teaism | pls don't judge me I have so many injured guren icons okay

[The start of a sound gets Guren to look up at Dex's face, but when nothing more comes, his heart sinks a little. He can't speak again? Guren lifts a hand to rest gently against Dextera's cheek.]

Hey. [He's cleaning wounds, bandaging with better materials that took a little more scrounging up— he'll do whatever he can. But seeing that sad face is too much.] Don't worry. We're both alive. That's what matters.

[So, he'll stop beating himself up (outwardly), and hopefully Dextera won't want to beat himself up, either. His hand drops away, joining the other at taking a look at injuries, tugging at Dextera's clothes to move them out of the way if he has to.]

So stay that way.

[ dextera takes comfort in guren’s hand against his cheek while he has it, and when guren pulls away—even if it’s to keep touching him, in other places—he feels the loss of it keenly and finds himself leaning forward without thinking about it.

he should have said more, while he still had it within him. in the aftermath, he can think of all the things he’d like to express.

now—well, now, he reaches out to place his hand against guren’s chest as before, this time with no real purpose, even if it means stopping him in the middle of his fretful first aid. dextera had been taking it without argument, but he’s settling again, waking properly. ]

[Dextera seems like he's going to make it. He has this far, so there's no reason it would get worse. A human body is more resilient than it looks— though he's not sure that he'd call Dextera human, it seems about the same. Even if he was used to dying, here he was, hanging on.

So, working so anxiously was an excuse to move his hands, on top of everything else. A fidget. A comfort that never sets in and leaves Guren feeling helpless when he stops. He was late, and even in being late, he was useless. He killed it, but did he learn a damn thing? No. Now, the fog meant it was too dangerous to head straight back out there, so they'd have to rest here and hope there were enough supplies.

That look from Dex, though, has Guren falling into his own silence. His heart aches, worries, freezes and warms all at once, and he moves his own hand back to cover Dextera's. Over his chest like this, he wonders if he can feel his heavy heartbeat. He breathes slowly, forcing himself to make it normal, and his other hand dies in its task. He's stopped completely now, just watching Dextera's expression.]

[ staring is all he has, when his voice fails him. they've communicated well enough without a laptop before now, with dextera writing out his answers on guren's hand, but now that seems almost... trivial. there are so many things that he could say and none of them would be satisfied on a word alone.

he doesn't care that guren is bloodied, that both of them are bloodied and have only just come back from the brink of death. all that matters is that guren is here, and alive, and warm. his heartbeat under dextera's palm is a welcome reminder that his mistakes didn't get guren killed. ]

...

[ he pulls his fingers out from under guren's now, but only to guide guren's hand from his chest to dextera's face, replacing his palm against his cheek. more than a bandage or a gauze, he wants this. ]

[Oh.

Guren brushes his fingers against Dextera's cheek, watching his expression. He wants the comfort? Maybe a hug would be the right thing to do? But he's awkward and he's sad and that would take his eyes off of him. He doesn't think he wants that right now. He's holding his breath, for some reason, but it slips out in a soft sigh at this sight.

Of course. Of course this would help, and he feels silly for pulling back and thinking he'd only been comforting himself. He ducks down and forward, kissing the corner of Dextera's lips on the side without his hand. It's chaste, of course; he's lost in thoughts and emotions. Words, as usual, aren't enough. He swipes his thumb over his cheek, instead.]

[ a chaste kiss is still a kiss, still more than normal, and dextera draws in a surprised breath—but it's quiet, only distinguishable from his usual breathing for how quickly it comes, and the way he holds it for a beat afterwards. still—something's there, he thinks, in the back of his throat. his voice, waiting to come out.

dextera closes his eyes, as if hiding his sight could coax out sound. ]

Guren.

[ there's no dreamy fantasy to this one—his voice, just as soft as before, but whole and real and more than just a word when it's a name. dextera squeezes guren's hand, and he'll wait to be sorry later if it hurts.

they could have died. guren could have died. ]

[Such a gently spoken name would have him blushing any other time. Right now, though, it underlines the significance of everything that just happened. Guren can shove his tears back and pretend he's fine, despite the way his chest still throbs and his throat feels dry, but... It was a barely sort of thing.

His other arm moves to wrap around Dextera, pulling him into his chest, held hand and all. He doesn't care if that squeeze hurts. It's a reminder that they're both still alive.]

I'm right here. It's okay. [Patiently, softly, he speaks. His free hand runs down the back of Dextera's head, through his hair, and then he's rubbing his back, slow and repetitive.] We're tougher than we look.

