teaism | 90s sadness and gay???

[Can he just toss that glass across the room now, he's placed his aside, clearly...

His chest hurts again. Those words— they're not teasing, are they? It sounds too genuine to be poking fun at him. There isn't that mocking smile, either. He's just honestly repeating it again for him to hear. He thinks he's stopped breathing.]

Hearing that from you... [His voice is a little weak, too, so he has to clear his throat as he looks down at their joined hands.] It feels like I'm dreaming.

[Ugh!! Don't look at him.]

[It feels like what? That's too much for him to listen to— it isn't more mumbled agreements with what he's saying, it's actually...

His heart must have stopped, surely. Leon actually managed to say that, and seriously? That was serious— How can he respond to this without fumbling every word?]

You aren't. [Helpful reminder. Here, just take his cup and get rid of it for him, he's holding it out.] I could say it once more.

[He takes the glass because he doesn't know what else to do with his hand, and it's being offered to him. He doesn't bother looking to where he sets the cup down, but he manages with his long limbs to set it down somewhere and not have it crash over.

That offer...

It's hard to breathe, his chest hurts, and that offer sounds more appealing than it should. The air feels tense when it's like this. He spoke seriously because he's not getting rid of this serious feeling. He wants to look away in embarrassment, but he can't bring himself to.]

Maybe... one more time.

[Goodbye, glass. D draws his hand back then but not all the way to himself, hovering a moment before placing it lightly on Leon's arm between them. To say it again... well, it would be a bit lackluster to say the exact same words again, wouldn't it? So...]

I missed you. Without you, I was... lonely. Now that you're here, I do not think I will let you leave. [Evening crazy reminder...] You are the only one to make me feel this way.

[ssssoooooo]

[This is a different kind of murder D's committing in front of him. That touch sends a shiver through him he has to try to ignore, and each word that falls out hits him with a twisting, heavy feeling in his gut. Heat rises to his face and ears, but he doesn't know if it shows. He's too busy thinking to worry about it.

Those words mean so much, no matter how many times he says it.]

D, do you... [Words are more difficult than they have any right to be. He smooths his thumb a little over the hand he's holding, his eyes moving back and forth between their hands and D's face that's so close.] I mean, uh, is this—

[Gulp... what does he do?? Save him, he's frozen and he's only going to turn more pink by the second.]

[This is it, this is the dorky reaction he lives for. It could stand to be less dorky, but something about Leon stuttering makes his chest feel lighter in a way he hasn't felt in ages.

He's said... all of that, it's out there in the world and he can't take it back even if he wanted to. This moment now is caught precariously between remaining as they are and - something else. If he stays silent just a little longer, he won't have to risk this only thing that's made him happy in ages. Not that, holding hands and sitting like this, he thinks that will happen, but who knows! Leon is kind of dumb.

Still, he can't sit here forever. Mercifully he looks at their hands, to spare Leon the herculean task of looking him in the eye.]

Use your words, dear. [gOD]

[He doesn't have any words! He definitely doesn't have the right words! Leon panics again, ears burning as he looks away. Use his words... What is it that he wanted to say? Their hands feel like they fit together so well, and the way they sit close like this is comfortable. D's prettier than he has any right to be, the smell of the whole shop is so familiar that he could just close his eyes and enjoy that on its own...

He takes in a slow breath and looks back at D.]

Doesn't this feel like something... more? [His words aren't much better, see. Especially as soft and uncertain as they are. But now he's looking at him and feeling hopeful. Don't mess with him now. This isn't some joke, right...]

[Well. They are words. Despite the uncertainty and awkward way he says it, D curls his fingers tighter around his arm reassuringly, or something like it. This is nice- he could sit here holding Leon's hand for the rest of the evening, leaning against him like this... It's comfortable, the way it should be. Leon makes him happy, as embarrassing as that kind of is, still—

So, that question... He's still looking down, even as he can feel Leon's gaze on him.]

If you would like it to be, then... [wanna be his kept man now??]

[That's it, this is the end of him. D shouldn't be able to look the way he does now, certainly not while he's turned away and leading him on without any real commitment. The equivalent of "sure, if you want?" He can't handle this.]

H-hang on a sec! [He doesn't jolt them up, thankfully, but his free hand does move over like he wants to turn D's face towards him. Instead, it hovers awkwardly.]

Isn't it obvious? Of course I... [DAMN IT] I want to know what you want!

[Oh— oh, okay, he's suddenly being jerked out of the sort of nervous calm (if there really is such a thing) that had held the room moments ago. What was wrong with what he said?? He sees Leon's hand and looks up at him himself, so no grabbing has to go on here.

