The meaning? I wonder... It was the last dance you allowed me, so it was freshest in my mind. I hadn't much time to prepare. If it offends you, I can do something else! I'm only doing my best here, as you can well and truly see for yourself.
[Eichi's not going to like any of this, Wataru knows. But he has a point to make. That no matter how hard Eichi grips things, no matter how unrelenting his grasp, he must allow autonomy, or he will fall. And he has to show Eichi where he's foundered in the past, because Wataru...
A breath. His chest tightens as he thinks about it. Wataru is to be Eichi's future, isn't he? So let him conjure up ghosts and spirits of the worst kind and kill them off with his enthusiasm. Let him slay the demons that track and would drag Eichi to Hell.]
But if you'd like me to criticize you directly, I'll gladly do so. You see, when I choreographed that dance, I knew I was going to lose. I fed everything into what you wanted, thinking you had it in yourself to be merciful if only I, in my naivete, played along. That that would be the end. You hunted me down like an animal, Eichi Tenshouin. You wounded me, and drove me into this fearful corner. What did you hope to gain? Bare your soul, as promised, and we'll continue.
[His tone rises a little, because the comments do hurt. He doesn't need to hear that he hurt him when he already knows. He asked for directness, but the type of directness it is bothers him. He's selfish like that, trying to keep himself strong to be able to move forward at all.]
It was a revolution, and you were a vital piece on the chessboard. This academy had a reputation of housing failures and lazy do-nothings who skated by on the successes of others. In order to bring hope into those that still go here, some had to be sacrificed. In order to open the doors of opportunity, I had to pry away age old rust and slam them open with my bloodied, bare hands.
[It's true that more agents are looking at signing those who graduated from the academy thanks to the commotion. More light is shed on things... but for what cost? So many were broken. Some took their own lives. Others had their reputations damaged so heavily they may never recover.]
To you who was born with natural talent, who could soar high so quickly, from such a young age... it must make no sense. But in order for me to do anything, it had to be this path. Surely even you can't deny that.
[He's upsetting himself, breathing a little shakier, even if he hides it.]
I was... jealous, I'll admit. Jealous of you, and the others. I could never stand up to your talent, and so, I knew I had to knock you down, instead. Then, I had you all crawling at my feet... my dream was achieved, no matter how ephemeral. I was able to make a difference. A sickly, no good person like me...
Do you still not understand? I'm afraid I can't help explain myself beyond that. If you hate me, then why are you speaking to me at all?
[He had to hear it in Eichi's own words. The truth. The reasons for his suffering. And why, after Eichi felled him, did he not stop? Why didn't the torment end at his downfall as an idol? Why was it made personal, with his entire reputation destroyed? He could've simply gone into retirement after graduation, had Eichi let him alone. But now he's stirred up the will to fight in Wataru. A miscalculation.]
I don't hate you. Oh, by God above do I wish I hated you, Eichi! It would make this so much easier! I wouldn't constantly be trying to win you over. I wouldn't be continually struggling to find my footing again. I wouldn't even be an idol anymore if I hated you! To hear it now, from your lips, the word "jealousy"! If only I had known that was the root of your vitriol, I would have suffered to end my own life rather than see you struggle to reach something unattainable.
[A laugh.]
Is that what you want to hear? That your torment drove me to desperation? No, that's not the Wataru Hibiki of your dreams, your fantasies. That Wataru Hibiki is human, too human for your comfort. Too real, too vulnerable. I had to be completely untouchable to fulfill your needs. You had to kill God himself, or you'd never be happy. How did that work out for you? Did you find meaning?
[He smiles broadly.]
Like a fallen angel, I became dark, obsessed with knowing why, why, why me, why this, why now? Why did I never give up? Even now, I'm so desperate to understand you that I ache. If only I could understand the Eichi Tenshouin capable of killing God, I could make him stop. I could win his heart and soothe him and take from him this desire to slaughter angels. I could heal you, I thought, with joy, with love, with Amazing! Yet you never listened when I tried. You struck me down, blow after blow, you hurt my friends, my family! Changing the school wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to change me.
[His fingers curl tight in his lap, and he sits up, leans forward just slightly like he's going to stand, eyes lit up and harsh. But he doesn't.]
...I never once wanted to change you.
[He cuts himself off from the rest, not ready to blurt the entirety of the truth. That he only wanted to know him, that he thought this was how he could do it. That he thought in order to be acknowledged, he had to continue doing this until Wataru struck back enough. That he fantasized over the idea of being struck back so hard that he'd die on Wataru's blade. Is that what this is now? He wonders.
He takes in a slow breath.]
That's enough of this. You have two more parts to get through, don't you? So let me hear you sing, then.
[His grin is almost a grimace. He's feeding off this aggression as much as he fears it, and loathes and loves his own savagery. This is the beast Eichi has created. One who will strike out until he's caught, sheltered, attended to. He doesn't know how else to do this. He doesn't think he can get through to Eichi, but maybe this is chipping away at him.
His heart is heavy. With these reactions, maybe the rest of his plan is too much. Perhaps it's even cruel.
Walking over to his phone, he pulls up another file, and sets it playing. His eyes meet Eichi's. Will Eichi let him do this? Will he suffer his past transgressions, his biggest folly, being thrown in his face?
If he's not stopped, he'll sing the song all the way through, eyes locked perfectly on Eichi's. Don't ask him who he bribed to get that backing track. Or how long he's had it.]
[Those words are enough of a slap to the face, and then the song starts, and he recognizes it from the first note. The key it's in, the instrumentals. There are conflicting feelings in him, right now. He wants to get up and interrupt it, to grab Wataru by the shoulders and defend himself, but...
He doesn't have the right. There is no defense that could justify this. He did this for his own, ephemeral and vain dream. His short life. He put himself first because no one else would, and he pressed and pushed and shoved to survive. That's how it felt. That's how he was raised.
More than that, the reason he's not stopping him now... is something like karma. Something like putting himself in Wataru's shoes. Is this how it felt to sit through his own attacks without standing up? Was it a choice, or was he truly pinned to the ground by the throat?
Eichi's eyes are cold. His blood is pumping hard from a too-quick beating heart, upset and rage are mixing with sadness and self-deprecation, and he... claps. Slow and quiet. It looks like he's being hollowed out by this.]
