teaism | 90s sadness and gay???

[Leon... At least one of them is sort of enjoying this picnic.]

...In my defense, you did ask.

I was trying to make small talk.

[But he realizes he can't... talk about anything normal with D.]

[That seems like a personal problem.]

It seems you don't trust me enough to carry a basic conversation. I can't say I'm surprised.

Nothing about you is basic. [u basic bitch]

But fine. What do you want to talk about?

[rude......]

We could always not scrape the bottom of the barrel for conversation topics. It's a beautiful day— why don't you try enjoying it?

Like you know anything about enjoying beautiful days! You won't even go to the beach. So what should I do to enjoy it, huh?

[he's ENJOYING NATURE!!!! aggressively admires a flower next to the blanket.]

[god what a JERK]

Not enjoying the beach means nothing! [Oh my god. No. No, he's not starting this stupid argument. He'll dump Leon for Nature, don't TEST him...]

Regardless, you could start by not snapping so much!

[Don't leave him for nature... He's actually about to snap at all of that when that last comment comes through, and he hesitates. He remembers what had been said about D's smiles, and how he'd been so close to telling him something when he was in a bad mood...

His shoulders deflate just a little and he stares at a cookie in his hand.]

Alright. [As if it's that easy... but what's he going to do, snap about not snapping?! That seems... hm, well, he'll try.]

Thank you.

[Nature doesn't yell at him about everything... All D wants is a moment of quiet, so he can pretend it's a moment of peace. It's not - they were never very peaceful together even before he left and everything turned on its head, but he'd like to imagine they could be. Or at least that Leon can stop being angry or frustrated, without a distraction like Chris between them.

It would be nice, ugh. Give him this. Give him a few minutes of quiet. Look at some clouds, or something.]

[Well, that's not a bad reaction after all that effort. For once, he will put some real effort into relaxing. It's easier if he enjoys the weather, which is a hell of a lot nicer here than it had been in certain other countries, and the food is pretty good, too. For once, there's no stupid animals in the way... Yeah, maybe this isn't so bad after all!

Look, Leon did it, he's slowly looking happier.]

[You're welcome, his food is great. D is glad for the silence, as for once he'd actually like to think about this instead of putting it off. It keeps occurring to him where they are— or more accurately, where they aren't, which for Leon at least is home. Jury is out on whether or not D grew attached enough to LA to consider it home, but it was at least the last place he was comfortable, which counts for something.

But they're in Italy now, in a city neither of them have any attachment to, with no comforts of home except each other. And that's barely approaching "comfort" status, after everything... D shouldn't be thinking of these things at all, but he knows enough now to make an educated guess about what hypocrites his family are— that FBI agent, and his father? He isn't blind.

Left alone he could handle himself, and that seems to be how Father and Grandfather handled themselves, by purposely staying isolated after a certain point... but if he's honest, he's been acutely miserable for ages. He is not that honest, even privately.

When he's finally finished his cake drinks, he sets the empty bottles aside. Here they are, in Italy... both of them... in Italy... How gay is it to reach over and brush back some of Leon's hair that's been ruffled by the breeze? Too late to worry about that now.]

...I was mistaken. I should not have left you— or at all. Humans are capable of struggling, despite all odds... I was tired and afraid. In some ways, I still am.

[god Leon didn't even drink his cake shake and he's still trying to open up here, what's wrong with him? This is going to be a lot more than just "stay, because"—]

With you, unlike all other humans... despite everything, I have been— happy. [strike him down where he sits, this is embarrassing] I thought you might want to know that much.

[The hand brushing his hair away gets his attention, but it's the words that earn the soft, surprised expression on his face. Those are words he hadn't expected to come from Count D, of all people. They're open, honest, the look on his face isn't quite the same as what he's used to seeing.

But it's what he'd been hoping for. All of that confusion after the plane crash had left him concerned and angry. Every conversation he'd had with D was him hoping he'd see something different, to prove that knowing smile wrong. He wanted to hear what D was thinking, that he cared about Chris, about people, about him. This isn't quite that, but... it sounds like a step.

He's been happy. For a few seconds, Leon just stares. He's upset that this came so late, but relieved that it came at all— it's complicated!]

