90s sadness and gay???

[dtective]

[By this point, Leon has lost track of how long he's been searching for Count D. It became an obsession that only grew with time, and now he couldn't keep to one spot anymore. Not while D was still out there. Across cities, across countries, he probably looked insane to everyone around him. But they didn't know the half of it! Sometimes even Leon wasn't sure he understood what he was doing.

Right now wasn't the time to doubt himself, though. He'd hoped that this lead would get him even an inch closer to his goal, but he hadn't counted on spotting him in the streets. It had to be him. He'd seen him turn and look at him, and those eyes—]

Wait! Stop right there!

[He doesn't hold back, shoving his way through the crowded streets and keeping his eyes locked on him. It doesn't work, because of course it doesn't, and his steps slow in his confusion. His heart is beating way too fast, his stomach sinks, and for a moment he's sure he's lost his one chance.

But something catches the corner of his eye, and his instinct tells him to turn. He reaches out, grabbing the first wrist he can and meeting D's eyes with his own.]

...Found you.

Comments

[dtective]

No shit. You think I haven't learned that by now?

[He's just saying... He squeezes the pillow between his hands. Honestly, he knew everything he was signing up for the moment he decided to leave. It was everything he'd missed, and every bit of how worse it would be after everything. He's sure he'll almost die a dozen more times, that D will get involved in all sorts of crazy shit, but...

If D's going to be in all of this, Leon wants to be, too.]

[pruning]

This time, I would like to be very sure.

[Of Leon listening to him and not just being ornery in his corner, among other things. He might even get to those other things, but he also might... really, really not.]

However, I would like to ask you... Do you actually speak Italian? We may be here for quite some time.

[dtective]

I know enough!

[He's seen enough movies... But alright, he'll prove it! Uhhh, there was one phrase he remembered that sounded really long and impressive... He doesn't really remember what it means, but that doesn't matter, surely.]

La migrazione dell'anguilla europea è un mistero per la scienza.

[His pronunciation is hideous to top it all off.]

[pruning]

[What

the hell. He's already reconsidering this bizarre arrangement of theirs, thanks a lot Leon.]

I would bore you with the startling truth behind eel migration, but as I'm fairly certain you have no idea what you just said, I will spare you.

[dtective]

What are you going on about? That was definitely something about the mafia...

[Why would he memorize anything other than cool stuff he sees in movies or on menus at restaurants? He forgot where he picked that one up, but whatever!]

I know the only language that matters, anyway. People know a little here and there, and I've gotten by just fine!

[pruning]

[No... stop. D stares at him before he just sighs, resigned to this being a hopeless endeavor. Leon should not be allowed near other languages, he'll ruin them. He's the most American man to ever exist, it's unbelievable.]

And will you continue to get by like that? How are you going to spend your days here? You can't honestly sit on that couch every day, all day.

[Please do not.]

[dtective]

I don't know, this isn't so bad.

[In example, he shifts to lay across the couch, kicking up his feet and still holding onto this little pillow.] Maybe I'll wander around and check out the scenery, do some wine tasting, meet some babes...

[He is seeing the Bright Side of Italy, even if he's totally ignoring how insane he'll go if he doesn't get a job. Specifically a job he'll feel good about doing.]

[pruning]

Yes, and then what will you do after your first day?

[He Knows you, Leon... he knows that will all last about five hours, tops. Not even the whole first day. He's also had it with Leon putting his feet everywhere so he stands and moves around the table to frown down at Leon. What to do... reach down and try to pull the pillow away from him, yes.

Sit up, lazy.]

[dtective]

[He's in denial here. The pillow snatching works and D gets a look for it, but he presses on with his happiness just to be a punk about it. His arms move back to rest behind his head, instead, as he continues to lounge all over that couch.]

I don't know, eat pizza? I'll figure something out. Just because you don't know how to have a good time doesn't mean I don't.

[Like, he says this, but he has to be working to take a vacation from it...]

[pruning]

[Sit up, you bum!!!!]

Are you having an especially good time putting your feet all over my furniture? I will have you cleaning the shop from top to bottom if you can't think of a better way to make yourself useful!

[dtective]

Aw, come on, don't be such a nag! I thought you missed me?