Even with this, you sound more perfect than I could ever imagine being. [His clapping stops, and his shaking hands drop back to his lap, but they clutch at his knees too tightly.]
But even still, I'm aware that you're human. Nothing is truly "perfect". You're a God among men, but you're still just a teenage boy. What does that mean, I wonder...? I've been held to those same standards, you know? If I'm any less, I'll fade into obscurity and exist only as an heir to my family's company. Do you understand that?
[He breathes out.]
If this is your direct attack... if this is your revenge, then I'll gladly grab your hands holding the hilt of this sword and walk directly into it. Is that what you're looking for, Wataru? [This time, he calls him just by Wataru.]
[The clapping drives a dagger into Wataru. Yes, even now, he's questioning his own methods. This is unnecessarily cruel, this is a cheap revenge, if that's what it is. And Eichi bites back.]
No, Eichi. I've never heard anything so stirring as your voice in that song. Such angelic words, the revolution on your golden wings. It was beautiful. You were beautiful. But I felt, afterwards, when you continued to harm me, that such soft things were a lie, and that you only knew pain, difficulty, hardship. That you, your heart, were callused. I was so afraid of you! Every time I came to school, I lived in fear of your next move. I had nowhere to belong, as you drove all others from my side. I was reviled, and I was alone.
[His voice cracks, and he pauses to center himself a bit, fixing a smile on his lips, ever the mask to wear when things are too difficult to bear.]
I was never perfect. I was always human, but no one else wanted to see that about me, not even you! I lived alone on my pedestal, misunderstood, or perhaps not understood even in the slightest. What you saw as perfection was simply me trying to find something to make me relevant, once all other expectations were surpassed. I was at the end of my arc, so to speak. You destroyed a hollow young man, with nothing left in his heart but want and desire.
[He takes a step toward Eichi, a hand held out, with the other clasped into the fabric over his heart.]
What's so wrong with being nothing? That's all I am now. Here I stand, nothing, begging someone who built an empire on their own pain to lend me relevancy once more. And only for a short while! How miserable am I, to do this to you? To use such petty tactics to hurt you! You, who lives inexorably marching toward death, you who are so fragile that this very meeting between us may shorten your time here on this earth, you, Eichi, whose back I have watched since the first time our eyes met... you want so little. You simply want to live, don't you? It's not so much to ask, for a boy of our age. All you have is this fleeting time, and after that you'll burn out like a meteor in the atmosphere, once proud, now so, so small.
[His tone rises as he reaches the climax of his speech, and he drops his hands slowly back down to his sides once he finishes. He fights back the tears that rise up, but a few manage to fall, and he hopes against hope that Eichi doesn't remark upon them.]
If I pass this audition, I'll ask you to form a unit with me. Just the two of us, from now until graduation. I'll ask you to give me that time to prove to you that I was never a God among men. That I was always just a boy, who knew nothing of the world, but wanted everything around him to be steeped in the love he felt from his most important people. And I want you to let me show you what that love can look like. I have but one act left in this comedic tragedy play! Shall I carry on, Eichi, or will you dismiss me before the end?
[This is overwhelming. Wataru's feelings had been so well hidden, how could anyone have known? How would he have known? He could he have, when love was such a foreign concept? When all he knew how to do was to find the things he wanted and reach out to close his hand around them so tight, to keep them close, even if it might crush them in the process?
He stands from his chair as Wataru extends his hand, and even as it drops away and Wataru is left fighting back tears, Eichi steps forward.
A unit, he's saying. A unit with the two of them? He'd been holding auditions for "fine", but he never wanted new members to join. He wanted to be rid of it, to move onto something else, and this was the perfect idea. Him and his fated enemy... the object of his admiration. He really wanted that? After all of this pain?
His steps stumble forward into a jog, and hopefully Wataru is ready to catch all of Eichi's weight, since he throws himself at the boy entirely, arms reaching to wrap around him, burying his own face into the side of his neck. He's fighting back tears, too. It can be heard in his voice.]
Though it feels shameful for me to say it, the fact that you were feeling all of that is something I never truly realized. More than that... I feel that I have no right to be standing in this room with you now. I wonder why you didn't simply let me fall to the stage and be carried away by staff.
I'm sorry. These words don't carry enough meaning, but at the very least, I'd like to express them. I don't regret everything, but I do regret causing you that pain, in the end. Pressing forward blindly like a child, without knowing any better...
I want to accept your proposal before it's been properly extended. Let's leave fine to die, and create a new unit, the two of us. However... I'd still like to see your last act.
To turn away from it now would be cruel, when I've learned so much. Do you understand? I want you to force that dagger into my stomach... Wataru.
[He doesn't know what he expects, but it isn't Eichi rising from his seat, and it certainly isn't Eichi nearly tackling him. He bears the weight for a few moments, listening to Eichi's words, then slowly slides his arms around him. He holds him, protecting Eichi from the world, from himself, from his family, from expectations, from ever-encroaching threats of his own mortality. In this room, here, in this moment, he will make Eichi immortal.
Eichi's forehead contacts the skin of his neck, and Wataru feels warmth spreading through him again. He sees, in his mind, a vision of Eichi laying still, eyes closing slowly, blood dripping from his mouth. It's gone as soon as it arrives, and it pulls a strangled sound from him. They're fated to dance the same dance again and again, aren't they? That's surely what this means.
His head turns toward Eichi's, and his voice is low, though no less theatrical than if he were standing on a stage, ready to deliver a final performance.]
Very well. My final act as an independent party, my final judgement as a vengeful fallen angel. Pay close attention, or you'll miss it.
Ay, no; no, ay; for I must nothing be; Therefore no no, for I resign to thee. Now mark me, how I will undo myself; I give this heavy weight from off my head And this unwieldy sceptre from my hand, The pride of kingly sway from out my heart; With mine own tears I wash away my balm, With mine own hands I give away my crown, With mine own tongue deny my sacred state, With mine own breath release all duty's rites: All pomp and majesty I do forswear; My manors, rents, revenues I forego; My acts, decrees, and statutes I deny: God pardon all oaths that are broke to me! God keep all vows unbroke that swear to thee! Make me, that nothing have, with nothing grieved, And thou with all pleased, that hast all achieved!
