teaism | 90s sadness and gay???

[Oh— oh, okay, he's suddenly being jerked out of the sort of nervous calm (if there really is such a thing) that had held the room moments ago. What was wrong with what he said?? He sees Leon's hand and looks up at him himself, so no grabbing has to go on here.

Looking at Leon the moment he says of course is a mistake. His heart definitely can't take this. He's squeezing Leon's arm now—] You, for heaven's sake.

[cOME ON]

[It's the answer everything in his heart hopes for, but not the one he expects. Somehow, he's maintained this level of obliviousness. He's been this dense, for this long. His eyes blink wider in surprise, his hand moves to touch fingertips to D's cheek and he's stuck after that. Again, he's stuck.]

Me?

[He's so clueless, and he looks it. With all of this out in the open, he couldn't deny it any longer. He really had fallen for D's charms. It doesn't even matter how long ago.]

I thought... [No, wait, maybe he shouldn't finish that sentence. Actually, maybe he should do something at all, other than sit there and stare in embarrassed amazement at this confession. Is it even a confession if he practically had to shake D to get a solid answer out of him?]

[Is he honestly asking that... Honestly. D blinks at him, brow furrowed slightly, he's honestly not sure if Leon can be this dense and still remember he has to breathe regularly— If not for the barely-there touch to his cheek, he would think Leon has just gone catatonic all of a sudden.

Leon is just staring, and D is just looking back at him, waiting... Is he going to finish his sentence? No?]

Who else could it possibly be?

[Slowly, he shifts to face D more on the couch. This means that unfortunately they have to stop leaning on one another, but at the very least he can put his hands on D's shoulders.]

...I thought I was imagining things.

[His own feelings, specifically. Any little sparks of them he'd shoved away, but—] Beyond that, how was I supposed to know you felt the same! Give me something solid next time instead of that bullshit about holding hands!

[Imagine if this had lasted a week? A week of handholding and not understanding?? HE'D DIE. He's so red, he has to look down and away.]

Damn it, D, I just thought you were messing with me!

[Oh, he's moving- thanks for holding him up like this, or the sheer weight of Leon's bumbling idiocy would lead to his total collapse. As it stands, he still looks very much like he can't believe Leon didn't notice. He's been thinking he was going too far! What should he have done, crawled into his lap? Honestly.]

What— [WHAT kind of MORON] You are a complete idiot. Even my father could tell!

[Like, damn... damn. He takes a breath and looks down again, covering his face with his now free hands. Please, spare him...]

Absolutely ridiculous... [Now he'll look up again, though.] Leon, look at me.

Wait, really?!

[HIS FATHER KNEW?? HOW... He's going to fall over from all of this overwhelming information. But he's feeling lightheaded for another reason, he thinks. The fact that they're at some sort of an agreement, despite the arguing, must mean something. If he could get past the awkwardness of it all, get past his feelings of D versus what he'd been telling himself aloud about D all along... then maybe he could do something.

He hears his name and snaps out of his brief daze, blinking back at D. His hands don't leave his shoulders, but his arms do slacken a bit in his defeat. This all could have been addressed sooner, if he just noticed...]

What?

[Father was weirdly perceptive for a total psychopath...

This has not been the smoothest confession in the world. Even Leon admitting he has feelings period was kind of tucked in there like maybe no one would notice, and now he looks so upset by not realizing... D hesitates before lifting his hands again to hold Leon's face this time and just look at him.

He now has the opportunity to do that, so he'll take it. Give him a moment.]

Tell me how you feel. [do it... it's only fair] I would like to hear you say it.

[It's a fair request, but it still feels like the air has been sucked right out of him. He's flustered, embarrassed and left to deal with something he's been in denial over for far too long. That would be difficult normally, in any condition, but with D holding his face like this, he can only look right back at him.

His own hands drop away from D's shoulders as he tries to search for the right words to both express how he feels and not dig him deeper into this hole of utter embarrassment.

How he feels... How he feels!! Just say it, Leon, the hard part is over! D just admitted something himself!]

I want to be with you! [That's what gets blurted out first, his hands moving up suddenly to cover D's. Emotion's getting the best of him, but for once, that may be just fine. How else would he manage to yell these embarrassing things?] I started looking forward to coming over to the pet shop. Spending time with you, or when Chris was around, and even all the animals...

[He's saying more than he has to here. Gross. At the same time, he's still not saying enough, he thinks. But he's barely registering all of this at once. Give him time.]

I want that back. I want to make up for whatever the hell I missed! And... [Ah, his heated energy is dying out as his eyes slide down and to the side.] I don't know how else to say this. I guess I want to be closer to you.

[Everything Leon says is honestly more than D is expecting, somehow. He thinks maybe he'll just blurt out something blunt and to the point, and that would be just fine— once he hears I want to be with you, he really doesn't need to hear anything else. So forgive him for looking surprised after that, when Leon goes on...

