makes him more versatile as an idol, even if it pushes his capabilities like this. He's sweating, at least, so it means his body is functioning that much, even if his chest aches. With his limited breath, he speaks:]

What do you think? With that latest addition, it draws us closer quite intimately... I believe it carries across what we were hoping for a bit better when we push lines like that.

[Wataru focuses on recovery, and somehow, despite scars and bruises and his poor, poor hair, he's in fine shape when he leaves the hospital.

Then it's back to business. First of all, they have to get new songs. They have to learn them, choreograph them, come up with costumes that suit their unit so they can participate in lives and be taken seriously at school. They focus on performance first, with the comparative downtime reserved for singing lessons, school, and costume design. Today it's dance practice, and Wataru has noticed Eichi getting more and more breathless as they go along. The dances for this unit are far less refined than fine, far more aggressive, almost sensual at times. There's a constant push and pull. What's more, Eichi seems to be guiding it that way.

When Wataru suggests a change, it's considered. Then Eichi rises up to perfect it, out of further consideration for the unit image, and it elevates from idea to art. Wataru will never not envy him that ease of transforming ideas into reality. Oh, but it's a loving envy. He's happy Eichi has such a wonderful skill.

This last dance move, they've rewritten five times, and each time it's gotten them closer and closer together. They're both sweating, and so close that Wataru's head spins. He has to be professional during dance rehearsal. They break away from each other after the final pose, and Wataru, blushing charmingly, goes to retrieve water for them both.]

It's not quite suggestive, but it still suggests emotional intimacy. It suits the lyrics perfectly! We'll definitely surprise everyone with this.

Ah... I think so, too. A song with this energy will wake the crowd that's likely expecting you to blend in seamlessly with the prior image of fine, as well. I'm looking forward to it.

[Wataru is as attractive as always, but this time, Eichi isn't dealing with bitter anger in the way of his admiration. It's pure beauty, and he gets to press so close to it. He's more and more thankful every moment for the direction they've taken this.

And he feels alive! Even if he's feeling a little dizzy right now from how excited he's getting, watching Wataru's back as he goes to get water. Ah. He's fine, he's fine, and by the time Wataru is looking back, Eichi is pointedly facing elsewhere and running his hand through his hair to try and cool down.]

I think this may be the final edit, this time. I can't think of any changes that would improve on this for now, at the very least. We should try it once more, to be certain.

You'll come out in white and the opening of the song will set them up to think it's more of the status quo, then I come in with the darker energy, as the main melody begins. They'll never know what hit them, Eichi!

[Wataru just wants to be close to Eichi. He wants to radiate energy that brings Eichi up, wants to keep him strong and capable and motivated. He refuses to let this venture fail. But he can't help staring fondly, maybe with a bit of longing, at Eichi's back.

He's been staying here for a few days, in a room uncomfortably far from Eichi's, in a bed that's too big for one person, and maybe... maybe he's thought things he shouldn't think in someone else's home. Somehow, he expected they'd kiss here and there, but Eichi has been all business. It's very helpful and motivational, but Wataru can't shake this awful dread that he's going to be one-sided in his complete and utter longing for quite a while. But, then again, it's been mere days. They've only even been a unit for about two months. They've only not been enemies for that long. This longing will die down and pass, he thinks, as they work hard together and aim for the top of Yumenosaki.

But he'll still fuss over Eichi and look out for his well-being. He taps him on the shoulder and looks at him with overflowing affection as he hands Eichi the water.]

A little water, first, to replenish, then we'll do the entire song from the top. I might be getting a cramp in my leg, so we may have to stop for a little while after. But I want to press on! One more run! With Eichi by my side, anything is possible.

...Thank you.

[His thanks is spoken in a little puff of air, and he smiles as he accepts the water, his bangs falling sloppily across his face after how he'd run his fingers through them. Of course, he'd kept Wataru in his own space because he felt that was what was right. That he shouldn't act like just because he so boldly crawled into Wataru's hospital bed that he can always do that.

No, he has to work for it. That's what he believes. To make up for all that he's done, he has to work hard, right? He can't just be given things freely. He doesn't deserve it. And... he's not sure what Wataru's thought process may really be. He seems so difficult to read.

Eichi has been tempted to sneak down to his room at night, but he's resisted each time. Just as he's resisting the urge to step closer, now. The most he does is lift his free hand and touch Wataru's arm in his thanks, lingering too long before he pulls it back to open his water. He needs this drink.]