[He finishes, breathless and soft, the anguish of the scene he recites fading like the setting sun. The dagger, rather than being plunged into Eichi, is withdrawn, handed over so Eichi may do his worst to Wataru instead. Wataru relinquishes his control now, though he still holds Eichi's body up. He is a broken man, he admits it. And maybe that will do the job of driving the blade where Eichi begged he put it. He won't do it with his own hands.]
[Shakespeare. A speech from a Shakespeare play that specifically is about a King giving the crown to someone else, right? Eichi can pick up the feeling of the scene perfectly through Wataru, even as he's held. He's giving up everything? And here is Eichi, selfishly taking it all.
Even if he could also be the one that's giving up everything, trying to beg for forgiveness, to lower his head enough.
But what hurts him is, in fact, that Wataru seems so empty. A couple of the tears he'd been trying so hard to hold back drop against Wataru's skin, and he squeezes tighter, letting out a small noise. He can picture it now, in this hold, during this speech. A different Wataru from this one, standing beautiful and strong in front of him, bleeding...
And Eichi doesn't know if it's in his defense or under his order.]
I should say that I can't accept this. For your sake... [Mumbled against him.]
I'm too selfish, you know? It hurts... My chest really hurts. It's hard to breathe, and I can't stop picturing you. What is this, Wataru...?
[Like this, Wataru can feel Eichi's heart beat against him. He can feel Eichi's tears fall. He can sense the distance between them closing, little by little.
He would die for Eichi, he realizes, with faint disappointment, and a fair amount of joy. A cause to believe in. Someone who will keep him tethered. Arms around him and Eichi's lips so close, so close to his skin that it sends a shiver through Wataru that he doesn't bother to check.]
Accept me, Eichi. Please. I'll beg, if I must, on my knees, my head lowered. Would that make you happy? Would showing you my most vulnerable self bring you joy? I'll do it! I don't want to go another day as enemies. Not another hour, even. Breathe deeply, slowly, bask in the warmth I'm offering!
[He's not letting Eichi go, though. He's holding him tighter, tighter, his own head buried against Eichi's neck, his own tears threatening to fall.]
I understand why you hurt me, and I forgive you. Not easily, not without so much contemplation and difficulty, but I forgive it all. I ask for you as recompense, and I'll do whatever it takes to seize your heart. Tell me, Eichi! Tell me how!
[How, he asks. Eichi loosens his hold on Wataru just slightly, enough to pull back just so he can grab his face, instead of wrap his arms around him, and touch their foreheads together.]
Lower your head to no one, Wataru. Not even me.
[Especially not him, maybe. That's what he wants. That's what would make him feel relief. That Wataru isn't just kneeling before him, that this imbalance isn't so heavy, so unfair. That Wataru is standing by his side, if anything.
And so, without waiting to see what he says, or checking to see if it's okay, he closes the distance once more, this time claiming Wataru's lips with his own. He doesn't know what he's doing, he's clumsy, this is new— but feeling guides him plenty fine, and there's no fumbling. Only warmth.]
[He hears Eichi's request, and he's about to raise his head higher and respond, but there are lips being pressed to his. He panics, uncertain, freezing up for a moment, not having anticipated that. But it's warm. Eichi's lips are warm and although they should feel foreign, stealing Wataru's first kiss, they feel comfortable and right. They feel like he's known them forever. He knows just how Eichi likes to be kissed, and he tips his head to the side even in Eichi's hold, just to get the contact and depth he knows Eichi craves. He doesn't know how he knows this.
Well, that's a lie. He suspects why. Maybe he was too desperate to believe in fate and a possibility of happiness, maybe he created this destiny and he's just overly imaginative. He doesn't care right now, as he reaches up to cover Eichi's hands with his own, then runs his hands down Eichi's arms before embracing him again. A lover's embrace.]
We've known each other before. I've lived for you. I've died for you, haven't I? Kill me again, Eichi.
[He mumbles against those soft lips, desperate for connection, desperate for affirmation. He'll tell him how he knows when they break apart, but for now... he finally lets his own tears fall as he begins to fumble the kiss.]
[He breathes it against Wataru, a desperate, ragged sound that shakes his whole body as he pushes forward. It's a push that forces the both of them to step once, and his fingers drag down the sides of Wataru's face. Small fumbles in the kiss are taken as chances to gasp for breath, to drag his teeth gently across Wataru's lips in the softest of ways. Never breaking precious skin.]
I'll breathe life into you so thoroughly, Wataru, that we'll defy itself. I never want to picture your dying face again. Not your face, your back, the slow dying still of your fingers... I won't allow it. Do you hear me?
[He exhales, loud and shaky, presses another step forward. His gripping hands loosen, wiping Wataru's tears away with the utmost care.]
Even if death itself— even if death, and fate, and destiny... even if they wrap their claws around us and pierce our skin, I won't allow it, this time. Let's run past the boundaries put on us for this life and live. I won't accept any answer other than agreement to these demands of mine.
[The tears don't stop, even though he's smiling. He knows he's fated to lose his life for Eichi, lifetime after lifetime, some twisted, terrible fate he doesn't think he can escape. But he believes that Eichi--this Eichi, brutal and fragile and broken and bold--can heal the wounds time has caused. He believes Eichi. That he will be saved.]
I want to show you something.
[He pulls back, and pulls the soft collar of his shirt down until he exposes a mark on his chest.]
You've seen this before, haven't you? On yourself, on your own body. You know what it is, don't you? Eichi! I never thought I'd find you, but fate's cruel machinations brought us together. Perhaps, through love, I've already survived this time! Perhaps we'll know long lives together, and well never suffer again. Oh... I'd wish that for both of us.
[He releases his collar and grips Eichi's lapels.]
I accept! Your terms, your declaration, you! Let us live, burdened by purpose and our pasts, for a glorious future. Together.
[He's stunned, eyes wide just enough to stare at Wataru's mark, matching with his own, and the world seems to spin around him. Only Wataru's hands grabbing at his clothes again is enough to pull him out of it, and he laughs, freely, unable to help himself.
Tears are in the corner of his eyes, and he blinks them away, lifting a hand to gently wipe them gone.]
I'll cancel the remainder of the auditions and begin the paperwork to form our unit... You can work with me together on that, can't you? Between classes.