Looking at Leon the moment he says of course is a mistake. His heart definitely can't take this. He's squeezing Leon's arm now—] You, for heaven's sake.

[cOME ON]

[It's the answer everything in his heart hopes for, but not the one he expects. Somehow, he's maintained this level of obliviousness. He's been this dense, for this long. His eyes blink wider in surprise, his hand moves to touch fingertips to D's cheek and he's stuck after that. Again, he's stuck.]

Me?

[He's so clueless, and he looks it. With all of this out in the open, he couldn't deny it any longer. He really had fallen for D's charms. It doesn't even matter how long ago.]

I thought... [No, wait, maybe he shouldn't finish that sentence. Actually, maybe he should do something at all, other than sit there and stare in embarrassed amazement at this confession. Is it even a confession if he practically had to shake D to get a solid answer out of him?]

[Is he honestly asking that... Honestly. D blinks at him, brow furrowed slightly, he's honestly not sure if Leon can be this dense and still remember he has to breathe regularly— If not for the barely-there touch to his cheek, he would think Leon has just gone catatonic all of a sudden.

Leon is just staring, and D is just looking back at him, waiting... Is he going to finish his sentence? No?]

Who else could it possibly be?

[Slowly, he shifts to face D more on the couch. This means that unfortunately they have to stop leaning on one another, but at the very least he can put his hands on D's shoulders.]

...I thought I was imagining things.

[His own feelings, specifically. Any little sparks of them he'd shoved away, but—] Beyond that, how was I supposed to know you felt the same! Give me something solid next time instead of that bullshit about holding hands!

[Imagine if this had lasted a week? A week of handholding and not understanding?? HE'D DIE. He's so red, he has to look down and away.]

Damn it, D, I just thought you were messing with me!

[Oh, he's moving- thanks for holding him up like this, or the sheer weight of Leon's bumbling idiocy would lead to his total collapse. As it stands, he still looks very much like he can't believe Leon didn't notice. He's been thinking he was going too far! What should he have done, crawled into his lap? Honestly.]

What— [WHAT kind of MORON] You are a complete idiot. Even my father could tell!

[Like, damn... damn. He takes a breath and looks down again, covering his face with his now free hands. Please, spare him...]

Absolutely ridiculous... [Now he'll look up again, though.] Leon, look at me.

Wait, really?!

[HIS FATHER KNEW?? HOW... He's going to fall over from all of this overwhelming information. But he's feeling lightheaded for another reason, he thinks. The fact that they're at some sort of an agreement, despite the arguing, must mean something. If he could get past the awkwardness of it all, get past his feelings of D versus what he'd been telling himself aloud about D all along... then maybe he could do something.

He hears his name and snaps out of his brief daze, blinking back at D. His hands don't leave his shoulders, but his arms do slacken a bit in his defeat. This all could have been addressed sooner, if he just noticed...]

What?

[Father was weirdly perceptive for a total psychopath...

This has not been the smoothest confession in the world. Even Leon admitting he has feelings period was kind of tucked in there like maybe no one would notice, and now he looks so upset by not realizing... D hesitates before lifting his hands again to hold Leon's face this time and just look at him.

He now has the opportunity to do that, so he'll take it. Give him a moment.]

Tell me how you feel. [do it... it's only fair] I would like to hear you say it.

[It's a fair request, but it still feels like the air has been sucked right out of him. He's flustered, embarrassed and left to deal with something he's been in denial over for far too long. That would be difficult normally, in any condition, but with D holding his face like this, he can only look right back at him.

His own hands drop away from D's shoulders as he tries to search for the right words to both express how he feels and not dig him deeper into this hole of utter embarrassment.

How he feels... How he feels!! Just say it, Leon, the hard part is over! D just admitted something himself!]

I want to be with you! [That's what gets blurted out first, his hands moving up suddenly to cover D's. Emotion's getting the best of him, but for once, that may be just fine. How else would he manage to yell these embarrassing things?] I started looking forward to coming over to the pet shop. Spending time with you, or when Chris was around, and even all the animals...

[He's saying more than he has to here. Gross. At the same time, he's still not saying enough, he thinks. But he's barely registering all of this at once. Give him time.]

I want that back. I want to make up for whatever the hell I missed! And... [Ah, his heated energy is dying out as his eyes slide down and to the side.] I don't know how else to say this. I guess I want to be closer to you.

[Everything Leon says is honestly more than D is expecting, somehow. He thinks maybe he'll just blurt out something blunt and to the point, and that would be just fine— once he hears I want to be with you, he really doesn't need to hear anything else. So forgive him for looking surprised after that, when Leon goes on...

