teaism | pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

[Compared to this, the talking furniture from ages ago seemed almost pleasant. The door clicks shut behind them, and Guren almost wants to drop down right here. It's the first building they've come across in a while now— some sort of cabin in the woods that's falling apart just like the rest of the town they'd started in. Guren was bleeding from a variety of areas— a number of spots on his torso, his head, his face, his thigh— and that doesn't even start on the broken bones he's sporting, but he had a demon to take care of those injuries.

The man he was trying to support next to him was a different story. Hadn't they said something about not wanting to test if he could die and come back...?]

Look at me, Dex. [Guren wasn't trying to hide his worry now. He'd arrived too late, or at least that's his perspective. He shows up and something is nearly finished toying with Dextera like he's some sort of doll— something grey, with wings. Guren couldn't grasp what was happening, but interrupting had shown him that he was nearly outmatched. Nearly. With some biting words, he'd slain the creature(?) just before he was about to be offed himself. It was risky, to say the least.

But they're indoors now. Indoors, and there have to be supplies they can make use of somewhere. He staggers his next step forward as he tries to lead Dextera in, coughing blood against the back of his own hand. He's noticing that even his own injuries are staying longer than usual, somehow...]

Damn it...

[But he needs to know how Dextera is doing. How much can he handle? Guren doesn't want to find out his limit right now. One hand grips at Dextera's shoulder. They've been supporting each other the whole walk here, and he's trying not to weigh him down. His other hand, though the back of it is bloody now, rests against Dextera's chest carefully.] Sit down here.

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[ dextera is happy, for a variety of reasons—but it's most obvious in the way he immediately relaxes against guren's side. now that he's not holding himself back trying to make room for someone else, it's easy to just melt into the bed. (old as it is, a mattress is a mattress, and there are blankets to ease the feeling.) even with a voice, though, saying yes seems like such a direct answer... so he lets his movements speak for themselves, saying more in the way he buries his face against guren's arm as soon as it's possible.

it's not necessarily comfortable, but it's welcome. more pleasant by far than being in this bed alone would have been. ]

[Guren watches as he so easily relaxes into him, and he's immediately captivated. What a simple gesture it is, relaxing like that, turning into him— but it makes his heart throb, and his expression softens while he's not worried about keeping it one way or the other. Like this, relaxed and happy, Dextera does look his best. If those wounds and blood stains were gone, it would be perfect.

He's not exactly comfortable on this tiny bed himself, but feeling that weight next to and leaning into him is comfortable. It makes him relax a little more himself, and he lets out a slow breath he was holding.

Again, he wants to kiss him, but he's holding it back. The look he has pointed at Dextera certainly isn't lacking in any of that fondness, affection or desire, but all he does is tuck that blanket in a little over Dextera's further shoulder, and then settle back into the bed a bit more himself.

Silence is fine, just like this, the two of them, and so he doesn't say a word this time.]

[ it's funny how, even with his voice working, silence seems the best between them. there are things that words don't quite capture, feelings that would require a poet to say—though dextera wouldn't say no to someone giving him an idea of what he feels. how to express it. it's all there, bound in his chest, held not because of voicelessness, but because of other, more common reasons.

but he meant it when he said he wanted to live with guren. even with both of them injured, it's hard to complain about this. ]

...

[ if he moves slowly, it's not quite so bad. the less of his body that twists, the better, and so he's deliberate about the way that he moves his arm across guren—holding him, even if it seems a bold gesture coming from someone who's usually so meek. guren does these things to him. ]

[That is bold. And in the middle of thinking his own thoughts, with his heart beating a little faster at each shift closer, it feels like a personal attack. The breath he lets out for it is amused.]

So I was just an extra pillow? [Silence does work better in so many ways, but when he feels overwhelmed by emotions, he doesn't always know how to handle it. A joke? A push away?

He doesn't dare push Dex away. Instead, despite his words, he moves his arms around him in kind, holding him close. He'd pull him even closer if he weren't afraid of hurting him.]

Huh?