[What else does this mean, though? It's so powerful, his heart is pounding. Even as he glances to the side, he still sees Wataru's face so clearly in his mind.]
And we can live... together. As you say, as I say. Thank you, Wataru. It feels as though this life of mine has meaning.
[Eichi's laugh rings in Wataru's ears, and he reaches out to help wipe away those tears before Eichi lets them fall. He'll be with him. They'll be together. All the pain is over, done with, a thing of the past, and now they'll walk forward hand in hand. Eichi can rule this school almost as he pleases, and Wataru will stay by his side.
He's jubilant! His fingers don't leave Eichi's face as he holds his cheeks so, so gently.]
I will. I'll even go to class, just so we can meet between them! I'll live for the anticipation of every moment I spend with you, by your side. Eichi... everything I've been through feels like nothing compared to this. Your love... it was such a terrific thing to behold, even when I didn't know that's what it was. It was a power unlike any other. I'll help you direct it, and together, we'll give love and smiles and Amazing to everyone!
[His pulse races. He feels out of breath, like he's just run a marathon, and he wonders if he couldn't run a hundred more.]
Your life and my life have the same meaning, now. We'll do wonderful things, won't we?
[He kisses him again, swift and fleeting, but with utter sincerity.]
Fufu... two lives with the same meaning. [Quietly, Eichi leans his face into the touch of Wataru's fingers, face flushing ever so slightly.]
That's something that we should think on for quite some time. After all, the public will be surprised to see the Emperor pairing off with one of the Eccentrics. The me of the past would be wondering if that was your intention all along... if perhaps you might be using me, you know?
But I'd rather believe in this warm feeling in my chest, and what I've seen in my dreams. This truly is... something amazing.
[Ahh... He feels as light as a cloud. It's so strange!]
Wataru... [It's fine to keep calling him that, right? Especially if they'll be in a unit together.] Could we meet again after school, then? In order to properly work out the details of this, let's spend some time together.
[That soft flush of Eichi's cheeks makes Wataru blush, too, and he looks at him with the gentlest expression.]
Even if everyone is surprised... Even if my friends desert me! It's worth it. It was worth it to find you, and all the struggles we face from here, we'll face together.
[He thinks about his friends leaving him, and it hurts, makes him ache to his very core, but to gain Eichi from this, he'll make that sacrifice. He bites back tears again, and looks Eichi straight in the eyes.]
After school is so far away, but yes! Today, tomorrow, every day! We'll put our heads together until we can find the perfect fit. Ah, I'd love nothing more!
There must be some way that they could forgive you. You're someone who defies reason, after all. Someone that, even while hated by the public, could sway and affect the students around you. No matter how you thought you were viewed... I believe there was always that power.
I'd hate the be the reason that your friends came to hate you, at least.
[His fingers brush daringly over to Wataru's hair, and then trail down it as he smiles and pulls back, a little coy.]
You've made me late for class, so let's meet again later to begin the paperwork. I'll wait for you by the shoe lockers.
[And just like that... things were completely different. No, Eichi thinks things were revealed for what they should have been all along. The school is shocked, and people on either side criticize both him and Wataru. But it's a movement just as important as his revolution, he thinks. Someone who was torn down can still be restored, someone godly can still work with someone who represents "the people," things like that are pushed, and Eichi is determined to make their unit one that emphasizes the importance of Hope and Dreams. A unit with direction and power... but one that can lift the people.
Almost immediately, Eichi's family seems to take issue with it. Eichi complains about it at their brief meetings, but usually brushes it off as a small problem. He says his parents are always so busy, but his father has said something about the rumors, and his mother has voiced concerns that more thugs like the ones that had kidnapped him before might become an issue. Blame is put on Wataru for things he never did, and Eichi has no patience for it.
Eventually, Eichi is full on dodging servants and ignoring phone calls to spend time with Wataru. And now, on the night they're meant to meet in secret and practice... It's been ten minutes with no sign of Eichi, who's normally the first one there. Any messages or calls to his phone go without answer. And then, a man steps into the lesson room, even if it's after hours and no one should even be thinking of entering the school. He's in a suit, but there's something about his eyes that say he's more than a pushover business man.]
"You're Hibiki-kun, aren't you?" [Polite, testing, slowly spoken as the man looks the teen over.]
[It's been like a dream, this miracle of hard work for both of them. They've defied the school, their peers, expectations, even Eichi's family to come together in the new unit. Wataru works tirelessly to win his friends over to Eichi's cause, and Eichi's toned down his tactics little by little, making the school ultimately harmonious rather than in a constant state of conflict. Others may criticize the methods, but they can't argue with the results. A liberal application of Love and Amazing to Eichi yielded such glorious results!
Wataru's parents, unlike Eichi's, are fully behind the venture. They also don't know he was the one who put Wataru through hell, of course, but they know that the blonde boy makes their son happier than he's been in years, and they give their blessing. Eichi's family, too business-minded and obsessed with reputation, don't want any of this for their son. He should be with some other rich family's young lady, ready for a short but productive adulthood. But no, they think he's dallying with Wataru, and they've had enough. Wataru's read the tiniest amount of concern from Eichi over it, but he's dismissed it alongside Eichi, because he believes in his fated love.
Today was to be their last rehearsal before their first secret guerrilla live, and Wataru's been waiting anxiously all day for their meeting time. Yet... no Eichi to be found, anywhere, and he can't be reached. Wataru's first thought is that his love must be in the hospital again, but when he calls the hospital to check, there's no record of Eichi. He's just about to pack up to go over and check on it in person when the man walks in.
He's not a teacher. Who is he? Wataru looks at him with skepticism, but tries a polite smile, phone clenched in one hand.]
[Straightforward, not overly polite, but not overly rude either. It's some awkward place in between as the man stands with his hands in his pockets. If Wataru is observant enough, he might be able to tell that this man isn't alone— there's another man hiding back outside the door of the classroom, out of sight.]
"Eichi-sama's health took a dip again, so he wanted to make sure I came out to tell you that he won't be making it." [Already, there are holes in this flimsy story. It clearly wasn't made to be very convincing, and the man giving this message doesn't seem concerned about it, either.] "He's calling off the unit completely. Says it was a bad decision, and it's affecting his health. Sorry."
[His eyes land on Wataru like he's ready to measure his reaction.]