It aches in an old way to have those memories touched on again—the shop in LA, the three of them having time together... His leaving would have become an inevitably anyway, after that FBI agent arrived, but it could have been different. If it hadn't been for that girl, making him realize he hardly understands the very thing they're trying to do now—

Does he understand it now? Barely. Perhaps it is enough, just to feel...

Ah. But what does he say, other than just "yes"??] Oh— quite.

[quite??? bury him]

That is... what I want, as well. [yea, this is good.]

[...Slowly, his fingers curl around D's hands and he pulls them away from his face, moving them down between them.]

I pour my heart out and all you say is "quite?"

[And that other stuff, but still... This isn't the movie-like scene he pictured it would be at all. Then again, he normally pictured a hot girl, too... Like that was ever going to happen. It's fine. He's not even thinking of the implication of what other people he could like, because all that he cares about right now is D.

He guesses he gave in to that when he decided to chase him across the world.]

Then... I guess that's what this is, huh?

I have never done this before.

[It's not much of an excuse, but it is one. How is he supposed to do this at all, let alone with manners? His hands are held between them and that's nice but it's not enough. He had no expectations, unlike Leon - expectations are not a thing his family believes in. With nothing to compare this to, it's as confusing as it is exciting, and all of it brand new.

He shifts to face Leon more completely, one hand slipping loose from being held and sliding up Leon's arm, to hold on just past his wrist. D leans in slightly, eyes searching his face before meeting his gaze again. What is this, specifically...?]

Was that your whole heart? That is what I want.

[But not creepy, like it sounds. Maybe a little creepy.]

[How many times will blushy face be used, now. The leaning in makes him nervous, even if it's not in a bad way, and accompanied by serious words like that... Of course he gets flustered.]

N-never? Not even once? [No way... Then all of those times before were just weird coincidences? He isn't sure why he thought D was a little more experienced than this, but is he actually clueless?]

Uh, my whole heart? Yeah, I think... What else is there to say? [Ummm, ummm!! He's not smooth at all, but he squeezes D's hand.] I like you a lot.

[??? Is his whole heart in D's palm yet because it sure feels like it has been for months now, at least.]

[Raises eyebrow... yes lots of people want to straight up marry him, and one time he nearly banged a goat man, but feelings? And talking about them? He's barely hanging on, here. Not even once!!

Leon's bumbling answer is so genuine, it's honestly ridiculous. He was so much more confident in why he should be allowed to put his shoes on the couch, and yet - well. He's cute, that's all. He's cute and he likes D a lot, which sounds silly at best for a grown man to say. Even D knows that.]

Goodness, do you? [D...] How fortuitous. I like you a lot, myself.

[He has literally no right to rib Leon like this when he's a dumb child himself, but he's doing it!!]

Hey, shut up.

[Now he's pouting about it. See what you've done, D? Leon lightly pushes at D's shoulder, clearly not meant to actually push him away. It's playful, like instead of doing anything actually bold or daring like a kiss, or a hug, he'll manage physical contact in this way. The same way he always has.]

I don't see you saying something as straightforward as that! [He's BETTER AT THIS...] Don't make me regret saying anything.

[He won't regret it at all, but he can grumble grumpily all he wants.]

[This was the goal all along... Pouting Leon is top tier, gold star. D is just weird?? He doesn't even get bothered about that push, not quite laughing at him but close... This gets much easier when Leon is even more out of his depth??

But yes, yes, Leon is so experienced and seductive. He's the real adult here.]

"Straightforward" to you must mean something incredibly different. You have the subtlety of a sledgehammer. [He puts his free hand on Leon's knee, this time. Speaking of subtlety and lack thereof.] Hmm, what shall I say...?

[He leans in a little more...] Why, you've captured my heart so completely, I would like nothing more than... [a little. more!!] ...your filthy shoes all over my furniture?

[are you feeling it now mr. detective]

...Mm, but still— you have.

[Oh. Hand, on his knee... Leon's still focused on literally staring at this when D leans closer and he's forced to face him, instead. He leans back a little bit with it, not to get away so much as to keep his eyes on D's face. He's so experienced and seductive and lost when it comes to this.

That line!! He's already flustered, so at least his face can't heat up any more than that. But how is that line any less weird than him saying he likes him a lot!]

Oh. [Like, he's half expecting this to be some weird love potion side arc, somebody pinch him—] So you won't get mad if I try to kiss you?

[He's honestly so stupid...]

[...So this is really a work in progress, isn't it? It takes all of D's self control not to lean back completely in total exasperation, at this point. Good god.]

Exactly what kind of dates have you been going on...?

[He's so lucky he's cute!! Even though they're definitely about to make this as unromantic as possible...]

You are welcome to kiss me, yes.

[A great start!! He's going to have a heart attack from all of this nonsense.]

