teaism | pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

[ that's one way to solve it. dextera genuinely wasn't expecting this, but it places the earlier, chaste kiss into a larger context—and dextera wishes he had kissed back, hanging on that small regret long enough to miss the chance to do it this time. ]

Guren—

[ it's a good thing he's not in the fucking hospital because his heartbeat is wild right now, and his eyes are wide and marveling to match. he starts to go in to return the kiss, only to remember that movement is stupid. a soft noise of pain leaves him, a sign of his forcible reminder that he's not going anywhere right now. ]

...ngh.

[ he got too excited and now his body is punishing him... he's fine, just cowed. ]

[Oh no, poor Dextera... Guren can't help but frown in response, reaching to hold him sturdy as he deals with that reaction. Did he do that?? Woops.]

...I guess I should stop. [If Dex is getting this excited... But also— he shifts, turning himself more towards Dextera, positioning himself so that they can be even closer. Arms still wrapped around Dex, his head against one of the pillows, he's trying to make it easier for them to be as close as possible.]

Don't move too much. Rest, and in a while, I'll see if I can't find some kind of plant to help with all the pain. [It's just a little harder to say when everything is gray.]

[ guren is so cool about it that dextera almost feels a little embarrassed for being this into it—but guren is the one who started it! now dex is dealing with the consequences.

it’s unfair. ]

I’ll be—fine.

[ maybe? he wants to take advantage of this time that they have together, the privacy and also this bed no not like that, but it’s his own fault for getting himself so beat up. ]

...you should rest too.

[It's an illusion; he's only cool on the outside. Inwardly, right about now, he's having to tell himself again and again not to let his hands wander, that Dextera is hurt, that he shouldn't be thinking about anything more than letting him rest. As much as he'd like to cover him in kisses and hope they help, he knows they won't, really.

It's just... this desire for a comfort he's never really had. As much as people fell all over him, they were all crazy and shit was always going down and he never knew what he wanted. Right now, it feels like he does.

All of that thought fills a long pause as his hand rests at the side of Dextera's neck. His fingers twitch a little like he wants to move them, but he holds back.]

I can't really sleep. [So, no,] But I'll stay here while you rest.

[He's already thinking of needing to change out all the makeshift bandages he'd placed, of cleaning them off, but there's no running water in this house. They'll have to go out for that. Hmm. He's watching Dextera's face, but maybe staring at someone makes it harder for them to sleep, so his eyes dip down to watch his own hand at his neck.]

Let me know if you need anything.

[ dextera has never been... tended to, in recent memory.

it’s strange to have someone watching him, probably worrying about him, although he can’t even hope to guess what’s on guren’s mind. for as long as he’s been descending the neuro tower, his wounds were his own, and it was blind luck that got him to god’s chamber.

it’s foreign to need to be nursed back from the brink. he doesn’t especially like the idea that he’ll have to stay here and rest, though guren’s presence—the promise of it—makes it more tolerable. makes it nice, even.

but he would be moving again if he didn’t have guren here, out of fear and stubbornness. ]

...

[ he’s quiet for a moment, and although guren looked away, dextera’s eyes flick up so he can watch guren’s face—now that he’s down like this, relaxing, some of the tension between them easing after a kiss, he is tired... but also, there’s guren. so close.

and dextera is great at staring. ]

[He'd been looking away on purpose, to avoid making it awkward for Dextera, but now that he's being stared at himself... he lifts his gaze slowly to meet his. It's quiet again, and that same heavy tension that he doesn't have a name for is trying to settle in, again. It's not bad at all, but it does make Guren a bit restless.

He has plenty he wants to say, but he's never been good at saying it. He's glad they met. He's glad Dextera is alive. He wants to live with him, too. He wants him to be happy, no matter what. He just can't help but think that that last point might contradict with the earlier...

This staring is even getting to Guren, though. He can keep a straight face, but eventually, he'll want to break the silence before it gets too tense.]

We both look like a mess right now. [Yes, that's the reason for the staring, definitely. Guren pulls a hand back to rub at his cheek, where he's positive there must be dried blood. Just like everywhere else.] It's too bad it's not easier to take a bath.