It aches in an old way to have those memories touched on again—the shop in LA, the three of them having time together... His leaving would have become an inevitably anyway, after that FBI agent arrived, but it could have been different. If it hadn't been for that girl, making him realize he hardly understands the very thing they're trying to do now—

Does he understand it now? Barely. Perhaps it is enough, just to feel...

Ah. But what does he say, other than just "yes"??] Oh— quite.

[quite??? bury him]

That is... what I want, as well. [yea, this is good.]

[...Slowly, his fingers curl around D's hands and he pulls them away from his face, moving them down between them.]

I pour my heart out and all you say is "quite?"

[And that other stuff, but still... This isn't the movie-like scene he pictured it would be at all. Then again, he normally pictured a hot girl, too... Like that was ever going to happen. It's fine. He's not even thinking of the implication of what other people he could like, because all that he cares about right now is D.

He guesses he gave in to that when he decided to chase him across the world.]

Then... I guess that's what this is, huh?

I have never done this before.

[It's not much of an excuse, but it is one. How is he supposed to do this at all, let alone with manners? His hands are held between them and that's nice but it's not enough. He had no expectations, unlike Leon - expectations are not a thing his family believes in. With nothing to compare this to, it's as confusing as it is exciting, and all of it brand new.

He shifts to face Leon more completely, one hand slipping loose from being held and sliding up Leon's arm, to hold on just past his wrist. D leans in slightly, eyes searching his face before meeting his gaze again. What is this, specifically...?]

Was that your whole heart? That is what I want.

[But not creepy, like it sounds. Maybe a little creepy.]

[How many times will blushy face be used, now. The leaning in makes him nervous, even if it's not in a bad way, and accompanied by serious words like that... Of course he gets flustered.]

N-never? Not even once? [No way... Then all of those times before were just weird coincidences? He isn't sure why he thought D was a little more experienced than this, but is he actually clueless?]

Uh, my whole heart? Yeah, I think... What else is there to say? [Ummm, ummm!! He's not smooth at all, but he squeezes D's hand.] I like you a lot.

[??? Is his whole heart in D's palm yet because it sure feels like it has been for months now, at least.]

[Raises eyebrow... yes lots of people want to straight up marry him, and one time he nearly banged a goat man, but feelings? And talking about them? He's barely hanging on, here. Not even once!!

Leon's bumbling answer is so genuine, it's honestly ridiculous. He was so much more confident in why he should be allowed to put his shoes on the couch, and yet - well. He's cute, that's all. He's cute and he likes D a lot, which sounds silly at best for a grown man to say. Even D knows that.]

Goodness, do you? [D...] How fortuitous. I like you a lot, myself.

[He has literally no right to rib Leon like this when he's a dumb child himself, but he's doing it!!]

Hey, shut up.

[Now he's pouting about it. See what you've done, D? Leon lightly pushes at D's shoulder, clearly not meant to actually push him away. It's playful, like instead of doing anything actually bold or daring like a kiss, or a hug, he'll manage physical contact in this way. The same way he always has.]

I don't see you saying something as straightforward as that! [He's BETTER AT THIS...] Don't make me regret saying anything.

[He won't regret it at all, but he can grumble grumpily all he wants.]

[This was the goal all along... Pouting Leon is top tier, gold star. D is just weird?? He doesn't even get bothered about that push, not quite laughing at him but close... This gets much easier when Leon is even more out of his depth??

But yes, yes, Leon is so experienced and seductive. He's the real adult here.]

"Straightforward" to you must mean something incredibly different. You have the subtlety of a sledgehammer. [He puts his free hand on Leon's knee, this time. Speaking of subtlety and lack thereof.] Hmm, what shall I say...?

[He leans in a little more...] Why, you've captured my heart so completely, I would like nothing more than... [a little. more!!] ...your filthy shoes all over my furniture?

[are you feeling it now mr. detective]

...Mm, but still— you have.

[Oh. Hand, on his knee... Leon's still focused on literally staring at this when D leans closer and he's forced to face him, instead. He leans back a little bit with it, not to get away so much as to keep his eyes on D's face. He's so experienced and seductive and lost when it comes to this.

That line!! He's already flustered, so at least his face can't heat up any more than that. But how is that line any less weird than him saying he likes him a lot!]

Oh. [Like, he's half expecting this to be some weird love potion side arc, somebody pinch him—] So you won't get mad if I try to kiss you?

[He's honestly so stupid...]

gay levels rising

deliver me

this is how I die

collapses

me screaming into the distance

spirals into hell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WKN0XF8-3Q

hallelujah but also goodbye

FUCK I HATE THEM

me leaving this earth

ascends

loud sighing for ten yrs

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