teaism | 90s sadness and gay???

[Oh. That's deep and poetic, and actually Leon thinks he understands it. The words set in for a moment, and then he moves his free hand without thinking, brushing fingers lightly through D's hair to see his face a bit better.]

And are you? Comfortable.

[Oh— D blinks, gaze flicking up towards Leon's face without lifting his head. That's a light touch but he's focused on it, now. His stomach twists in a distinctly uncomfortable way, but...]

Yes. ...I was not, before. [Before what?? Up for interpretation.]

[It's strange that his heart skips at every little thing. That look, those words— Leon doesn't pull that hand away even when it stills.]

Before? [The last bit of D's hair slips away from his fingers and now his hand just rests against his own arm, waiting. He doesn't know what he's waiting for, with that question...]

[He's being called out... He supposes he invited this, but it still takes him a moment of quiet thought first before he answers.]

Alone. [There, that's subtly gay... He'll live with it.]

[It's what he wanted to hear, but it's still pretty sad, too. He finds that he doesn't want to think of D when he was alone and running. It doesn't matter now, after all. Not when he's caught up to him. His held hand curls a little more, and the other brushes a few more strands of hair along the side of D's face before he puts it back in his lap.

His expression is soft and thoughtful, but his chest tightens as he thinks about how he'd like to be closer still. Damn it... He was won over completely.]

...Yeah. It's the same with me.

["Crap, I'm totally falling for his charms" - Leon, 1995 and also right now in year X

If Leon keeps touching him like that, he might honestly collapse. Each touch makes his heart jump at the same time those words make him feel like the floor has dropped out beneath him entirely. Every time Leon says something like that, edging closer but not quite, D knows what it is to be happy and still want and want at once.

It's tiring. He looks at the drink he's still holding because it's easier. He sighs, lightly.]

You put me on the spot. [rude....] I told you as much hours ago.

[Maybe it's a little cruel to put him on the spot, like he's saying, but it's killing him here, too. These touches still aren't enough, but if he does any more, he's worried D will pull away.]

Maybe I just like hearing it again. [Look, he's being so daring.]

[That is really daring, goodness. Should he say it one more time? Or something else? He's still holding this damn glass, but getting it out of the way would require moving away from here. Ah.]

I did miss you. Terribly, if you must know.

[Can he just toss that glass across the room now, he's placed his aside, clearly...

His chest hurts again. Those words— they're not teasing, are they? It sounds too genuine to be poking fun at him. There isn't that mocking smile, either. He's just honestly repeating it again for him to hear. He thinks he's stopped breathing.]

Hearing that from you... [His voice is a little weak, too, so he has to clear his throat as he looks down at their joined hands.] It feels like I'm dreaming.

[Ugh!! Don't look at him.]

[It feels like what? That's too much for him to listen to— it isn't more mumbled agreements with what he's saying, it's actually...

His heart must have stopped, surely. Leon actually managed to say that, and seriously? That was serious— How can he respond to this without fumbling every word?]

You aren't. [Helpful reminder. Here, just take his cup and get rid of it for him, he's holding it out.] I could say it once more.

[He takes the glass because he doesn't know what else to do with his hand, and it's being offered to him. He doesn't bother looking to where he sets the cup down, but he manages with his long limbs to set it down somewhere and not have it crash over.

That offer...

It's hard to breathe, his chest hurts, and that offer sounds more appealing than it should. The air feels tense when it's like this. He spoke seriously because he's not getting rid of this serious feeling. He wants to look away in embarrassment, but he can't bring himself to.]

Maybe... one more time.

[Goodbye, glass. D draws his hand back then but not all the way to himself, hovering a moment before placing it lightly on Leon's arm between them. To say it again... well, it would be a bit lackluster to say the exact same words again, wouldn't it? So...]

I missed you. Without you, I was... lonely. Now that you're here, I do not think I will let you leave. [Evening crazy reminder...] You are the only one to make me feel this way.

[ssssoooooo]

[This is a different kind of murder D's committing in front of him. That touch sends a shiver through him he has to try to ignore, and each word that falls out hits him with a twisting, heavy feeling in his gut. Heat rises to his face and ears, but he doesn't know if it shows. He's too busy thinking to worry about it.

Those words mean so much, no matter how many times he says it.]

D, do you... [Words are more difficult than they have any right to be. He smooths his thumb a little over the hand he's holding, his eyes moving back and forth between their hands and D's face that's so close.] I mean, uh, is this—

[Gulp... what does he do?? Save him, he's frozen and he's only going to turn more pink by the second.]

[This is it, this is the dorky reaction he lives for. It could stand to be less dorky, but something about Leon stuttering makes his chest feel lighter in a way he hasn't felt in ages.

He's said... all of that, it's out there in the world and he can't take it back even if he wanted to. This moment now is caught precariously between remaining as they are and - something else. If he stays silent just a little longer, he won't have to risk this only thing that's made him happy in ages. Not that, holding hands and sitting like this, he thinks that will happen, but who knows! Leon is kind of dumb.

Still, he can't sit here forever. Mercifully he looks at their hands, to spare Leon the herculean task of looking him in the eye.]

Use your words, dear. [gOD]

[He doesn't have any words! He definitely doesn't have the right words! Leon panics again, ears burning as he looks away. Use his words... What is it that he wanted to say? Their hands feel like they fit together so well, and the way they sit close like this is comfortable. D's prettier than he has any right to be, the smell of the whole shop is so familiar that he could just close his eyes and enjoy that on its own...

He takes in a slow breath and looks back at D.]

Doesn't this feel like something... more? [His words aren't much better, see. Especially as soft and uncertain as they are. But now he's looking at him and feeling hopeful. Don't mess with him now. This isn't some joke, right...]