If I had lost you—

[ dextera cuts himself off, not because of his voice this time, but because he just doesn't know what to say. the feelings are there, but there are far too many words to follow such a thought. it feels like there's nothing in the world that could be as important as this moment, the quietude of this house, this town, surrounding them and keeping them safe even if the reality is they're probably still in danger.

it does hurt, a little, to have guren pull him in—but there's a relief in it that soothes it just as quickly. he'd take that pain a thousand times over whatever would surely be worse in guren's absence. ]

[ Even at a time like this, with sad words like that that he could steal for himself, it’s nice to hear Dextera’s voice. ]

Who, me? [ Since he’s managing to seem pulled together, he can try to lighten this himself. It’s no good when Dex is so sad, so worried— he should focus on relief. He hums like he’s considering the worry, like it’s small. ] I was never going anywhere. I just wanted to be able to hear your voice.

[ A liar with bad jokes, but he’s trying. Death had been uncomfortably close. He’d been right there. Guren loosens his hold around Dextera slightly, but stays leaning close, fingers curling where they are. ]

[ dextera doesn't know why now. his voice is there, coming as he calls it, and he's not going to question the ease with which he speaks when everything else seems so hard.

you're important to me, he wants to say, but it seems like a waste of breath when that's so obvious. this would be a different situation if guren weren't important to him. should he apologize, then? he's the idiot who nearly got himself killed, and guren's the one who rescued him. he can't fathom himself as being half as important to guren as guren is to him, but that's not what matters. ]

Don't leave. Promise me.

[ it seems as if he's ignoring guren's comment altogether, but he heard it, and he's taking it to heart. he just won't feel right if he lets his worry slide without putting this on the table—if guren was never going anywhere, then dextera will hold him to that, from now on. ]

[Guren really wonders why these are the words that Dextera uses his voice for. Him? Asking him for a promise? He goes quiet for a moment, considering if it's possible to give as a promise. But the truth is, he'd promise it either way, right? He just has to try not to make this one empty. He has to be stronger.

He pulls back just enough to see Dextera's face.]

I won't. I promise.

[Again, his fingers brush over where his palm rests against Dextera's face.] If you're going to make me promise, shouldn't you do the same?

[ dextera’s expression twists into a wry smile—even without saying it, he’s clearly amused that guren would turn it back around on him. ]

I guess you’re right. I’m sorry.

[ he loves this contact, bruised and still bleeding in places as he is. it shows in every little movement, in the way he turns his face slightly into guren’s palm. ]

I’m just surprised you’re asking.

[Hm... he's getting called out in such a soft voice. Guren is learning that Dextera lives to sass him like this, and he's not sure how he feels about it being easier. For now, he's a little caught off guard, scrunching up his face to make it look like irritation instead of embarrassment.]

We're friends, aren't we? You nearly died. Why wouldn't I ask? [Friends, he says, caressing his face... He'd pinch him, but he doesn't want him to hurt any more than he already is.] Don't give me "I'm sorry," just do it.

[ friends—hmm.

there are no sassy hits of the keyboard to accompany dextera’s thought, nor does he even make a sound. friends? is that enough?

he pulls himself free of guren’s hand, leaning forward to rest on his shoulder, now. his scar hurts, from exertion or something else he doesn’t know.

guren is alive. that’s plenty. ]

I told you. I won’t die. I want to—

[ he cuts himself off. ]

[His hand hovers in the air for a moment before he keeps it loosely around Dextera, resting on his back. Guren turns to look at how he's resting against him, still a good amount of worried about all of those injuries— but it must be fine, if Dextera is able to speak like that.]

You want to what?

...

[ it’s selfish, maybe, to feel this way. he’s been told that before, that he didn’t deserve to want, or that chasing something, someone, would only end in his baroque taking over.

but he almost died, legitimately this time. doesn’t he deserve a reprieve? ]

I want to live. With you.

[ not for you—a critical difference, even for dextera. he wants to live, and he wants guren to be there with him.

neither of them can die, for this to work out. it’s a fair, albeit difficult, deal. ]

[With him. Guren is quiet, for a moment, surprised and touched all at once. He almost doesn't know what to say. For you would be all wrong, so comparatively, with you is much better... but with him? He's a mess, and he'll never understand people wanting to be around him.

He smooths his hand over Dextera's back.]