You should have told me something.

[This is pointless to say again, but he says it anyway, glancing down at his lap.] But I had too much of an attitude. I couldn't figure out what you were thinking.

[He doesn't know why he feels so guilty about thinking D was behind everything. He was, wasn't he? He doesn't know how to see it any other way. But this, right here, is sincere feeling. He's afraid? Hearing that...]

I've been pretty happy, too. [Compared to before, especially...] I thought you didn't care.

[Should have told him something... That might be true. D has been pressed from all sides by people telling him what he should or should not be doing, and without stopping to think, he's believed his family to be in the right this whole time. After everything, though- it's easier to see them as less than infallible, or whatever he'd seen them as before. He isn't about to switch to listening to everything Leon says, but...]

Point taken.

[He gets it, he can stop hearing it now. At least then he'll fall silent, listening to the rest of what Leon says. He knows this, most of it— of course Leon didn't know what he was thinking, he makes a point to hide behind so many things... but he isn't about to extend some sympathies and tell Leon that wasn't his fault. Too much, too soon.

The last part of what he says, though... that gets D to look at him again, more sharply than before. He thought...? Does Leon really, honestly require a written notice of how much he cares? How many times does he have to save the man's life and feed him and take care of him before it's clear??

He's been happy— that tempers D's annoyance about thinking he didn't care. His gaze softens into something a little too soft and he looks away, down at the picnic basket. Hmm.]

Of course I... [can he really say this with a straight face? He knows it, but Leon is... himself, and D hasn't always been the best of companions-] I do care.

[He lapses into silence again and it makes him feel vulnerable, more than his literal admission of feeling afraid did—almost, he says something dismissive, to put a wall up between them again. It's a lot of effort to stop himself.]

You were happy, even thinking that? [He doesn't.... understand this thing...... sighs.]

Edited 2016-06-27 01:40 (UTC)

[He cares. He says it straight out like that and the only doubt is in everything Leon sees elsewhere. The smile that had been on his face after the plane crash, the strange, happy mood before Chris was taken back... How could he have seen anything but guilt?

At the same time...]

I wanted to believe there was a reason. That you did care, and you just needed someone to smack all of your bullshit out of you. That maybe you just needed someone you could trust.

[Honesty... feels both heavy and light, after this long. He looks to D.] I guess I thought it could be me.

[Maybe if he used his adult words and tried to have a conversation about his reasons before everything went to hell— it's too late to wonder about that now, D thinks, and it's fair to say that he hasn't been open about anything, until now. He frowns; being open about these things confuses him, leaves him feeling... lonely, at best— so he can't say he regrets the way he's acted up until now.

The rest... is that right? Is that what he needs? He's never thought about it. This conversation makes his chest hurt, he's afraid it won't ever stop and equally afraid that it will— so what does he do with that?]

My people are— solitary creatures. As a general rule. [Or they are now, considering how angry and bitter the remaining ones are. He folds his hands in his lap and looks down at them.] What we must do requires it. Trust in anyone but each other is unnecessary, in that way. But you...

[ruined his life, etc— he squeezes his hands together, staring very intently at them and certainly not looking at Leon.] ...It could be you, if it is not too late.

[He... does want that? He thought he was saying nonsense, or sounding stupid, and that D would look at him with one of his usual smiles and everything would go back to how it was before. Instead, his heart beats faster and his cheeks heat up a bit. He's looking at D, and he's suddenly aware of how he looks. That look is nervous? So he must be genuine. This isn't just him messing with him.

He swallows back his nervousness. Could he really break through with D? Does that go against everything he's been doing trying to bring him justice? Maybe justice isn't what he needs. Maybe it doesn't solve everything...

Ugh!! Impulsively, he reaches over and claps one of his hands over D's in his lap. He shouldn't be that nervous asking someone for god damn company! What did his family teach him?!]

I'm here, aren't I? Maybe I don't notice everything, and there's still a lot I don't get, but I'll smack that smile off your face any day!

[...Well, the emotion behind it is well-meaning and cute.]