[Wataru, observant genius that he is, notes there's someone else out there, but doesn't react to it. This seems... dangerous? He feels like these men aren't here for any positive reason, anyway. And the words confirm it. Wataru doesn't react right away, simply blinking at the man, knowing it must be a lie. It's not even a very good one.]
Oh, I see. Thank you for letting me know. Is there any way I could hear this directly from Eichi himself? Perhaps if you tell me which hospital he's in currently I can at least go wish him well in person.
[His eyes subtly scan the man. Something's... not good. Very not good. He feigns ignorance.]
I've also borrowed one of his CD's I'd like to return. It's vintage, so he'd be dreadfully upset if I lost it.
[If anything, there's a slip of a drawl in that, like the guy's a little excited for something. The more he pushes this conversation, the more it seems like he gets closer to some sort of reward for himself. One of his hands withdraws from his pockets, half-extending to Wataru palm up.]
"If you've got it, you can pass it over to me. Otherwise, just go ahead and keep it. There's nothing in this world that kid can't just buy again for himself."
Not accepting visitors? Even though I'm the class representative, and it's my job as a student here to visit him?
[A lie. But Wataru has no issues with trading a lie for a lie. It's not like this meathead has any idea what Eichi's life is really like, even if he is some flunky. He's nothing in Wataru's eyes, just a nuisance and a roadblock.
And Wataru won't let himself be torn from Eichi so easily.
The man extends a hand, and Wataru looks down at it with a smile, then looks up, acting the very picture of an awkward, misunderstood youth.]
Oh, I don't have it with me! And it's very valuable, so it wouldn't be able to be replaced. Furthermore...
[He smiles darkly. Now he means business.]
Eichi isn't so wasteful that he'd buy something like that again. He's careful with money, even when he seems to spend frivolously. He wouldn't be the Student Council President if he didn't have such skills, honed and guided by Keito himself.
[Wataru smoothly slides his phone into his pocket.]
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teaism2019-05-21 10:36 pm
no subject
[Eichi's not going to like any of this, Wataru knows. But he has a point to make. That no matter how hard Eichi grips things, no matter how unrelenting his grasp, he must allow autonomy, or he will fall. And he has to show Eichi where he's foundered in the past, because Wataru...
A breath. His chest tightens as he thinks about it. Wataru is to be Eichi's future, isn't he? So let him conjure up ghosts and spirits of the worst kind and kill them off with his enthusiasm. Let him slay the demons that track and would drag Eichi to Hell.]
But if you'd like me to criticize you directly, I'll gladly do so. You see, when I choreographed that dance, I knew I was going to lose. I fed everything into what you wanted, thinking you had it in yourself to be merciful if only I, in my naivete, played along. That that would be the end. You hunted me down like an animal, Eichi Tenshouin. You wounded me, and drove me into this fearful corner. What did you hope to gain? Bare your soul, as promised, and we'll continue.
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[His tone rises a little, because the comments do hurt. He doesn't need to hear that he hurt him when he already knows. He asked for directness, but the type of directness it is bothers him. He's selfish like that, trying to keep himself strong to be able to move forward at all.]
It was a revolution, and you were a vital piece on the chessboard. This academy had a reputation of housing failures and lazy do-nothings who skated by on the successes of others. In order to bring hope into those that still go here, some had to be sacrificed. In order to open the doors of opportunity, I had to pry away age old rust and slam them open with my bloodied, bare hands.
[It's true that more agents are looking at signing those who graduated from the academy thanks to the commotion. More light is shed on things... but for what cost? So many were broken. Some took their own lives. Others had their reputations damaged so heavily they may never recover.]
To you who was born with natural talent, who could soar high so quickly, from such a young age... it must make no sense. But in order for me to do anything, it had to be this path. Surely even you can't deny that.
[He's upsetting himself, breathing a little shakier, even if he hides it.]
I was... jealous, I'll admit. Jealous of you, and the others. I could never stand up to your talent, and so, I knew I had to knock you down, instead. Then, I had you all crawling at my feet... my dream was achieved, no matter how ephemeral. I was able to make a difference. A sickly, no good person like me...
Do you still not understand? I'm afraid I can't help explain myself beyond that. If you hate me, then why are you speaking to me at all?
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I don't hate you. Oh, by God above do I wish I hated you, Eichi! It would make this so much easier! I wouldn't constantly be trying to win you over. I wouldn't be continually struggling to find my footing again. I wouldn't even be an idol anymore if I hated you! To hear it now, from your lips, the word "jealousy"! If only I had known that was the root of your vitriol, I would have suffered to end my own life rather than see you struggle to reach something unattainable.
[A laugh.]
Is that what you want to hear? That your torment drove me to desperation? No, that's not the Wataru Hibiki of your dreams, your fantasies. That Wataru Hibiki is human, too human for your comfort. Too real, too vulnerable. I had to be completely untouchable to fulfill your needs. You had to kill God himself, or you'd never be happy. How did that work out for you? Did you find meaning?
[He smiles broadly.]
Like a fallen angel, I became dark, obsessed with knowing why, why, why me, why this, why now? Why did I never give up? Even now, I'm so desperate to understand you that I ache. If only I could understand the Eichi Tenshouin capable of killing God, I could make him stop. I could win his heart and soothe him and take from him this desire to slaughter angels. I could heal you, I thought, with joy, with love, with Amazing! Yet you never listened when I tried. You struck me down, blow after blow, you hurt my friends, my family! Changing the school wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to change me.
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[His fingers curl tight in his lap, and he sits up, leans forward just slightly like he's going to stand, eyes lit up and harsh. But he doesn't.]
...I never once wanted to change you.
[He cuts himself off from the rest, not ready to blurt the entirety of the truth. That he only wanted to know him, that he thought this was how he could do it. That he thought in order to be acknowledged, he had to continue doing this until Wataru struck back enough. That he fantasized over the idea of being struck back so hard that he'd die on Wataru's blade. Is that what this is now? He wonders.
He takes in a slow breath.]
That's enough of this. You have two more parts to get through, don't you? So let me hear you sing, then.
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[His grin is almost a grimace. He's feeding off this aggression as much as he fears it, and loathes and loves his own savagery. This is the beast Eichi has created. One who will strike out until he's caught, sheltered, attended to. He doesn't know how else to do this. He doesn't think he can get through to Eichi, but maybe this is chipping away at him.
