teaism | pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

[Compared to this, the talking furniture from ages ago seemed almost pleasant. The door clicks shut behind them, and Guren almost wants to drop down right here. It's the first building they've come across in a while now— some sort of cabin in the woods that's falling apart just like the rest of the town they'd started in. Guren was bleeding from a variety of areas— a number of spots on his torso, his head, his face, his thigh— and that doesn't even start on the broken bones he's sporting, but he had a demon to take care of those injuries.

The man he was trying to support next to him was a different story. Hadn't they said something about not wanting to test if he could die and come back...?]

Look at me, Dex. [Guren wasn't trying to hide his worry now. He'd arrived too late, or at least that's his perspective. He shows up and something is nearly finished toying with Dextera like he's some sort of doll— something grey, with wings. Guren couldn't grasp what was happening, but interrupting had shown him that he was nearly outmatched. Nearly. With some biting words, he'd slain the creature(?) just before he was about to be offed himself. It was risky, to say the least.

But they're indoors now. Indoors, and there have to be supplies they can make use of somewhere. He staggers his next step forward as he tries to lead Dextera in, coughing blood against the back of his own hand. He's noticing that even his own injuries are staying longer than usual, somehow...]

Damn it...

[But he needs to know how Dextera is doing. How much can he handle? Guren doesn't want to find out his limit right now. One hand grips at Dextera's shoulder. They've been supporting each other the whole walk here, and he's trying not to weigh him down. His other hand, though the back of it is bloody now, rests against Dextera's chest carefully.] Sit down here.

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[Those words after the strike that has him gasping in pain are all he needs. This is crazy, it's wild, but they both need it, somehow. Guren has caught on by now that the spring is encouraging this, but as long as it doesn't encourage them to death, then it's fine.

His eyes light up, and he reaches for the wrist holding the rock, twisting it back in such a painful way that he means to make Dextera drop it. He's on top of Dextera, really, and he's about to be even more so. His free hand presses flat to Dextera's chest and shoves, pinning him back, watching his face disappear into the hot water enough that his eyes are covered, his nostrils are, too— and his mouth leans down to seal the deal, that harsh kiss stealing any chance at breathing that Dextera has left.

He's on top of it, yanking him back out if he chokes, when he seems to be unable to take more, letting him catch his breath long enough and pushing him back down. He's bleeding everywhere, himself, and his hand is trembling for it, but it feels too good. Dextera really could hurt him. His body really was still human.

All this time, of course, he's getting a lot more focused on what his body wants sexually, as well. He's aroused, there's been no mistaking that, and he wants some relief in more than just tension and pain. His hips continue to rock down, grinding against him, gasping Dextera's name against him as he goes. He wants the push back. He wants to see the desperation, and feel Dextera struggle to stay above it all.]

[ it hurts, when guren twists his wrist like that—of course he drops the rock, and it sinks to the bottom before he can even think of rescuing it. he doesn’t have long to consider it anyway, before he’s being pushed under with it, panic filling his lungs more than air.

but it’s so good, to be scared. every time guren pulls him back up and lets him take just enough of a breath to live, it feels like ecstasy coursing through his body. he knows why, he knows that the deprivation of air, of oxygen, induces hypoxia, rushing dopamine and all those nice endorphins into the brain—as if he’s thinking about it in those terms, though. all he knows is that he’s a little terrified and it feels exquisite, when he also trusts guren not to let anything happen to him.

he can let go completely, forgetting about all the fear or pain or sin he’s ever known, and focus on this moment. he reaches desperately for guren’s shoulders, that push back that guren is looking for, his nails scrabbling against skin. guren can most certainly feel his arousal every time he grinds down, even though dextera is kicking a little too—his body helpless like that, when deprived of air.

it’s impossible not to be close, with this kind of stimulation. the next time guren pulls him up for a breath, dextera looks completely lost in his bliss, digging into guren’s flesh enough to get him to bleed there, too.

he can’t say anything, but there’s a tension in his body that says he wants it just—just one more time. ]

[ One more time. He can tell, he can feel it, and he’s close himself, the biting sting of new marks making him want more. He’s hurting enough now, he’s bled so much that he’s just a little dizzy, and as he pushes Dextera beneath the water again, his eyes try to find his in the middle of the flailing. His other hand keeps him pinned, his body weight makes those kicks useless.