[D doesn't know what he's expecting - another thing that puts him on edge, if they're keeping track - but at most he expects some more comments about how he should have done this or that. More half-assed scolding, basically, so he's still staring down at his hands when Leon abruptly grabs them. D startles- how could he do anything but startle- and actually looks up at him, finally.

He almost doesn't hear half of what Leon's saying, he's too surprised by the sudden contact. Leon is saying something about hitting him, and D is blinking at him like he's only just arrived here at this picnic.]

You— [Ah.] I would not smack me, if I were you.

[Some of his usual edge comes back into his voice for that, before he backslides into that odd nervousness again. Leon's hand is warm. He's distracted by that. After a moment he pulls just one hand out from under Leon's to cover it instead, uncertainly.]

Will you stay? [Okay, he's already established that, so maybe if he adds to it without all of the "humans are fickle and don't you dare get bored of me" he's definitely thinking...] I suppose I am asking for more than is appropriate, but you must understand that if you are to stay, then I will not let you leave.

[Just get the rest of his crazy out in the open while they hold hands in the park, nbd.]

[Well that got serious real quick. That's a heavy request in how D says it, vaguely threatening and deeply lonely, from what Leon can pick up. He doesn't know if he's just imagining that or not. The hand over his barely registers, the throbbing in his own chest too distracting, but he squeezes D's hand a little more.

Does he want to stay with D forever? The word "forever" wasn't mentioned, but it feels like it comes with this request. There's no end date for "will you stay." He's asking for a lot more than that. He's asking for him to center his life around him.

He's already done that, he realizes, and his stomach twists a bit with a confusing feeling.]

Don't tell me you're going senile, D. I already said I was staying.

[It's mumbled so that maybe D won't notice that he's a bit caught off guard by all the feelings himself.]

[It isn't the first time he's asked for forever, to be fair, but this time it turns out he means it. That- and saying it- doesn't make it easier for him to bear, and it still feels like the most terrifying thing he's ever faced— keeping Leon here with him. He is asking a lot; he knows this. He doesn't know what he's doing, other than it's the only thing that's felt right since he pushed Leon off the boat.

Leon's answer comes, and D still isn't sure he's comprehended the scope of forever. If Leon needs this spelled out for him too— hopefully, he's just being paranoid. He should trust him now, of all times. That would help.

So. If he trusts Leon, and Leon is going to stay... The awful feeling in his chest might ease up some, finally. He's going into this blind.]

I want to believe you. [And mostly he does! But there's the voice of his father yet, reminding him not to hope... He tilts his head to one side, giving Leon a considering look.] No— I do.

[probably]

I will... hold you to that, you know. If I must.

Go ahead.

[That shift from "I want to believe you" to "I do" brings a small smile to Leon's face. He's really pissed at everything that's caused D to be this distrusting in the first place, what's lead him to hate humans and everything else, but if this is something he can help with, he will.]

I'm a man of my word.

[So how long are they going to hold hands.]

[Don't smile at him like that, how is he expected to deal with that? It won't be long until they're having another pointless argument about something like how to (or not) fold napkins, and yet... this—

He has to look down at their hands again, letting his hair fall forward and hide at least some of his expression. He's... pleased? He's smiling, for real this time. Don't look at him.]

You mean you're remarkably stubborn.

[they are going to hold hands for ten years minimum]

[Oh, he sees that smile!! It's there!! His own smile grows, and with a laugh he reaches over with his free hand to shove playfully at D's shoulder.]

It's a good thing I am, with all the crap you get us into! [He's a perfect fit, see!! He hasn't even yanked his hand back. I's much easier to relax like this.]

[Pushing him!! D's too caught up in everything that's happened to be angry, raising a hand to nudge Leon's shoulder in turn. Just the one, he's busy holding hands and not talking about it with the other.]

Me? As if you're completely blameless!

[Heh!! But ah, he shoved him back. Somehow that's hilarious and Leon has to laugh for it... but he keeps laughing. He can't even defend his pride of not causing any problems ever because he's just so relieved.

All of this wasn't for naught. D is ridiculous, too, acting all shy like that...]

[He isn't... shy!! Shy is a terrible word to use for whatever this is, because he isn't it.

Leon is just laughing at him...]

Are you through?

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