[ the noise is out before he can stop it. genuine bafflement, even though he's no stranger to guren hiding his feelings with a joke or a dry comment. it just catches him off guard this time, when he was basking in their quiet together.

—then guren is holding him, too, and dextera wishes for a moment he would risk the pain to pull him closer. it might not even hurt. ]

Don't say that.

[ he breathes out a laugh, but there's something nervous behind it—he even muffles himself by turning his face further against guren. ]

[Hmm, his laugh is nice, even if it sounds nervous.]

Ahaha. [A quiet laugh himself as his hand finds the back of Dexetera's head again, running down through his hair and then resting at the base of his neck, tracing a circle over his skin.]

What should I say, then? You just turned to use me even more.

[How can one man be so bad at this]

[ don't bully!! ]

I'm not using you.

[ a quiet protest, now that he's got the capability. silence is good, but when it's casual conversation like this—even with something undercutting it all—the ability to speak isn't being taken for granted. he doesn't need to say anything for guren tracing his neck, though. goosebumps raise along his surely-warm skin, sensitive as he is. ]

[ gently bullying him is so easy, though... the protesting is cute, though, and this is about the line where Guren won’t push further. He does feel like it’s strange that anyone would hold him like this— him, of all people— but he knows Dextera isn’t trying to do anything like use him. So, self-deprecating humor falls suspiciously short, and he watches instead as the way he traces shapes on the back of Dextera’s neck earns reactions. ]

Alright, alright. [ His answer to that insistence. He takes a slow, deep breath, thinking about Dextera’s voice and running a free hand up his side. In a friend way...??? ]

[ guren may no longer be verbally bullying him, but this feels like teasing, anyway. he must know that the fingers at his neck are already doing something, and having a hand along his side makes dextera's breath quicken, slightly. they touch each other. that's normal. they touch each other a lot, and so there's a precedent for this kind of thing—but maybe it's the fact that they almost died that makes this seem like something more. ]

Guren.

[ another protest? a request? he untucks his face, and guren can probably see that even dextera isn't sure what he wants. ]

You don't—

[ you don't have to do this. ]

[ Once again, Guren is caught off guard, and this time, he’s misunderstood in such a way that it’s a little like being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. What had been a simple motion, a desire, a way to keep him close without pulling at him, had gone a little too far. Both hands freeze in place. ]

Sorry. Is it bugging you? [ He looks calm as he asks that, but he’s in a little bit of an inward panic. Now he’s wondering how much he’s imagined or what he was thinking to slip and show so much like that. He pulls his hand away from Dextera’s side and lifts it between them, as if in surrender. ]

I wasn’t thinking. [ Just feeling, really... ]

[ there he goes, ruining this nice thing by panicking that he's receiving too much of it. dextera hadn't meant to call guren out—maybe it's better that he keeps quiet after all, in these things. ]

No. It's not...

[ he trails off. it's not bugging him. he likes it. it would be easy to say that, but also beyond embarrassing—almost childish, really, in how earnest it sounds even in his own mind. they're both adults here, even if they're adults who are cuddling in an old bed. ]

It's not that.

[ Oh. He can understand that, at least, and he pauses only to think of how to handle it. Again, he’s left wondering if this is a good idea, or if it would be better to tell Dextera not to bother getting excited about a guy like him. He remembers the earlier wish, that spoken desire to live with him, and his heart flutters. Embarrassing.

It really is, but he wouldn’t give this up for the world.

His hand moves back, this time to touch Dextera’s face softly as he leans closer and kisses him. It’s deep, lengthy, and when he’s satisfied, he’s looking anywhere but his face. ]

Then don’t worry about anything. [ The worrying is his job, apparently ]

[ that's one way to solve it. dextera genuinely wasn't expecting this, but it places the earlier, chaste kiss into a larger context—and dextera wishes he had kissed back, hanging on that small regret long enough to miss the chance to do it this time. ]

Guren—

[ it's a good thing he's not in the fucking hospital because his heartbeat is wild right now, and his eyes are wide and marveling to match. he starts to go in to return the kiss, only to remember that movement is stupid. a soft noise of pain leaves him, a sign of his forcible reminder that he's not going anywhere right now. ]

...ngh.