His mouth covers Dextera’s again and he groans into it. Another grind, another focus on the sensation so built up that he can’t believe it. Finally, he pulls Dextera back out of the water again, and brings his other trembling hand to stroke them together.

He’s so close, too. Just a few strokes like that and he releases into the water, but he’s sure to keep his hand going until they both get to that peak, until a few strokes after. ]

[ dextera comes quietly, with little more than a shudder and a gasp that's more for breath than pleasure, but it's a force that surprises him, the dizzying deprivation of oxygen causing him to reach a peak he's never known before. he can say that with confidence, even without memories—this is something beyond anything his body has experienced.

that body of his gives up a little, too, when he comes. he feels floaty, out of the physical reality of the moment, and if guren weren't keeping a hold on him he'd probably just fall back and drown in the water anyway. or maybe not, with how utterly satiated he is, how near-motionless and calm he feels in the aftermath. his vision is white, his ears are ringing, and his gaze is unfocused like he might be on the border of death all over again, but it's good.

it's all good. trying to catch his breath feels good, too, as he finally fills his lungs with what they need. ]

[ Guren needs a few minutes just to get a hold of himself. That undying need for more blood, more violence, more power over something weaker than him fades, and he determines this isn’t as simple as chemicals in the water encouraging them. That’s good, because it means he doesn’t have to rush out of the hot springs with Dex before they do kill each other.

Blood is staining the water. He breathes harshly, but he knows what he wants immediately, and he reaches for Dextera, pulling him up, slipping back off of him so that he’s no longer on top of him but beside him. It’s all in his chest, this pain that’s dull and throbbing by now, so he can be the support. He can pull him to rest against him... even if it is messy that way.

As much as pleasure is still making its way through the both of them, he has the feeling that he should apologize, that he went too far— but Dextera’s expression doesn’t seem that way. So, he just holds him, focusing on his breathing, trying to ignore how dizzy he is from actual blood loss. ]

[ dextera will apologize, inevitably, even if there was a brief discussion that they both wanted this. he worried enough about guren cutting his hand... now he's got two big gashes across his chest that dextera caused. but for now, he's still reeling from his orgasm, from the euphoria, and so he rests against guren as soon as he's got the chance.

the blood... it's not quite as exciting to look at, but it's not scary to see either, in the afterglow. he traces his fingers across guren's chest, wiping some of it away only for the shallow wound to make more. it's not deep, just quite bloody, since the cut was long rather than hard. ]

...

[ the water feels nice, just like it did when they first got in. he closes his eyes, relaxing maybe the way they thought they would before things went this far. ]

[ Guren is leaning back against the rocks, so it’s easier to relax for the both of them. He can be a pillow, for as well as that works, and when Dextera closes his eyes, Guren moves a hand to stroke through his hair, as well. Anything to relax, to calm, to make it known that Dextera is special to him. Precious.

Mahiru pokes through in his thoughts just with a giggle, and a comment that his desire is wonderful. He kind of wishes he didn’t hear it, since it only makes him feel worse, but thankfully his own pleasure and the relaxed way Dextera is acting helps soothe his worries. Mostly.

Maybe they can rest like this for a while. Guren won’t disturb Dextera if he falls asleep or even if they just quietly sit there for a while. ]

[ dextera is satisfied, but he's not tired enough to fall asleep.

he's just relaxing, breathing slowly and deeply until he's sure that his body is back to normal, and then he moves to kiss guren's jaw—his lip is still bleeding a little, but it's mostly just sore now. there's only a dot of blood against guren's skin, where he kisses him. there's no part of him that feels bad about what guren did to him; he just wonders how they're going to talk about this? if they're going to talk about this. they should, maybe, if only in some abstract terms about being careful about the hot springs they slip into next time.

he is content to sit in silence for a while, the water keeping him nice and warm even in the nude like this, but he finally wants to make his voice known. just briefly. luckily for guren, he sounds perfectly normal—maybe a little languid, but that's just the effect of hot water. ]

Guren.