[He wants one... Even if those aren't the most pleasant with wounds. He's used to it.]

[ a bath... another thing he's largely gone without since the blaze, but it's also something that wasn't necessary. he doesn't get dirty when he just dies.

but the thought of taking a bath with guren—even if that's not explicitly what was being proposed—is thrilling, although it also seems like a terrible idea with the way they're both beat up and can hardly move. either way, guren is right. it's not easy to take a bath with things as they are in this old town.

forcing himself through the slight pain, he reaches up between them, touching some of the blood on guren's face. ]

...I don't care.

[ ugh... he's smiling... there might be something sappy on the horizon here. guren didn't escape by changing the subject. ]

I'm just glad to see you.

[A bath for the two of them would be extra nice, though he doesn't trust his self control right now. It'd end up too tense, right, and Dextera is in pain and shouldn't be getting up to any scandalous things. Still, it definitely crossed Guren's mind, as well.

But now, he's dealing with an attack out of nowhere. A hand on his face, a smile that he can't look away from and words that make him look down anyway. He breathes out a laugh automatically.]

Don't be so embarrassing.

[Even if he could say that's my line or something similar, it's not his style... Not at all. He thinks it's obvious, anyway. All of his worrying hasn't gone unnoticed, he knows.]

You see me all the time.

Not like this.

[ they have their moments of peace, but even with their friendship as tactile as it is—was? where are they now?—cuddling face-to-face is a brave new world. it's nice, to be so close to guren. close enough that he can just touch his face and stare into his eyes. ]

Could you—? [ no. too bold!! ] I think I'd like it if you kissed me again.

...

[Well, hopefully while staring directly into his eyes, Dextera can catch the most embarrassed and surprised expression to ever cross Guren's face for a split second. His face feels hot, but he's sure any slight blush is blocked by blood and dirt, anyway.]

You think so? [It's cute, the way he says it like that instead of asking. He thought working Dextera up like this would be a bad idea, but he wants more? Peaceful cuddling and kissing doesn't sound bad at all...]

Just don't let me hurt you. [That's what he decides on saying before he closes what little distance is left, turning his head slightly to catch Dextera's lips in a soft, slow kiss.]

[ he knows he wants to be kissed!! but it's hard to just up and ask for something like that, when he's hardly used to asking for anything at all.

since he's prepared this time, he closes his eyes with the slightest tension from anticipation—but as soon as guren connects, he melts. this is what he wanted, after all, even if he can't return the favor as actively as he'd like to.

he has to settle for trying to shift closer. the only sign that it might hurt at all is the hitch in his breathing, but it's gone as soon as it's heard, and he's wholly glad to be kissing guren like this. he's not an expert at cuddling and kissing and all this soft, sweet affection, but he knows a little bit about what he's doing. it's exciting. ]

[It's nice. It's so nice that Guren feels his heart swell, and he's still not sure if that's a good or a bad thing in relation to his own demon. He can feel Mahiru stirring in his mind, and he muffles her as much as he can. He doesn't need this moment ruined.

Trying to help with Dextera's sore body, Guren moves closer still, so that there's no gap left to close. Even his leg slips closer, between both of Dextera's, just to have them tangled together.

Kissing is easy because it's all about feeling. He doesn't need experience or knowledge to know what feels good, to know how to express himself with it. It doesn't matter that they're both dirty, beat up and covered in blood. They have a makeshift bed that's squeaking a little too much with every small shift, they have blankets, and they have each other— as corny as that sounds, it's all Guren wants right now.

He wants it so much. Too much? He pauses in the kiss before he tries to deepen it too much. Breathing against Dextera's lips, his hand slides up his neck to the side of his face, cupping his cheek.]

I'm glad I get to see you, too. [It's so quiet, it's barely above a whisper. He's late, he knows, but he realized he wanted to say it before it was too late.]