A whole run, then. [Spoken before a sip, that he takes nice and slow, eyes closing. Ah, he really needed this. He feels like he needs an entire cold shower to clear his thoughts from Wataru completely, though.

Put it into the performance, he keeps telling himself. Be as elusive as ever, make Wataru chase him, try to cover him, and then tease back with longing touches and gentle caresses. Yes... He'll show him that he can be an idol, and he'll release some of this pent up feeling, right?]

I'd hate for you to injure yourself, so this will be the last time for today, then. I'm ready.

[That little huff of thanks is all Wataru needs to keep going. Joyously, he spins around in place, then takes a sip of his own water. Honestly, he's a bundle of energy that can barely be contained right now, so full of potential is this venture. He's overjoyed!

He sets his water back to the side after a few more sips, taking Eichi's when he's done, too. Their fingers brush, and it's electric, in Wataru's opinion. Maybe Eichi doesn't feel the same way, but Wataru swears that now and forever he will revel in their shared fate.]

I'll cue the music. One moment.

[He goes back over to his phone and taps the screen. The speakers in the room start playing a series of clicks, and Wataru runs over to strike his first pose, a crouch at the far end of the "stage". Eichi's solo for the first several bars, vocals with sparing dance movements before Wataru even comes in.

Watching Eichi out of the corner of his eye, he finds himself unable to critique. Eichi really is capable of doing anything he practices enough, and he's a genius of hard work even with his frail body. Wataru looks up to him.

There's the count before his cue, and Wataru slowly rises, sensual, predatory, the darker side of the coin. His movements are fluid and graceful, more akin to what one would see female dancers do in pop videos, but with little touches that make it work. He embodies his elements, his half, and he doesn't miss a step.

They come together gradually over the course of the song, and by the second chorus, he's looking directly at Eichi. He catches Eichi's eye just before a move that sees him touch one shoulder, spin behind Eichi, grip the other arm, and turn Eichi around with the momentum. Their bodies brush together, and Wataru is glad at that point they're not singing, because he knows he'd lose his voice.]

[It's all electric. Eichi feels it in every brush. Even if they move close enough that the air around them shifts, he wants to shiver and holds it in, capturing that tension and pushing it forward. Momentum, energy. He doesn't want to ruin this.

And so, he acts as light would. His motions are graceful and ethereal, but there's a new sort of energy behind them so separate from his old days of fine. Every touch from Wataru has him pulling towards him like a magnet, every turn away has him weighted. It's clear, they're drawn to one another in this act, repelled and then drawn again, and it's more intimate each time. Closer, closer, he can feel the heat of Wataru's body more than his own sometimes, and he breathes deep, sensual...

Ahh. He's losing himself to this a bit. But that's the best, isn't it? Normally, he saves this for the stage, but they have to be sure that it's perfect. That it will be just right for their debut. He gives it his all, slender fingers drawing back against Wataru in one motion, dragging down, and then he turns away, waiting to be chased, to be pulled, yanked. His heart is beating faster and faster, they're almost at the end of the song and...

God, Wataru is gorgeous. It wasn't his hair alone. Even now, his hair is still gorgeous, but his eyes are that beautiful purple, his skin is flawless, his figure... just slightly broader shoulders than Eichi, yet he's strong, so capable of movement, he's perfect.

He presses forward, both his hand and his chest pressing to Wataru's front, knowing he's meant to push back here, and their faces are close, for this rather intimate line in the song that they're not yet singing. His eyes have been staying locked on to Wataru's for some time now.]

[Every movement tells their story. The violence of second year, the triumphant breakthrough on the roof. Every single moment they've shared together is reflected in this dance, Wataru thinks, all portrayed by the push and pull, the weaving together of different styles, the way it comes together in the end where their palms touch and--

Wataru's hand is up, but Eichi's isn't. Eichi is closer than he's supposed to be, Eichi is staring, all it would take is a little courage and Wataru could close that gap and forget the rest of the dance. Is this a test? Is he seeing if Wataru will give in and come to him? Is he waiting for an opportunity?

They stand there, frozen, as the last few lines play. Then the clicks at the lead of the track start playing, the track repeats, and Wataru's chest aches as he stands there, stock still, staring into ice. Beautiful ice, half melted into pools he could get lost in forever. If only he could!

