90s sadness and gay???

[dtective]

[By this point, Leon has lost track of how long he's been searching for Count D. It became an obsession that only grew with time, and now he couldn't keep to one spot anymore. Not while D was still out there. Across cities, across countries, he probably looked insane to everyone around him. But they didn't know the half of it! Sometimes even Leon wasn't sure he understood what he was doing.

Right now wasn't the time to doubt himself, though. He'd hoped that this lead would get him even an inch closer to his goal, but he hadn't counted on spotting him in the streets. It had to be him. He'd seen him turn and look at him, and those eyes—]

Wait! Stop right there!

[He doesn't hold back, shoving his way through the crowded streets and keeping his eyes locked on him. It doesn't work, because of course it doesn't, and his steps slow in his confusion. His heart is beating way too fast, his stomach sinks, and for a moment he's sure he's lost his one chance.

But something catches the corner of his eye, and his instinct tells him to turn. He reaches out, grabbing the first wrist he can and meeting D's eyes with his own.]

...Found you.

Comments

[dtective]

Every time I try to ask questions, I make everything worse!

[That just sort of blurts out. But... it feels forced! Not that games like this aren't. He wants an easy route to turning things naturally back to where they had been before. So that maybe they could have gone into weird hand holding then, and moved on without as much arguing or chasing or worries.

He sighs and drinks more from his cup.]

[pruning]

[Ah... well now he's looking down at his drink instead of at Leon. Hmm. That's...]

You ask odd questions, sometimes.

[That's all he's got... He'd like them to be closer, he thinks. No, he would, of course he would, but opening up is so impossible so much of the time.]

I have not been very cooperative, besides... [ssssip]

[dtective]

...I know. With all of the crap that's going on, how could I ask normal questions?

[He's odd, sure... And D's not cooperative all the time, but Leon falls silent at that. At least for a minute, he does. He leans forward, setting the cup down and tracing his finger around the rim with a sigh.]

I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. It feels like you're driving me crazy. I'm not mad or anything, I just... [Another sigh.] I don't know, D. Everything's changed since I met you.

[How's this for asking questions, spilling his guts out again... Hand holding is nice, the little things are nice, but between language learning and being useless, he can't take another thing not solving itself sooner.]

[pruning]

[Yes, most of that isn't questions, that's fine... He supposes that's fine. Once again, however, he finds himself unable to think of what he should say. It's not like he doesn't understand this feeling - he does and that makes it even harder to say something. If they could handle themselves like adults, without playing games or resisting each other at every turn, perhaps—

Well, perhaps they would still be in LA, for a start. The shop itself has stayed the same, but that's the only thing. And even now, he wants to withdraw away from this, keep it all at arm's length and his feelings to only himself. It would be easier, in the end.]

Selfishly, I left you behind. And now selfishly again, I would like to understand.

[Hmm... that works.]

I told you it was a comfort to have you near. [He says, TO THE WALL] Do you not feel the same?

[dtective]

...I do feel the same.

[He looks over at D at this. Maybe, again, he should do and say whatever the hell he wants and stop worrying about it. Maybe that's what he's been telling D to do all along and he should just do the same.]

But it feels like it's more than that. A comfort sounds like a luxury. But when you left, I didn't know what to do. Nothing mattered but finding the answers around you and catching up to you. They said it was out of my jurisdiction, and I just...

[More heavy feelings... why this. He puts a hand up to his head.] I left my job, D.

[That doesn't sound like normal comfort, does it?]

[pruning]

[No, it sounds a little crazy, but who is he to judge at this point. It's all he can do to stare back at Leon, blinking himself out of it long enough to lean forward and put his own drink on the table as well.]

You left much more than that. [Might as well get that out there. He's... guilty? He didn't feel that before, but this is more heartfelt than Leon just yelling at him, so here they are.] Your home, Chris...

[All for him. To hand him that picture? And whatever this is - staying.]

I am sorry if this hasn't lived up to your expectations.

[no.... this isn't feelings at all... damn it D]

[dtective]

...I don't know if I even had any expectations.

[D won't look at him too much, it seems, and so Leon takes advantage of that to watch him for a while. He thinks he's realizing now, after multiple incidents here and all of the words from his co-workers back in LA, how important D is to him. It's not like he's family necessarily, because that more feels like something he separated himself from long ago. Other than Chris, who he of course misses. This is...]

It didn't matter as long as I caught up with you. I'd figure out the rest. [He looks away now, sinking further into the couch.]

Now I just keep getting caught in these stupid thoughts. I want to touch you and make sure you're still there. ...Things like that. [He's ashamed of all of this, but at the same time, he's so tired.]

[pruning]

[They haven't figured out a thing, he thinks immediately. They've been talking in circles and dancing around the point without even acknowledging that there's a point to make, and barely anything has been resolved. D feels vulnerable again, and it frightens him more than it should. He didn't think...