[ it's a shame that this is all on the heels of such injury, or else dextera would be all in favor of deepening it here and now. who knows when they'll ever again have such a perfect setup, even if the strange fog of the forest is still heavy around the house they've found? it's not even eerie, when they're safe inside, together on this bed.

when they part, his breath is soft, softer than his voice, but there's desire behind it that he wishes he could act on. ]

You mean... a lot to me.

[ dextera wants to say more than that, but even he's embarrassed at the thought of being so honest, so quickly. there are some things that need to be saved for a rainy day, although today he discovered that that rainy day might never come if he isn't careful.

but for now, this is enough. he laughs a breath against guren's mouth, as if in apology for saying something like that in the first place. ]

I'm sorry.

[I shouldn't. The immediate response he has to someone saying that he matters is a little sad— he knows any of his friends would give him hell for it, but it's automatic. Even in a world where being Ichinose scum doesn't actually matter, there are too many reasons why he's not a good match for anyone.

But he can't stop what he wants. He can't stop it at all. It gives life meaning, relationships like this, and this is new meaning— he hasn't had new meaning in a long time. Not like this, anyway.]

Don't apologize.

[He's serious but gentle with those words, fingers curling lightly where his hand cups his face. It's embarrassing to talk about this, but when it becomes serious, then he can ignore the embarrassment. Dextera is opening up to him, and he's not about to push that away.]

You mean a lot to me, too. Isn't that obvious? [Serious, and spoken kind of powerfully, in some way...?] I won't let anything happen to you again.

[If he says that, if he's this determined... maybe it's fine what Dextera thinks. Guren doesn't give him time to reply, kissing him again. It's a rush of passion that has him acting, so it's hard to keep it entirely chaste— but he's holding back, too, and that's noticeable. He doesn't want to make poor Dextera hurt.]

[ it’s not a problem that guren doesn’t give him time to reply—he doesn’t know what he would say, anyway. he’s never done this with anyone else. he’s never felt like this with anyone else, a love that lasts beyond the infatuation of contact and kindness.

love. well, maybe he won’t say that outright, and he’s not even sure that it’s true, but this is something more powerful than he’s encountered before. guren’s kiss stops the tears before they can spill from his eyes.

it’s for the best, he’s sure. guren would scold him. ]

Hah—

[ dextera grips guren’s arm, holding himself back from trying to deepen the kiss, bring them even closer than this even if their bodies can’t get much nearer to each other.

when he pulls back, he’s panting. ]

[What a powerful feeling. It's difficult to hold back when this is what he feels. Lust is there, of course, and he's a little ashamed that it's so strong, but it isn't where it ends at all. His heart is overflowing, or that's what it feels like, and his own eyes almost want to do the same thing and spill out. He manages not to let that happen.

But Guren is breathing a little hard himself. Damn it. What are they supposed to do at all, with this? What he wants is so entirely selfish, even if Dextera is interested, too. Even still, he finds himself kissing again at Dextera's bottom lip.

"You're so cute, Guren." There are arms behind him that he knows only he would be able to see, slipping in around his shoulders as if she can just share the bed. Her hair is everywhere, her lips are by his ear, and he tenses. "You want him so badly that you're starting to shake... Ah, is that how you were with me, too?"

The kiss breaks again before he can even fully get into it, and his eyes flick down, out of the way.

"Why don't you just take him right now? I bet he won't mind the pain. Just look at him..." But that slender hand slips past him like it wants to brush Dextera's cheek, as well, and even if Guren knows that wouldn't do more than give Dextera a weird feeling (he might have one even now, with Mahiru focused on him), Guren still reacts.

His hand pulls back from Dextera's face to swat back at her, and her image fades away like smoke with her laugh echoing in his mind.

And now he's left rolled onto his back, too far away from Dextera again (and too close to falling off this bed), looking like an idiot.]

[ dextera doesn’t immediately know what’s happened. it’s his first instinct to think that it’s his fault—but there’s a strange feeling in the air that’s gone before he can try to make sense of it, and he wonders if it’s her. he doesn’t know much about guren’s demon, unable to interact with her in any way, but he’s gotten good at noticing when guren acts just a little different. a little haunted. ]

Guren.