Hmm?

[ They should talk about this, or it’ll be an unnecessary weight on Guren’s shoulders that he doesn’t need along with everything else. He’s still human, but he’s not, and he’s very aware of that. Dextera gets enough of this on his own, but Guren wanted it...? Has he upset him by making him cut at his chest, too?

He’s just completely new to all of this, and he feels kind of like a sick freak. Maybe that’s okay, too...

He brushes fingers through Dextera’s hair again, looking down to him where he’s resting. ] You want to get out?

...does it hurt?

[ that's all he wants to know. he's sure it does hurt, actually, but he's more interested in the way guren will respond to that question—he thinks that will say more about what's on his mind, rather than asking directly, or getting a completely honest yes or no.

he wanted to cut guren. that's a little frightening, but it's not the strangest thing he's ever done. dextera is prone to violence, even if he's sure that hasn't always been true. the neuro tower changed him, and this is the person that he is now—he can't be that upset when he doesn't really remember.

he just wants to know that it's okay, for him to have done this. for the two of them to have done any of this. ]

...nah. It doesn’t hurt a bit.

[ A lie, because he’ll always lie about things like that. It hurts, but it’s nothing bad anyway. His fingers move from Dextera’s hair to trace at his neck, gentle and completely different from earlier. ]

Sometimes, I want to hurt. [ A full up admission like this... but it’s not embarrassing like he thought it would be. He’s sure Dextera understands, after all. ] It’s nice to be reminded that I’m still clinging to my humanity. You don’t regret it, do you?

[ It was all okay, and all he’s worried about is that Dex knows that right now. ]

I don’t regret it.

[ dextera puts that out there before anything else, though he finds himself closing his eyes against guren’s admission to, sometimes, wanting to hurt. there are plenty of people like that he knows. alice, too, said that she was happy to be suffer, as long as it was by dextera’s hand.

he understands. pain is important. it’s critical, in fact, for the world to continue—and on a smaller scale, maybe it’s good to remember one’s humanity, too. ]

Everything we did... [ he pauses, his decency creeping up on him now. ] I liked it. I know that’s strange, but...

[ hurting guren, being hurt, tasting blood and nearly suffocating—it was exciting, and still is, reflecting on it. his stomach twists in the ghost of arousal. ]

It is strange. [He says that first, because he thinks it's important that they both remember that. It's certainly nothing normal to crave pain, causing it or feeling it, and they were both pushing that to the line.]

But I liked it, too. [But in a case like this, even he can admit it bluntly. He doesn't want Dextera thinking he didn't, after all.] We can do something like that again... but we have to set hard limits.

[He thought this through in like the ten minutes of resting here, apparently.] So neither of us gets carried away.

[ dextera most certainly does not want to get carried away. he would rather not do it at all if he thought there was any danger of that, but it seems like guren has it all under control with the way he approaches the topic now. ]

All right.

[ he nuzzles guren’s collarbone, still relaxed, but now trying not to feel nervous—inevitably, it’s like being scolded!! even if those limits are just not to kill each other. ]

I didn’t mind what you did—before. [ more than didn’t mind it! he loved it. ] Not being able to breathe.

[Guren doesn't want to admit that he got so excited his personality shifted. He's never even admitted the personality issue to begin with. Possession sounds much different, less worrying, than the idea of the demon bringing out his desires so much and then causing them to blend closer and closer to one. This isn't something he'd choose to share with even his closest person like this.

Not by choice, anyway. He brings a hand to the side of Dextera's face, touching fondly, lovingly, treasuring it.]

Oh? [Of course he liked it, he could see it all over his pleasured face. But he won't wreck him by saying that, exactly.] I wasn't too scary?

No, you weren’t.