[Streeeeeeetching out, look at him enjoying himself and snagging back that pillow, thanks—]

Sit back, relax and enjoy my company!

[pruning]

[sTOP THAT]

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, my dear detective. You're already pushing your limits!

[This is stupid... he's going for the pillow again. Give him that!!]

[dtective]

Too late! There's no take-backs.

[Nope, he's going to duck and turn and hold the pillow closer, it's his... He, a grown ass man, has this pillow and no one else can take it back.]

Don't you have some tomatoes to check on or something? [Get him his food, he's hungry, has it been an hour yet]

[pruning]

You can't eat if you're going to be like this over a pillow.

[So there, you actual child. But fine, rather than waste perfectly good food, D will turn and march away to check on the tomatoes. Let's say the egg timer conveniently goes off just as he's looking, so he can bring the whole dang dish out for Leon's lazy ass in a few more minutes. There's a pot holder and some utensils, too.

Don't say he doesn't do things for you...!! Those things do not currently include handing Leon any utensils, though. Those are behind his back the way only mature adults hide utensils behind their backs.]

Give me the pillow.

[dtective]

[What the hell!! Leon sits up with half of a grumble, shoving the pillow into D's chest the second the food is set down.]

If you think I won't just shove those things into my mouth by hand, I don't know what to tell you.

[Now give him the fork before he literally does it and burns his mouth off.]

[pruning]

[Extra rude!! D does not necessarily throw a fork at him, but he passes it in a way that is suspiciously irritable and could be mistaken for throwing a fork at someone from the right angle, including Leon's.

He then calmly picks up the pillow from where it fell lamely to the floor, to fluff it and put it back where it belongs on the end of this couch. It seems to need his protection, so he seats himself next to Leon and frowns at him. The frown is not new and has been there since the fork was not thrown.]

Burning yourself to prove a stupid point! Barbarian.

[dtective]

The only point is that I'm starving.

[Making this lame, pouty face at that fork throwing, he grips it tighter and immediately stabs it into one of the tomatoes to cut off a piece and shove it into his mouth. He still probably burns his tongue, but after that he perks up.]

Hey, this isn't too bad after all!

[pruning]

[What a moron... D quits messing with the pillow long enough to give him a Look. Don't say it like that.]

How backhanded of you. Don't spill any rice.

[dtective]

What?

[As he says this, some rice sprays out right there... He's not sorry at all if some flings out at D.]

Learn to take a compliment as it is! [Backhanded, who cares.] If I get meals like this every day, I could get used to staying with you!

[pruning]

[GROSS oh my god now he has to pick rice off his pristine dress thing, this is disgusting!!]

When will you get used to not speaking with your mouth full?

[dtective]

[Don't be such a baby?? Leon just looks pleased at the suffering he's put D through as he shoves more food into his mouth. Look at him devour this... Has it really been just a couple of days without real food, or weeks...

Well, this entire traveling thing has been a mess, so.]

Have you sold any pets here, yet?

[He's asked something that basically amounted to this earlier, but he wasn't satisfied with the answer, so here he goes again. Also: talking with his mouth full. He will never stop, clearly.]

[pruning]

[Okay, don't spit rice everywhere but also don't starve. D would be bothered if Leon suddenly collapsed from being malnourished. He's doing something about it, see.]

...No, I haven't. You must know how short my stay here has been, so far.

[He plucks distractedly at the edges of the pillow as he says this. Look, no one is dead, Leon should know if he's such a good detective.]

[dtective]

[Sometimes it takes them a few days to die, okay.]

Yeah, but you've been one step ahead of me this whole time until now. For all I knew you could have sold something off to the President of Italy on your first day!

[He wouldn't put it past him. He can't exactly stop him from doing that anyway, but he needs to be here for it...]

[pruning]

I'm surprised you knew Italy has a president.

[Although he's raising an eyebrow, because he's 99% sure that was a guess in the vein of "why wouldn't it be just like America??" Make his day.]

Regardless, I am telling you the truth.

[dtective]

What are you talking about? Italy is a modern country.

[Hmmm, yes, guess whose suspicions were 100% correct. He's going to eat his tomato as if he wasn't just incredibly insulting on so many levels.]

I'll believe you. Someone would be barging in or calling you right now if you weren't telling the truth.