His heart is heavy. With these reactions, maybe the rest of his plan is too much. Perhaps it's even cruel.
Walking over to his phone, he pulls up another file, and sets it playing. His eyes meet Eichi's. Will Eichi let him do this? Will he suffer his past transgressions, his biggest folly, being thrown in his face?
If he's not stopped, he'll sing the song all the way through, eyes locked perfectly on Eichi's. Don't ask him who he bribed to get that backing track. Or how long he's had it.]
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He doesn't have the right. There is no defense that could justify this. He did this for his own, ephemeral and vain dream. His short life. He put himself first because no one else would, and he pressed and pushed and shoved to survive. That's how it felt. That's how he was raised.
More than that, the reason he's not stopping him now... is something like karma. Something like putting himself in Wataru's shoes. Is this how it felt to sit through his own attacks without standing up? Was it a choice, or was he truly pinned to the ground by the throat?
Eichi's eyes are cold. His blood is pumping hard from a too-quick beating heart, upset and rage are mixing with sadness and self-deprecation, and he... claps. Slow and quiet. It looks like he's being hollowed out by this.]
Even with this, you sound more perfect than I could ever imagine being. [His clapping stops, and his shaking hands drop back to his lap, but they clutch at his knees too tightly.]
But even still, I'm aware that you're human. Nothing is truly "perfect". You're a God among men, but you're still just a teenage boy. What does that mean, I wonder...? I've been held to those same standards, you know? If I'm any less, I'll fade into obscurity and exist only as an heir to my family's company. Do you understand that?
[He breathes out.]
If this is your direct attack... if this is your revenge, then I'll gladly grab your hands holding the hilt of this sword and walk directly into it. Is that what you're looking for, Wataru? [This time, he calls him just by Wataru.]
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No, Eichi. I've never heard anything so stirring as your voice in that song. Such angelic words, the revolution on your golden wings. It was beautiful. You were beautiful. But I felt, afterwards, when you continued to harm me, that such soft things were a lie, and that you only knew pain, difficulty, hardship. That you, your heart, were callused. I was so afraid of you! Every time I came to school, I lived in fear of your next move. I had nowhere to belong, as you drove all others from my side. I was reviled, and I was alone.
[His voice cracks, and he pauses to center himself a bit, fixing a smile on his lips, ever the mask to wear when things are too difficult to bear.]
I was never perfect. I was always human, but no one else wanted to see that about me, not even you! I lived alone on my pedestal, misunderstood, or perhaps not understood even in the slightest. What you saw as perfection was simply me trying to find something to make me relevant, once all other expectations were surpassed. I was at the end of my arc, so to speak. You destroyed a hollow young man, with nothing left in his heart but want and desire.
[He takes a step toward Eichi, a hand held out, with the other clasped into the fabric over his heart.]
What's so wrong with being nothing? That's all I am now. Here I stand, nothing, begging someone who built an empire on their own pain to lend me relevancy once more. And only for a short while! How miserable am I, to do this to you? To use such petty tactics to hurt you! You, who lives inexorably marching toward death, you who are so fragile that this very meeting between us may shorten your time here on this earth, you, Eichi, whose back I have watched since the first time our eyes met... you want so little. You simply want to live, don't you? It's not so much to ask, for a boy of our age. All you have is this fleeting time, and after that you'll burn out like a meteor in the atmosphere, once proud, now so, so small.
[His tone rises as he reaches the climax of his speech, and he drops his hands slowly back down to his sides once he finishes. He fights back the tears that rise up, but a few manage to fall, and he hopes against hope that Eichi doesn't remark upon them.]
If I pass this audition, I'll ask you to form a unit with me. Just the two of us, from now until graduation. I'll ask you to give me that time to prove to you that I was never a God among men. That I was always just a boy, who knew nothing of the world, but wanted everything around him to be steeped in the love he felt from his most important people. And I want you to let me show you what that love can look like. I have but one act left in this comedic tragedy play! Shall I carry on, Eichi, or will you dismiss me before the end?
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He stands from his chair as Wataru extends his hand, and even as it drops away and Wataru is left fighting back tears, Eichi steps forward.
A unit, he's saying. A unit with the two of them? He'd been holding auditions for "fine", but he never wanted new members to join. He wanted to be rid of it, to move onto something else, and this was the perfect idea. Him and his fated enemy... the object of his admiration. He really wanted that? After all of this pain?
His steps stumble forward into a jog, and hopefully Wataru is ready to catch all of Eichi's weight, since he throws himself at the boy entirely, arms reaching to wrap around him, burying his own face into the side of his neck. He's fighting back tears, too. It can be heard in his voice.]
Though it feels shameful for me to say it, the fact that you were feeling all of that is something I never truly realized. More than that... I feel that I have no right to be standing in this room with you now. I wonder why you didn't simply let me fall to the stage and be carried away by staff.
I'm sorry. These words don't carry enough meaning, but at the very least, I'd like to express them. I don't regret everything, but I do regret causing you that pain, in the end. Pressing forward blindly like a child, without knowing any better...
I want to accept your proposal before it's been properly extended. Let's leave fine to die, and create a new unit, the two of us. However... I'd still like to see your last act.
To turn away from it now would be cruel, when I've learned so much. Do you understand? I want you to force that dagger into my stomach... Wataru.
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Eichi's forehead contacts the skin of his neck, and Wataru feels warmth spreading through him again. He sees, in his mind, a vision of Eichi laying still, eyes closing slowly, blood dripping from his mouth. It's gone as soon as it arrives, and it pulls a strangled sound from him. They're fated to dance the same dance again and again, aren't they? That's surely what this means.
His head turns toward Eichi's, and his voice is low, though no less theatrical than if he were standing on a stage, ready to deliver a final performance.]
Very well. My final act as an independent party, my final judgement as a vengeful fallen angel. Pay close attention, or you'll miss it.
Ay, no; no, ay; for I must nothing be;
Therefore no no, for I resign to thee.