[ if it were anyone else, maybe he would have been terrified of it. he couldn’t breathe, after all, and the limited fight in him was easily overpowered by guren’s superior physical strength. but it’s guren. even if he’s not aware of guren’s personality issues here... he trusts this stupid demonic tsundere with his life.

his eyes soften, and he covers guren’s hand with his own. ]

I don’t think I could ever be scared of you.

[ Wh...!! He’s totally caught off guard by that, blinking his eyes wider before they slide away. There’s a heat at his cheeks he doesn’t want to talk about, and he huffs out a breath. ]

I could kick your ass. Shut up.

[ He... should be scared, probably, but it’s true that Guren’s largest desire is to keep his friends safe. “Friends.” He moves, so that he doesn’t sit there obviously flustered, and uses some of that strength to lift Dextera with him as he stands. It’s about time to get out of the water, even if they rest and keep talking. ]

[ that breaks the tension, anyway, and dextera laughs softly as he’s moved out of the water by that great strength that held him under, as well.

he settles on the edge of the hot springs now, and the steam and the heat of the water keeps him from feeling too cold—even naked and wet as he is. he’s happy, warm to the bone with affection. ]

You could. [ he pauses. ] But you wouldn’t.

[ not on purpose, anyway—not with any of the malice that would have made him afraid of what they did. ]

[ Mm... he’s right. Of course he’s right, and so Guren doesn’t say a thing. He simply glances to the side as he sits next to him, as close as possible, and reaches to take his hand again.

He’s having so many feelings again. Fond, warm ones. Ones that make him look at Dextera different and reach for him, lips finally brushing softly against the broken part of Dextera’s. ] ...I’m glad I wasn’t too much.

[ He squeezes his hand. ]

[ dextera kisses back, so softly, and he finds himself following through a few more of them—kissing the corner of guren’s mouth, his chin, his jaw. ]

You weren’t. I hope I wasn’t either.

[ those hard limits that they’ll need to discuss... they don’t have to make themselves talk about it right now. all that matters is that they have each other. ]

I— [ ugh!! now he’s shy. ] I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. Even these strange feelings.

You weren’t.

[ Back to these sweet kisses, huh? He loves that. He loves them, and his hand moves up to brush some hair from Dextera’s face. To tell him anything... That’s a lot, for a guy as secretive as he can be, but he does feel like he’s getting there. ]

Haha, don’t blame my being quiet on yourself. [ Dextera does everything so nice, so supportive? He shouldn’t feel embarrassed or too worried. He’s just like that. ] I’ll tell you more. So you, too, alright?

[ unload the secrets, guren... unburden yourself... dextera doesn't actually expect too much, though, considering it's guren. he just wants to make sure it's out there. ]

...I will. [ and then, a pause. ] I guess all of that wasn't normal for a hot spring.

[ a subtle way of changing the subject while still keeping it relevant! he's never experienced one before, but he has the strangest inclination that people don't normally go right for sex after slipping into those nice healing waters. ]

[He laughs at that. He bled all over the water, their blood was mixing in his mouth, and Dextera was near drowning? But even regular sex in a hot spring is scandalous. It's kind of funny, realizing that they're just sitting naked over here after doing something so sinful. He likes it.]

No. Normally, you just sit there and soak. [He moves a hand to his own chest, drawing fingers over the wounds that have stopped bleeding even if they are pretty fresh.]

But I feel relaxed after all of that. Don't you?

I really do.

[ dextera surprises himself with how much he means it, actually. his heart rate has slowed back to normal—normal for other people, actually, which is strange for him who is so often in a state of twitching panic. ]

I think it would be nice to do it either way, though. Soaking... [ he looks at guren’s chest again, more confident now than he was that he’ll be just fine. ] Maybe next time.

It would be. [Hmm, look at this cute Dextera... He's watching him fondly, suddenly overcome with the feeling that he's glad they met. That he's glad they got to know each other, and did everything that they've done. He's full sap mode, and for once, it's all over his face.]

Next time, then. It's a date. [His first comment even remotely close to addressing all of this. Again, as his hand parts from his chest, it seeks out one of Dextera's to hold.]

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