90s sadness and gay???

[dtective]

[By this point, Leon has lost track of how long he's been searching for Count D. It became an obsession that only grew with time, and now he couldn't keep to one spot anymore. Not while D was still out there. Across cities, across countries, he probably looked insane to everyone around him. But they didn't know the half of it! Sometimes even Leon wasn't sure he understood what he was doing.

Right now wasn't the time to doubt himself, though. He'd hoped that this lead would get him even an inch closer to his goal, but he hadn't counted on spotting him in the streets. It had to be him. He'd seen him turn and look at him, and those eyes—]

Wait! Stop right there!

[He doesn't hold back, shoving his way through the crowded streets and keeping his eyes locked on him. It doesn't work, because of course it doesn't, and his steps slow in his confusion. His heart is beating way too fast, his stomach sinks, and for a moment he's sure he's lost his one chance.

But something catches the corner of his eye, and his instinct tells him to turn. He reaches out, grabbing the first wrist he can and meeting D's eyes with his own.]

...Found you.

Comments

[pruning]

It's a protein shake. It's good for you!

[This is what he spent time on making instead of tea. See, he's... considerate? Well.]

Carrot cake flavor.

[dtective]

[A protein shake? That sounds great, so he undoes the cap, takes a gulp...

Right as the flavor is announced and that disgusting flavor hits his tongue. Excuse him as he sits up and spits it all over the grass over to the side.]

What the fuck, this isn't a drink at all! It's liquefied cake!

[pruning]

[LEON!!! He spent time on that!]

It's a flavor! Do you see cake pieces floating around in it? Check the grass for them, you barbarian!

[dtective]

[There's probably some drooling down his mouth... He's a mess.]

That doesn't change the taste! How much sugar is in this thing?!

[pruning]

[Why did D agree to keep him, again... With a sigh, he goes back to the basket for a napkin, which he shoves at Leon impatiently. Gross.]

Three tablespoons! [are in the recipe... how much did he augment this with More sugar. Who knows.]

[dtective]

Wait, that's it?

[He wipes his mouth off and squints at it again.] What else is in here? It tastes like one of your desserts! I need a warning for that sort of thing!

[pruning]

Cinnamon, pineapple chunks, vanilla... cream cheese, and so on.

[Those are the sweeter things plus cream cheese, so. Maybe it tastes like a dessert because it is a dessert put through a blender. But there isn't any actual cake!!]

[dtective]

[Hm, that explains everything. Crumpling up his napkin, he shoves the drink back at D's chest. He doesn't want this...]

That's pure toothache! Gross... I can't believe you can drink that all at once. [He's eating more of this sandwich to save himself.]

[pruning]

[Well, there's nothing else to drink, so enjoy suffering from thirst!! D will drink this ridiculous shake. Just watch him.]

I can't believe you can stomach your cheap American beer, so I suppose we're even. [Does Leon still drink only the shittiest beer?? He's assuming so.] This shake is better for you than most of the things you eat on a daily basis!

[dtective]

[That's not hard to do really]

I'm not drinking pure sugar! [But he'll drink nasty cheap ass beer, yes.] You can tell me that's good for you when you find all the cavities you must have from eating like this all the time. At least I'm expecting the taste with beer!

[give him a bud light]

[pruning]

[His one visit to the crazy dentist aside... he has beautiful teeth, thank you.]

That hardly makes it better! I won't have you filling my shop with beer cans, you know.

[dtective]

Then recycle them.

[He says this as he probably casually tosses his napkin to the side like it won't blow away in the wind. He's a mess.] I'm cutting you some slack by not trying to decorate, so the least you can do is put up with my habits.

[He's so generous.]

[pruning]

[Watches Leon casually destroy the environment... fine, he'll gingerly pick up that napkin himself. Don't mind his distasteful look as he leans over to do this, personal space be damned.]

If I see even the slightest hint of a corner of one of your tacky posters, I will burn it.

[Don't test him!! Just be Aware that this is a real possibility.]

Surely you can make the extra trip yourself to recycle your own cans. I am not your maid.

[dtective]

[How about magazines, he'll find those as replacements. It'll be great. Look forward to it.]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you want me to relax, or what? [Stop nagging!! He'll leave cans all over anyway...]

[pruning]

[sHREDS THEM??? Leon finds them being used to line D's bird cages honestly.]

We're just having a conversation. [........] You started it.

[dtective]

It was your nasty drink that started it.

[He's so rude... Don't TOUCH HIS MAGAZINES he'll just buy 20 more. ANYWAY... Enough back and forth like this, it's been a whole day.] So, what do you plan on doing here?

[pruning]

[RUDE... it's a great drink and he's drinking them all, apparently.]

Sell pets. [Okay, wait, don't freak out.] Average, everyday pets.

[dtective]

Do you even own average, everyday pets?

[He doesn't buy this... What are the laws on exotic pets in Italy?? He's looking this up as soon as he can.]

[pruning]

[How, he can't read Italian. Good luck, loser.]

Of course I do. Puppies and kittens... even ordinary goldfish. It's some people's dream to take home a normal puppy, you know.

[dtective]

[dubious squinting]

What happened to all that talk about your family?

[pruning]

[Why can't he talk about puppies for two minutes without Leon bringing this up again?? Why???]

Erm— pardon?

[dtective]

[THERE ARE NO REAL PUPPIES!!!11

But really, he's bothered. If this is true, then everything D was arguing against is stupid. If it's false, then he's holding back information like always. Why can't they just... he doesn't know... something??]

Forget it. I'll see about those puppies and kittens later.

[pruning]

[THERE ARE REAL PUPPIES!!!!!

D can't figure out what Leon's problem with real puppies is, however, so he simply stares at him a moment before going back to drinking this cake drink. He just wanted to divert from Leon accusing him of more crime...]

If you'd like to, be my guest...

[jerk?? probably.]

You aren't relaxing.

[dtective]

I'm relaxing just fine!

[He says, hunched over tensely as he eats some snacks that were packed. He's not grumpy over puppies at all.]

[pruning]

[Leon... At least one of them is sort of enjoying this picnic.]

...In my defense, you did ask.