Now mark me, how I will undo myself;
I give this heavy weight from off my head
And this unwieldy sceptre from my hand,
The pride of kingly sway from out my heart;
With mine own tears I wash away my balm,
With mine own hands I give away my crown,
With mine own tongue deny my sacred state,
With mine own breath release all duty's rites:
All pomp and majesty I do forswear;
My manors, rents, revenues I forego;
My acts, decrees, and statutes I deny:
God pardon all oaths that are broke to me!
God keep all vows unbroke that swear to thee!
Make me, that nothing have, with nothing grieved,
And thou with all pleased, that hast all achieved!
[He finishes, breathless and soft, the anguish of the scene he recites fading like the setting sun. The dagger, rather than being plunged into Eichi, is withdrawn, handed over so Eichi may do his worst to Wataru instead. Wataru relinquishes his control now, though he still holds Eichi's body up. He is a broken man, he admits it. And maybe that will do the job of driving the blade where Eichi begged he put it. He won't do it with his own hands.]
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Even if he could also be the one that's giving up everything, trying to beg for forgiveness, to lower his head enough.
But what hurts him is, in fact, that Wataru seems so empty. A couple of the tears he'd been trying so hard to hold back drop against Wataru's skin, and he squeezes tighter, letting out a small noise. He can picture it now, in this hold, during this speech. A different Wataru from this one, standing beautiful and strong in front of him, bleeding...
And Eichi doesn't know if it's in his defense or under his order.]
I should say that I can't accept this. For your sake... [Mumbled against him.]
I'm too selfish, you know? It hurts... My chest really hurts. It's hard to breathe, and I can't stop picturing you. What is this, Wataru...?
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He would die for Eichi, he realizes, with faint disappointment, and a fair amount of joy. A cause to believe in. Someone who will keep him tethered. Arms around him and Eichi's lips so close, so close to his skin that it sends a shiver through Wataru that he doesn't bother to check.]
Accept me, Eichi. Please. I'll beg, if I must, on my knees, my head lowered. Would that make you happy? Would showing you my most vulnerable self bring you joy? I'll do it! I don't want to go another day as enemies. Not another hour, even. Breathe deeply, slowly, bask in the warmth I'm offering!
[He's not letting Eichi go, though. He's holding him tighter, tighter, his own head buried against Eichi's neck, his own tears threatening to fall.]
I understand why you hurt me, and I forgive you. Not easily, not without so much contemplation and difficulty, but I forgive it all. I ask for you as recompense, and I'll do whatever it takes to seize your heart. Tell me, Eichi! Tell me how!
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Lower your head to no one, Wataru. Not even me.
[Especially not him, maybe. That's what he wants. That's what would make him feel relief. That Wataru isn't just kneeling before him, that this imbalance isn't so heavy, so unfair. That Wataru is standing by his side, if anything.
And so, without waiting to see what he says, or checking to see if it's okay, he closes the distance once more, this time claiming Wataru's lips with his own. He doesn't know what he's doing, he's clumsy, this is new— but feeling guides him plenty fine, and there's no fumbling. Only warmth.]
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Well, that's a lie. He suspects why. Maybe he was too desperate to believe in fate and a possibility of happiness, maybe he created this destiny and he's just overly imaginative. He doesn't care right now, as he reaches up to cover Eichi's hands with his own, then runs his hands down Eichi's arms before embracing him again. A lover's embrace.]
We've known each other before. I've lived for you. I've died for you, haven't I? Kill me again, Eichi.
[He mumbles against those soft lips, desperate for connection, desperate for affirmation. He'll tell him how he knows when they break apart, but for now... he finally lets his own tears fall as he begins to fumble the kiss.]
that tag killed me for nearly 24 hours
[He breathes it against Wataru, a desperate, ragged sound that shakes his whole body as he pushes forward. It's a push that forces the both of them to step once, and his fingers drag down the sides of Wataru's face. Small fumbles in the kiss are taken as chances to gasp for breath, to drag his teeth gently across Wataru's lips in the softest of ways. Never breaking precious skin.]
I'll breathe life into you so thoroughly, Wataru, that we'll defy itself. I never want to picture your dying face again. Not your face, your back, the slow dying still of your fingers... I won't allow it. Do you hear me?
[He exhales, loud and shaky, presses another step forward. His gripping hands loosen, wiping Wataru's tears away with the utmost care.]
Even if death itself— even if death, and fate, and destiny... even if they wrap their claws around us and pierce our skin, I won't allow it, this time. Let's run past the boundaries put on us for this life and live. I won't accept any answer other than agreement to these demands of mine.
sowwy ;;
[The tears don't stop, even though he's smiling. He knows he's fated to lose his life for Eichi, lifetime after lifetime, some twisted, terrible fate he doesn't think he can escape. But he believes that Eichi--this Eichi, brutal and fragile and broken and bold--can heal the wounds time has caused. He believes Eichi. That he will be saved.]
I want to show you something.
[He pulls back, and pulls the soft collar of his shirt down until he exposes a mark on his chest.]
You've seen this before, haven't you? On yourself, on your own body. You know what it is, don't you? Eichi! I never thought I'd find you, but fate's cruel machinations brought us together. Perhaps, through love, I've already survived this time! Perhaps we'll know long lives together, and well never suffer again. Oh... I'd wish that for both of us.
[He releases his collar and grips Eichi's lapels.]
I accept! Your terms, your declaration, you! Let us live, burdened by purpose and our pasts, for a glorious future. Together.
it was good death
[He's stunned, eyes wide just enough to stare at Wataru's mark, matching with his own, and the world seems to spin around him. Only Wataru's hands grabbing at his clothes again is enough to pull him out of it, and he laughs, freely, unable to help himself.
Tears are in the corner of his eyes, and he blinks them away, lifting a hand to gently wipe them gone.]
I'll cancel the remainder of the auditions and begin the paperwork to form our unit... You can work with me together on that, can't you? Between classes.
[What else does this mean, though? It's so powerful, his heart is pounding. Even as he glances to the side, he still sees Wataru's face so clearly in his mind.]
And we can live... together. As you say, as I say. Thank you, Wataru. It feels as though this life of mine has meaning.
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He's jubilant! His fingers don't leave Eichi's face as he holds his cheeks so, so gently.]
I will. I'll even go to class, just so we can meet between them! I'll live for the anticipation of every moment I spend with you, by your side. Eichi... everything I've been through feels like nothing compared to this. Your love... it was such a terrific thing to behold, even when I didn't know that's what it was. It was a power unlike any other. I'll help you direct it, and together, we'll give love and smiles and Amazing to everyone!