He's kind of an idiot, isn't he. He's the one who asked Leon to stay, but hasn't Leon been trying to get him to do the same for much longer? It's too much to think about, again— he doesn't understand how to deal with this.

They held hands on the way home and it felt nice. It felt like the right thing to do. So. Helplessly - he hates this feeling especially - he holds out his hand once more.]

You confuse me more than anyone else ever has. It is- quite a lot to think about. I wanted to run from you as much as I wanted to see you again, and now... well.

[Don't leave him hanging...] I am still here, aren't I?

[dtective]

[He confuses him? He confuses D? He'd laugh at that if he were more in the mood for it, but he's drawn in by these words, and by the hand that's held out. Slowly, Leon reaches to take it, flicking his eyes over to meet D's.]

Yeah. [After a few seconds, he says this, letting his fingers slip into a more comfortable grip, intertwined with D's. Maybe it's too much, or maybe it's just enough, but he can feel D right beside him.]

You're still here.

[He'd done something right, he supposes. Maybe it was better to focus on that and try to be less moody... He's just... been frustrated.]

And so am I.

[It's stupid to say that, he thinks immediately after he does, but— maybe it's his way of saying he'll try to chill the fuck out now. Maybe if he can be happy about this only thing that mattered, then adapting won't be so hard.]

[pruning]

[Less moody Leon, could it be... Could the stars align and produce such an incredible thing??

There's a hand in his again, though, held more securely than before. D almost - almost!! - smiles, but there isn't any doubt that he holds Leon's hand tighter in response. An extra confirmation that he is - that both of them are still here together.

This is well beyond normal comfort. Still, to let go of this hand... he would rather not. Is that enough?]

Well, it was incredibly silly of me to wonder if you were truly intending to stay, wasn't it?

[He tries to say this lightly, like a joke... but woops, he actually has insecurities about this hot mess. woops!!!]

[dtective]

Silly...

[He repeats it in a huff, eyes focused on their hands now as he registers that squeeze.]

That's one way of putting it. You're a complete idiot. [Where else is he going to go? He chased him across the world. That should show enough of his interest...] There's nowhere else I wanna be right now.

[pruning]

[Don't insult him or he's taking his hand back!! No, he won't, but he'll smile thinly about it. Rude...]

Lovely, my kept man is still a brute with no manners.

[Not even lowkey calling him these things... hmm.]

[dtective]

[SPLUTTERS AGAIN.]

Kept man?!

[He is going to DIE... RIGHT HERE ON THIS COUCH. He's even squeezing D's hand a little too hard before he catches himself and stops, but the panic sure doesn't leave his face. He won't even defend his lack of manners or being a brute.]

[pruning]

[Ah.... he feels better already... Leon having a heart attack is the greatest pick-me-up. He still winces at the squeeze - ow?? That is brute-like behavior??]

What? Aren't you? Until you can provide for yourself, that is our arrangement...

[dtective]

You know exactly what that implies! Don't get technical on me!

[Until they are actually Doing It, he will not deal with this harassment!! Teasing... It's all unfair. He's so red in the face.]

[pruning]

[Oh, is he thinking about Doing It... share with the class... D doesn't think this is unfair at all, for the record.]

It's not as if anyone else is here to hear me say it. [calm down!!]

[dtective]

Hearing you say it myself is enough.

[He's not telling him ANYTHING about his thoughts, thank you!! His face says enough.]

[pruning]

[Peers at his face hmmmmm!!]

What would you prefer I call it, then?

[dtective]

Don't call it anything!

[STOP... Free him from this.] Just shut up and hold hands with me in peace!

[pruning]

[Doesn't stop... thinks KEPT MAN really loudly just in case.]

Goodness, that temper. Alright, please remain calm. [holding hands in peace... when will they be adult enough to cuddle??]

[dtective]

[When hell freezes over. It's a miracle that they're managing this much, honestly. Leon shoots D a glare for the temper comment, but after that, there's silence. Silence, hand holding, and eventually Leon moving to pour himself another drink. They opened it, he might as well.

This is fine social interaction. He's fine.]

[pruning]

[This is completely fine... D supposes he might as well relax now that Leon is extra tense again (oops), settling back into the couch and pulling his legs up to fold under him. Only he is allowed to put feet on his couch.

He waves his other hand at the table, lazily.] Would you grab mine?

[do things for him just because he asked!!]

[dtective]

[Leon doesn't even question it at this point. Even with one hand, he sets his own drink down to get D's, passing it over before he picks his back up. This seems normal.

What doesn't seem as normal is Count D sitting like that on the couch. Leon stares at him, judging a little.]

I thought you were against feet on the couch.

[pruning]

[Welcome to his secret careless life... just wait until he throws paper forms around the room trying to find one.

Anyway, he accepts his drink and sips it again, giving Leon a look.]

My shoes are clean.

[dtective]

So when you get me some new shoes, I'll put them all over the couch.

[He seems proud of himself for that, leaning back into the couch... and a little into D's shoulder.]