[ he got too excited and now his body is punishing him... he's fine, just cowed. ]

[Oh no, poor Dextera... Guren can't help but frown in response, reaching to hold him sturdy as he deals with that reaction. Did he do that?? Woops.]

...I guess I should stop. [If Dex is getting this excited... But also— he shifts, turning himself more towards Dextera, positioning himself so that they can be even closer. Arms still wrapped around Dex, his head against one of the pillows, he's trying to make it easier for them to be as close as possible.]

Don't move too much. Rest, and in a while, I'll see if I can't find some kind of plant to help with all the pain. [It's just a little harder to say when everything is gray.]

[ guren is so cool about it that dextera almost feels a little embarrassed for being this into it—but guren is the one who started it! now dex is dealing with the consequences.

it’s unfair. ]

I’ll be—fine.

[ maybe? he wants to take advantage of this time that they have together, the privacy and also this bed no not like that, but it’s his own fault for getting himself so beat up. ]

...you should rest too.

[It's an illusion; he's only cool on the outside. Inwardly, right about now, he's having to tell himself again and again not to let his hands wander, that Dextera is hurt, that he shouldn't be thinking about anything more than letting him rest. As much as he'd like to cover him in kisses and hope they help, he knows they won't, really.

It's just... this desire for a comfort he's never really had. As much as people fell all over him, they were all crazy and shit was always going down and he never knew what he wanted. Right now, it feels like he does.

All of that thought fills a long pause as his hand rests at the side of Dextera's neck. His fingers twitch a little like he wants to move them, but he holds back.]

I can't really sleep. [So, no,] But I'll stay here while you rest.

[He's already thinking of needing to change out all the makeshift bandages he'd placed, of cleaning them off, but there's no running water in this house. They'll have to go out for that. Hmm. He's watching Dextera's face, but maybe staring at someone makes it harder for them to sleep, so his eyes dip down to watch his own hand at his neck.]

Let me know if you need anything.

[ dextera has never been... tended to, in recent memory.

it’s strange to have someone watching him, probably worrying about him, although he can’t even hope to guess what’s on guren’s mind. for as long as he’s been descending the neuro tower, his wounds were his own, and it was blind luck that got him to god’s chamber.

it’s foreign to need to be nursed back from the brink. he doesn’t especially like the idea that he’ll have to stay here and rest, though guren’s presence—the promise of it—makes it more tolerable. makes it nice, even.

but he would be moving again if he didn’t have guren here, out of fear and stubbornness. ]

...

[ he’s quiet for a moment, and although guren looked away, dextera’s eyes flick up so he can watch guren’s face—now that he’s down like this, relaxing, some of the tension between them easing after a kiss, he is tired... but also, there’s guren. so close.

and dextera is great at staring. ]

[He'd been looking away on purpose, to avoid making it awkward for Dextera, but now that he's being stared at himself... he lifts his gaze slowly to meet his. It's quiet again, and that same heavy tension that he doesn't have a name for is trying to settle in, again. It's not bad at all, but it does make Guren a bit restless.

He has plenty he wants to say, but he's never been good at saying it. He's glad they met. He's glad Dextera is alive. He wants to live with him, too. He wants him to be happy, no matter what. He just can't help but think that that last point might contradict with the earlier...

This staring is even getting to Guren, though. He can keep a straight face, but eventually, he'll want to break the silence before it gets too tense.]

We both look like a mess right now. [Yes, that's the reason for the staring, definitely. Guren pulls a hand back to rub at his cheek, where he's positive there must be dried blood. Just like everywhere else.] It's too bad it's not easier to take a bath.

[He wants one... Even if those aren't the most pleasant with wounds. He's used to it.]

[ a bath... another thing he's largely gone without since the blaze, but it's also something that wasn't necessary. he doesn't get dirty when he just dies.

but the thought of taking a bath with guren—even if that's not explicitly what was being proposed—is thrilling, although it also seems like a terrible idea with the way they're both beat up and can hardly move. either way, guren is right. it's not easy to take a bath with things as they are in this old town.

forcing himself through the slight pain, he reaches up between them, touching some of the blood on guren's face. ]

...I don't care.