[Well. They are words. Despite the uncertainty and awkward way he says it, D curls his fingers tighter around his arm reassuringly, or something like it. This is nice- he could sit here holding Leon's hand for the rest of the evening, leaning against him like this... It's comfortable, the way it should be. Leon makes him happy, as embarrassing as that kind of is, still—

So, that question... He's still looking down, even as he can feel Leon's gaze on him.]

If you would like it to be, then... [wanna be his kept man now??]

[That's it, this is the end of him. D shouldn't be able to look the way he does now, certainly not while he's turned away and leading him on without any real commitment. The equivalent of "sure, if you want?" He can't handle this.]

H-hang on a sec! [He doesn't jolt them up, thankfully, but his free hand does move over like he wants to turn D's face towards him. Instead, it hovers awkwardly.]

Isn't it obvious? Of course I... [DAMN IT] I want to know what you want!

[Oh— oh, okay, he's suddenly being jerked out of the sort of nervous calm (if there really is such a thing) that had held the room moments ago. What was wrong with what he said?? He sees Leon's hand and looks up at him himself, so no grabbing has to go on here.

Looking at Leon the moment he says of course is a mistake. His heart definitely can't take this. He's squeezing Leon's arm now—] You, for heaven's sake.

[cOME ON]

[It's the answer everything in his heart hopes for, but not the one he expects. Somehow, he's maintained this level of obliviousness. He's been this dense, for this long. His eyes blink wider in surprise, his hand moves to touch fingertips to D's cheek and he's stuck after that. Again, he's stuck.]

Me?

[He's so clueless, and he looks it. With all of this out in the open, he couldn't deny it any longer. He really had fallen for D's charms. It doesn't even matter how long ago.]

I thought... [No, wait, maybe he shouldn't finish that sentence. Actually, maybe he should do something at all, other than sit there and stare in embarrassed amazement at this confession. Is it even a confession if he practically had to shake D to get a solid answer out of him?]

[Is he honestly asking that... Honestly. D blinks at him, brow furrowed slightly, he's honestly not sure if Leon can be this dense and still remember he has to breathe regularly— If not for the barely-there touch to his cheek, he would think Leon has just gone catatonic all of a sudden.

Leon is just staring, and D is just looking back at him, waiting... Is he going to finish his sentence? No?]

Who else could it possibly be?

[Slowly, he shifts to face D more on the couch. This means that unfortunately they have to stop leaning on one another, but at the very least he can put his hands on D's shoulders.]

...I thought I was imagining things.

[His own feelings, specifically. Any little sparks of them he'd shoved away, but—] Beyond that, how was I supposed to know you felt the same! Give me something solid next time instead of that bullshit about holding hands!

[Imagine if this had lasted a week? A week of handholding and not understanding?? HE'D DIE. He's so red, he has to look down and away.]

Damn it, D, I just thought you were messing with me!

[Oh, he's moving- thanks for holding him up like this, or the sheer weight of Leon's bumbling idiocy would lead to his total collapse. As it stands, he still looks very much like he can't believe Leon didn't notice. He's been thinking he was going too far! What should he have done, crawled into his lap? Honestly.]

What— [WHAT kind of MORON] You are a complete idiot. Even my father could tell!

[Like, damn... damn. He takes a breath and looks down again, covering his face with his now free hands. Please, spare him...]

Absolutely ridiculous... [Now he'll look up again, though.] Leon, look at me.

Wait, really?!

[HIS FATHER KNEW?? HOW... He's going to fall over from all of this overwhelming information. But he's feeling lightheaded for another reason, he thinks. The fact that they're at some sort of an agreement, despite the arguing, must mean something. If he could get past the awkwardness of it all, get past his feelings of D versus what he'd been telling himself aloud about D all along... then maybe he could do something.

He hears his name and snaps out of his brief daze, blinking back at D. His hands don't leave his shoulders, but his arms do slacken a bit in his defeat. This all could have been addressed sooner, if he just noticed...]

What?

[Father was weirdly perceptive for a total psychopath...

This has not been the smoothest confession in the world. Even Leon admitting he has feelings period was kind of tucked in there like maybe no one would notice, and now he looks so upset by not realizing... D hesitates before lifting his hands again to hold Leon's face this time and just look at him.

He now has the opportunity to do that, so he'll take it. Give him a moment.]

Tell me how you feel. [do it... it's only fair] I would like to hear you say it.

[It's a fair request, but it still feels like the air has been sucked right out of him. He's flustered, embarrassed and left to deal with something he's been in denial over for far too long. That would be difficult normally, in any condition, but with D holding his face like this, he can only look right back at him.

His own hands drop away from D's shoulders as he tries to search for the right words to both express how he feels and not dig him deeper into this hole of utter embarrassment.

How he feels... How he feels!! Just say it, Leon, the hard part is over! D just admitted something himself!]

I want to be with you! [That's what gets blurted out first, his hands moving up suddenly to cover D's. Emotion's getting the best of him, but for once, that may be just fine. How else would he manage to yell these embarrassing things?] I started looking forward to coming over to the pet shop. Spending time with you, or when Chris was around, and even all the animals...

[He's saying more than he has to here. Gross. At the same time, he's still not saying enough, he thinks. But he's barely registering all of this at once. Give him time.]

I want that back. I want to make up for whatever the hell I missed! And... [Ah, his heated energy is dying out as his eyes slide down and to the side.] I don't know how else to say this. I guess I want to be closer to you.

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gay levels rising

deliver me

this is how I die

collapses

me screaming into the distance

spirals into hell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WKN0XF8-3Q

hallelujah but also goodbye

FUCK I HATE THEM

me leaving this earth

ascends

loud sighing for ten yrs

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