[His pulse races. He feels out of breath, like he's just run a marathon, and he wonders if he couldn't run a hundred more.]
Your life and my life have the same meaning, now. We'll do wonderful things, won't we?
[He kisses him again, swift and fleeting, but with utter sincerity.]
Fufufu, but what shall we call our unit?
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That's something that we should think on for quite some time. After all, the public will be surprised to see the Emperor pairing off with one of the Eccentrics. The me of the past would be wondering if that was your intention all along... if perhaps you might be using me, you know?
But I'd rather believe in this warm feeling in my chest, and what I've seen in my dreams. This truly is... something amazing.
[Ahh... He feels as light as a cloud. It's so strange!]
Wataru... [It's fine to keep calling him that, right? Especially if they'll be in a unit together.] Could we meet again after school, then? In order to properly work out the details of this, let's spend some time together.
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Even if everyone is surprised... Even if my friends desert me! It's worth it. It was worth it to find you, and all the struggles we face from here, we'll face together.
[He thinks about his friends leaving him, and it hurts, makes him ache to his very core, but to gain Eichi from this, he'll make that sacrifice. He bites back tears again, and looks Eichi straight in the eyes.]
After school is so far away, but yes! Today, tomorrow, every day! We'll put our heads together until we can find the perfect fit. Ah, I'd love nothing more!
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I'd hate the be the reason that your friends came to hate you, at least.
[His fingers brush daringly over to Wataru's hair, and then trail down it as he smiles and pulls back, a little coy.]
You've made me late for class, so let's meet again later to begin the paperwork. I'll wait for you by the shoe lockers.
[And just like that... things were completely different. No, Eichi thinks things were revealed for what they should have been all along. The school is shocked, and people on either side criticize both him and Wataru. But it's a movement just as important as his revolution, he thinks. Someone who was torn down can still be restored, someone godly can still work with someone who represents "the people," things like that are pushed, and Eichi is determined to make their unit one that emphasizes the importance of Hope and Dreams. A unit with direction and power... but one that can lift the people.
Almost immediately, Eichi's family seems to take issue with it. Eichi complains about it at their brief meetings, but usually brushes it off as a small problem. He says his parents are always so busy, but his father has said something about the rumors, and his mother has voiced concerns that more thugs like the ones that had kidnapped him before might become an issue. Blame is put on Wataru for things he never did, and Eichi has no patience for it.
Eventually, Eichi is full on dodging servants and ignoring phone calls to spend time with Wataru. And now, on the night they're meant to meet in secret and practice... It's been ten minutes with no sign of Eichi, who's normally the first one there. Any messages or calls to his phone go without answer. And then, a man steps into the lesson room, even if it's after hours and no one should even be thinking of entering the school. He's in a suit, but there's something about his eyes that say he's more than a pushover business man.]
"You're Hibiki-kun, aren't you?" [Polite, testing, slowly spoken as the man looks the teen over.]
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Wataru's parents, unlike Eichi's, are fully behind the venture. They also don't know he was the one who put Wataru through hell, of course, but they know that the blonde boy makes their son happier than he's been in years, and they give their blessing. Eichi's family, too business-minded and obsessed with reputation, don't want any of this for their son. He should be with some other rich family's young lady, ready for a short but productive adulthood. But no, they think he's dallying with Wataru, and they've had enough. Wataru's read the tiniest amount of concern from Eichi over it, but he's dismissed it alongside Eichi, because he believes in his fated love.
Today was to be their last rehearsal before their first secret guerrilla live, and Wataru's been waiting anxiously all day for their meeting time. Yet... no Eichi to be found, anywhere, and he can't be reached. Wataru's first thought is that his love must be in the hospital again, but when he calls the hospital to check, there's no record of Eichi. He's just about to pack up to go over and check on it in person when the man walks in.
He's not a teacher. Who is he? Wataru looks at him with skepticism, but tries a polite smile, phone clenched in one hand.]
Yes... that's me. Can I help you with something?
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[Straightforward, not overly polite, but not overly rude either. It's some awkward place in between as the man stands with his hands in his pockets. If Wataru is observant enough, he might be able to tell that this man isn't alone— there's another man hiding back outside the door of the classroom, out of sight.]
"Eichi-sama's health took a dip again, so he wanted to make sure I came out to tell you that he won't be making it." [Already, there are holes in this flimsy story. It clearly wasn't made to be very convincing, and the man giving this message doesn't seem concerned about it, either.] "He's calling off the unit completely. Says it was a bad decision, and it's affecting his health. Sorry."
[His eyes land on Wataru like he's ready to measure his reaction.]
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Oh, I see. Thank you for letting me know. Is there any way I could hear this directly from Eichi himself? Perhaps if you tell me which hospital he's in currently I can at least go wish him well in person.
[His eyes subtly scan the man. Something's... not good. Very not good. He feigns ignorance.]
I've also borrowed one of his CD's I'd like to return. It's vintage, so he'd be dreadfully upset if I lost it.
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[If anything, there's a slip of a drawl in that, like the guy's a little excited for something. The more he pushes this conversation, the more it seems like he gets closer to some sort of reward for himself. One of his hands withdraws from his pockets, half-extending to Wataru palm up.]
"If you've got it, you can pass it over to me. Otherwise, just go ahead and keep it. There's nothing in this world that kid can't just buy again for himself."
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[A lie. But Wataru has no issues with trading a lie for a lie. It's not like this meathead has any idea what Eichi's life is really like, even if he is some flunky. He's nothing in Wataru's eyes, just a nuisance and a roadblock.
And Wataru won't let himself be torn from Eichi so easily.
The man extends a hand, and Wataru looks down at it with a smile, then looks up, acting the very picture of an awkward, misunderstood youth.]
Oh, I don't have it with me! And it's very valuable, so it wouldn't be able to be replaced. Furthermore...
[He smiles darkly. Now he means business.]
Eichi isn't so wasteful that he'd buy something like that again. He's careful with money, even when he seems to spend frivolously. He wouldn't be the Student Council President if he didn't have such skills, honed and guided by Keito himself.
[Wataru smoothly slides his phone into his pocket.]
That said, what are you really here for?
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