[ ugh... he's smiling... there might be something sappy on the horizon here. guren didn't escape by changing the subject. ]

I'm just glad to see you.

[A bath for the two of them would be extra nice, though he doesn't trust his self control right now. It'd end up too tense, right, and Dextera is in pain and shouldn't be getting up to any scandalous things. Still, it definitely crossed Guren's mind, as well.

But now, he's dealing with an attack out of nowhere. A hand on his face, a smile that he can't look away from and words that make him look down anyway. He breathes out a laugh automatically.]

Don't be so embarrassing.

[Even if he could say that's my line or something similar, it's not his style... Not at all. He thinks it's obvious, anyway. All of his worrying hasn't gone unnoticed, he knows.]

You see me all the time.

Not like this.

[ they have their moments of peace, but even with their friendship as tactile as it is—was? where are they now?—cuddling face-to-face is a brave new world. it's nice, to be so close to guren. close enough that he can just touch his face and stare into his eyes. ]

Could you—? [ no. too bold!! ] I think I'd like it if you kissed me again.

...

[Well, hopefully while staring directly into his eyes, Dextera can catch the most embarrassed and surprised expression to ever cross Guren's face for a split second. His face feels hot, but he's sure any slight blush is blocked by blood and dirt, anyway.]

You think so? [It's cute, the way he says it like that instead of asking. He thought working Dextera up like this would be a bad idea, but he wants more? Peaceful cuddling and kissing doesn't sound bad at all...]

Just don't let me hurt you. [That's what he decides on saying before he closes what little distance is left, turning his head slightly to catch Dextera's lips in a soft, slow kiss.]

[ he knows he wants to be kissed!! but it's hard to just up and ask for something like that, when he's hardly used to asking for anything at all.

since he's prepared this time, he closes his eyes with the slightest tension from anticipation—but as soon as guren connects, he melts. this is what he wanted, after all, even if he can't return the favor as actively as he'd like to.

he has to settle for trying to shift closer. the only sign that it might hurt at all is the hitch in his breathing, but it's gone as soon as it's heard, and he's wholly glad to be kissing guren like this. he's not an expert at cuddling and kissing and all this soft, sweet affection, but he knows a little bit about what he's doing. it's exciting. ]

[It's nice. It's so nice that Guren feels his heart swell, and he's still not sure if that's a good or a bad thing in relation to his own demon. He can feel Mahiru stirring in his mind, and he muffles her as much as he can. He doesn't need this moment ruined.

Trying to help with Dextera's sore body, Guren moves closer still, so that there's no gap left to close. Even his leg slips closer, between both of Dextera's, just to have them tangled together.

Kissing is easy because it's all about feeling. He doesn't need experience or knowledge to know what feels good, to know how to express himself with it. It doesn't matter that they're both dirty, beat up and covered in blood. They have a makeshift bed that's squeaking a little too much with every small shift, they have blankets, and they have each other— as corny as that sounds, it's all Guren wants right now.

He wants it so much. Too much? He pauses in the kiss before he tries to deepen it too much. Breathing against Dextera's lips, his hand slides up his neck to the side of his face, cupping his cheek.]

I'm glad I get to see you, too. [It's so quiet, it's barely above a whisper. He's late, he knows, but he realized he wanted to say it before it was too late.]

[ it's a shame that this is all on the heels of such injury, or else dextera would be all in favor of deepening it here and now. who knows when they'll ever again have such a perfect setup, even if the strange fog of the forest is still heavy around the house they've found? it's not even eerie, when they're safe inside, together on this bed.

when they part, his breath is soft, softer than his voice, but there's desire behind it that he wishes he could act on. ]

You mean... a lot to me.

[ dextera wants to say more than that, but even he's embarrassed at the thought of being so honest, so quickly. there are some things that need to be saved for a rainy day, although today he discovered that that rainy day might never come if he isn't careful.

but for now, this is enough. he laughs a breath against guren's mouth, as if in apology for saying something like that in the first place. ]

I'm sorry.

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