[NONE, LATELY... Please don't shame him like this. He didn't want to try it and find out D was actually some sort of prude!! What would happen then?? He'd be upset.

Honestly, he's just a mess when it comes to D. Everything he thought he was confident in gets all messed up and he's left with... this. Maybe it'll get better this way. Frowning a little at how calm D seems to be, Leon leans closer himself, lifting D's chin with a free hand to kiss him. It's about as nervous as one would expect.]

[Ah, bury him. When he melts, collect what's left to him and pour that into the mold of someone who can handle himself. He doesn't know how much more obvious he can be- like, obviously he could, but he's already touching Leon's knee!! That's racy! But apparently trying very hard to send the right signals still hasn't prepared him for the actual moment of being kissed.

His heart is pounding but the rest of him is oddly still, not wanting to make even the smallest of wrong movements to throw off this moment. Leon is nervous, and after D's moment of total stillness, that inspires him not to be. He leans more fully into the kiss, hand sliding further up Leon's thigh. He's done this before... Kiss him like you mean it!!]

[D's lips are really soft. It's the first thing he thinks. He's not sure why he was assuming this kiss would be more awkward than it is. Because they're both guys? Because all they've done is argue? He doesn't know, but part of him had been worried he wouldn't like it, which is just strange considering how much he'd wanted this.

The hand on his thigh is so distracting, too. Normally he can just close his eyes and forget about things and feel and it's super easy, but this is D. It's a hell of a lot different!

Still, he convinces himself to calm down, kissing back with steadily growing confidence. He hasn't been shoved away yet. This is a good sign. He can do this. Eventually, his hand feels too awkward hovering at D's chin, and so he slides it further back along his jaw and into his hair. Also soft... His skin, too. Had he really not noticed how much he wanted to do any of this?]

[At least one of them can still function without a panic delay?? D feels like he ought to... compensate, as it were, for Leon's case of nerves, but also do it in a way that doesn't make him freeze up entirely. But how does one... do that... Now that he's here, how does he slow down??

Well, he won't. Not until Leon physically moves him away, anyway. He tugs the hand Leon is still holding free, finally, to brace against his shoulder as he all but flattens himself against his chest. Hello...

If Leon wanted him to be more straightforward, well, this is it. There's nothing about him now that's cagey and tiptoeing around his feelings. It's not a question about noticing or not with him, but allowing himself to want this as much as he does. With Leon here, warm mouth and fingers in his hair, the decision is much easier.]

[Holy shit, he wasn't ready for this much D all at once. He wants this, he's sure he does, but he's hardly finished recovering from one sensation before being assaulted with the next. D is practically on top of him like this, and Leon feels... out of practice. Kissing a guy like this doesn't seem all that different from kissing a girl. Actually, this is going a lot smoother than most of his relationships. Just— very fast.

He leans back just slightly, resting that free palm on the couch behind him to keep them semi propped up as D presses closer like that. Everything about this is overwhelming, but Leon doesn't want it to stop, either. He laces his fingers further into his hair, holding D close as he deepens the kiss.

Okay, it's getting easier if he just gets really into feeling it and doesn't think. That's easy enough, not thinking!]

[Leon is still in one piece, it's fine!! This is totally fine. D appreciates him leaning back, incidentally, so he really can give up on holding himself up and just lean entirely against him. That frees up his hand to grope up past his shoulder into his hair, holding maybe slightly tighter than necessary. The intensity of the kiss is getting a little... dizzying—

It's still fine!! He has so many wasted moments he didn't put his hands all over Leon to make up for, here, so he's not going to break away until he genuinely needs to breathe before not breathing becomes a problem.

He honestly does look dizzy, don't think too hard about that...]

—Goodness. Well! [leon..... kisses better than the goat, congratulations] I can safely say I am not mad.

[Oh, this is going good...! The more it goes on, the more confident he gets, and by the time they break this kiss to breath, Leon is able to smile. He should hope he kisses better than a goat, thank you very much. D looks a little off, but it's definitely because he's that good, right? This is great!]

Man, why didn't you say something sooner? We could have done that ages ago!

[He's suddenly very into admitting this. It's fine now that he's done it and hasn't caught fire or been disgusted in any way at all. Magical. He's pretty happy overall, look at him... Smiling even though he's a little embarrassed and playing a little with D's hair.] Well, but I guess it wasn't that easy to say...

[Don't lie to him... It took this long just to come up with "I like you a lot," so please, just face how lame they both are. D is recovering... settling back into remembering Leon is a total loser. But playing with his hair feels nice, so he can keep doing that.]

Oh, but you were so eloquent. [He lifts his hand from Leon's thigh to lay across his chest, so he can rest his chin there and continue to not sit back up. Nah...] Someone with such a way with words as yours needed me to say something first? Hmm.

me leaving this earth

ascends

loud sighing for ten yrs

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