[ (mahiru is probably right, anyway—he wouldn’t protest, through the pain, but that’s not exactly an ideal encounter for either of them.)

he frowns, concerned, and he props himself up so he can seek guren’s face with his eyes. he inhales, holding it there—now that he’s laid down once, it pricks at him to move, but guren feels more important than a momentary discomfort. ]

Was that...?

[It's already too late, so Guren won't try to turn his face away or hide anything. He's staring at the ceiling a little too blankly, and when Dextera's face comes into view, his eyes slide over to him. He's moving again? He's going to end up hurting himself.]

Yeah. It's just a nuisance, so don't worry about it.

[He sighs, and it's not nearly as heavy as it needs to be, but he really doesn't want to worry Dextera over drama that he can't even begin to explain. He pushes himself up, leaning over to take Dextera's shoulders carefully.]

It hurts, doesn't it? If you're not careful, one of those wounds could start bleeding again. Get comfortable.

...

[ it doesn’t feel good to just leave guren like this. even if dextera isn’t going anywhere, it’s letting the conversation die that feels like he’s abandoning him.

however, he settles back down, knowing that guren is right. he probably already is bleeding. ]

At least give me your hand.

[Please don't be bleeding... Guren is going to worry if they end up sleeping and he wakes up to more blood. Dextera can't afford to lose much more like that.

His hand, though. It's a little different to hear it asked for like that, instead of just having it taken or gestured at. He offers it to him with a faint smile.]

Sorry. [He adds that now, since the moment was so thoroughly ruined. He'd probably worried him. Guren shifts to lie down like they had been before, close and comfortable, even with his hand offered out.]

But I probably should have stopped to let you breathe, anyway. [Haha... he went so hard for the smooches]

[ of all the ways dextera could completely lose his breath, smooching is among the best. if it hadn’t been interrupted, by guren or the demon that hangs over his shoulders, there’s a non-negligible chance that dextera would have let himself pass out going for it.

he takes guren’s hand, lacing their fingers together and closing his eyes. it’s not comfortable, exactly, but he’d rather be like this than apart for a second longer. ]

It’s fine.

[ he means it. if guren is all right, that’s what matters. ]

Give me some time... I just need to heal.

[ He had a feeling he wanted to hold his hand, but doing it like this is still different. Guren immediately laughs warmly, giving his hand a light squeeze and running his thumb up and down where their fingers link. It’s nice. He’ll let his own hand rest at an awkward angle to make it easier on Dextera. Hopefully. ]

So you want me to kiss you again when you’re all better?

[ He will, of course. He’ll do it all the time, if he can. Whenever he gets the chance... ] Hurry up and heal faster.

[ He’s worried still. But maybe like this... they can get some rest, and then Guren can brave the fog to see what medicinal plants he may be able to find and bring back. ]

Hmm.

[ dextera turns his face away from guren, but there’s an airiness to it that suggests he’s only teasing—playing coy, when guren accuses him of wanting to be kissed.

there’s no hiding it, though. even if he could turn away completely, the smile is audible even in the lilt of his voice. ]

[ He’s so cute when he’s himself that Guren can’t believe he was more meek at first. Or... hesitant, maybe? He’d slowly opened up, and the more Guren saw, the more he liked. Now, there’s this coyness that has him laughing, leaning closer to press a kiss right by his ear. ]

Maybe I’ll hold back unless you ask me, later.

[ But he couldn’t even hold back now, could he? He chuckles, and even if his thoughts are still heavy in the back of his mind, and Mahiru is still very real, he’s able to relax. ]

[ dextera feels more like himself, around guren. losing his memories made him reserved, made him afraid—but guren has never taken advantage of that any more than a normal person would, and dextera was able to respond with his true self in kind.

now, it’s paid off. he squeezes guren’s fingers instead of speaking, finding his energy to answer draining out of him the more he lies here with his eyes closed. eventually, he’s thinking nothing at all, slipping into a well-earned rest.

this one is plagued with no nightmares, perhaps due to guren’s sure and steady weight at his side, their fingers laced together. ]

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