He tips forward slightly, their lips millimeters apart, when an alarm on Wataru's phone cuts through the music and startles him away. Staggering back, he looks away shyly, a hand clutched over his heart. Slowly, he heads over to his phone to silence the alarm. He can't say a word. He feels the tension between them, so thick it's like they're both being strangled by the red string that ties them together. The alarm is killed, then the rehearsal track, and Wataru stays on the ground, kneeling beside his phone, trying to catch his breath and hide a suddenly very awkward part of himself.]

Ah, we almost had it. I think that went really well! Tomorrow, we can try again, right? It's dinner time, after all.

[It was so close. Time slowed, his heart was beating in his ears, his throat was tight, and then... just as he had been about to lean closer, Wataru pulls back, and the motion has him bringing a hand to his own head so he doesn't stumble forward. He feels faint. He... he feels too hot. He almost lost his control, didn't he? He wonders if Wataru was startled away because he saw that look in his eyes. If maybe that lustful desire had shown too much. He's ashamed now, embarrassed and looking elsewhere, trying unsuccessfully to steady himself.]

R-right, it is, isn't it? The staff will already be setting it out, and we can leave things as they are in here without any cleanup for now. [Breath heavy, worse than before, he takes an unsteady step towards the door.]

Once we change, let's meet back in the dining room.

[Right now, he thinks he needs to step outside and get some air. If Wataru doesn't stop him, he's going to hurry to walk and do that Right Now.]

[Wataru can only manage a small whimper as Eichi leaves, because it's not like he'll maintain his own dignity if he goes after him. Stupid bodies. Stupid hormones!! Wataru curses his whole system!

He eventually returns to his room, changing into nicer clothes for dinner, but he hesitates to even go. Yet hunger drives him there, and try as they both might to discuss the show, their unit, anything, it all ends in awkward silence. He excuses himself before dessert, even.

It's a few hours later, and all the loneliness has gotten to Wataru. This mansion is too big, too lonely. He pulls out his phone and fires off a message to Eichi.]

🌹🕊🌠

[The buzz and chime of his phone surprises him, but when he pulls it over to look at the screen, his heart soars. So, Wataru wasn't weirded out too much by how awkward everything had seemed? Eichi felt like he was creating it all himself. He longed for him, for brushes of skin, eye contact, everything. Even passing things over the table was like slow torture. So Eichi, who normally was the first to fall asleep, was wide awake, left staring at the ceiling and wondering how to calm himself even now.

But this message makes everything feel exciting again. Ahh, but it's nice, isn't it? That Wataru still wants to message him. That he's doing it so late. Could that mean...?]

Fufu. ♪ You're still awake, Wataru? Did you need me to have anything brought to you?

[After everything they've been through together, Wataru won't let awkwardness between them last forever. He's feeling isolated, when the point of all this was to make them a stronger unit. All he's doing is laying here watching Netflix documentaries and movies constantly. He can do that at home! With his beloved parents!]

I'm still awake~☆ I keep running through our choreography in my mind and trying to think of how to improve it! But is there really a way to improve upon your perfection?

[ That’s— he laughs softly, at his phone, fingers tracing along the edge of it before he replies. ]

You flatter me too much. Isn’t it you who’s perfect in this? I was trying my best to find things to critique, but your moves were lovely enough to be mesmerizing. I enjoyed every bit of it.

[Wataru holds his phone close to hia face, reading the message with a growing smile. Eichi...]

I've hardly been able to see you dance like this! Isn't it interesting, playing such a masculine role? Nothing of the androgyny of angels, but a full and perfect expression of your powerful heart~☆ As for me, I've simply been practicing when you can't see me! Be careful to keep your eyes steady on me or you'll miss something vital~🎵

[ Somehow this feels... exciting. Eichi rolls into his stomach, wrapping his arms around a pillow that he rests his face on as he texts. ]

I’d hate for that to happen... I should work to keep my eyes on you more, then~? Even when I so rarely look away.

[Wataru is definitely thinking about Eichi's eyes and losing himself in that thought. He's so... ethereal sometimes. Wataru kicks his feet a bit and curls up on his side.]

If you keep your eyes on me, and only me, you might see something surprising. I'd prefer your eyes stay fixed on me, so no one else will be able to take you away. You're not prone to straying, are you? You could carve out room in your heart just for me, and I'd give you everything you ever dared dream of.

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