With me? Are you sure about that? [Self-deprecating, but he laughs, quiet and pleased. After all, he selfishly wants the same. He doesn't know that it's a good idea, but he doesn't care right now. He's avoided enough throughout his life. He wants this.]

Live with me, then. Whatever else is out there, we can take care of it. But we should rest here for a while, first.

[ dextera nods, against guren, and finds himself touching where guren’s worst wound was, against his chest. it must have worked, the purification, and he’s deeply glad that he didn’t accidentally kill guren in the process. ]

I’m sorry about earlier. Your wounds...

[ he can’t remember much of it now, his memory smoothed over from the pain and adrenaline. ]

They’re almost entirely gone. Was that you “purifying?”

[ Because it sure hurt, which he won’t say, but whatever magic or curse had been put to block his demon, ironically, seemed to be cleared up thanks to it. Guren slides his hand up to toy with the ends of Dextera’s hair. ]

Something was blocking my regeneration. It was going too slow. You helped. [ so why apologize!! ] I cant help much with yours, though...

[ He frowns now, looking down at him. ] Does anything seem worse?

[ dextera nods in response to the question of his purification, and he finally pulls back—leaning further into guren’s hand like he wants to be pet—to examine his body for himself. guren has done a nice job of cleaning him up, and he’s grateful. ]

Not worse. Just not good.

[ he clenches his fist together and immediately grimaces at the movement. another apology is on his lips, for letting himself get hurt, but he holds it back, instead frowning down at his hand. ]

I don’t think I can move like this.

["Not good" is pretty expected, looking at Dextera now. Guren obliges the lean with a few affectionate strokes through his hair. It's automatic, really, and stopping this contact seems unnatural at this point. Even if Dex is speaking right now, their bodies have always been able to say more. At least, that's what Guren thinks.]

I can carry you, but that will probably hurt, too. [So, he'd like to avoid doing it until he knows where the best place to sit with him is. He watches his own fingers lace through Dextera's hair, and then flicks his gaze down at his face again. He wants to kiss him, and he's thinking that's too wildly inappropriate. He already got one in there a few moments back...

There's just so much relief along with that concern. Hmm. Friends, though.]

Let me take a quick look at the whole cabin, and I'll see if there's anywhere a little more comfortable that I can move you. Okay?

[ dextera wouldn’t complain to be kissed again, though he wonders now, in the quiet, if he just... imagined it? or if it was an accident. or if it meant nothing at all, and dextera is just a fool. ]

...

[ on that note, he nods mindlessly at guren’s suggestion.

he’s satisfied with where they are, what they are, and it seems so stupid to ask for anything more when he should be grateful that they both survived his stupidity. it’ll take a long time for him to heal completely, and guren will most certainly get tired of worrying about him. ]

[Dextera will learn fairly quickly that Guren will never stop worrying about him. It's just part of who he is, whether or not Dextera gets into trouble, and he doesn't intend to stop caring. Even if he did, it never works when he tries that, anyway.

His hand lingers as he pulls back and stands up, fingers brushing from Dextera's hair to the side of his face, and then he's gone, wandering through the house they've stumbled into. There's an upstairs, and he heads up there after all the rooms downstairs are taken care of. There's the sound of doors, drawers and cabinets opening and shutting, and at some point there's a loud noise that doesn't sound good— but Guren's muffled yelling says that it's just him irritated at part of the floor falling apart and his foot slipping through, and it's nothing serious.

Finally, he comes back down, and there's a smile on his face as he ducks to take Dextera's hand and move it around his own shoulders.]

There's a bed that's not in half bad shape. [He had to take forever making sure it wasn't going to snap from someone sitting on it, though. Once Dextera's arm is guided around him, he hooks his own below his knees and picks him up like a princess. Delicate.] Just let me know if this hurts too much. I'll try to be careful.

[He's being very careful... but it's bound to hurt for Dextera no matter what. It's too bad he couldn't find anything for helping the pain.]

[ a bed... dextera feels plum spoiled at the thought! it’s hard to appreciate it, though, or the way guren picks him up when he finds out just how injured he actually is upon being moved.

he’s no stranger to internal pain, but wounds pulling this way and that, opening in places they had been able to relax when he was slumping over—it’s new. and he grunts through his teeth, a sound all the more pathetic because it’s really not one he usually makes. guren has seen him cry plenty of times, but this is a different, straightforward hurt. ]

Ggh...

[ he doesn’t speak on this one, the words pushed out of him by his pain. instead, he digs his fingers into guren’s shoulder, clenching his teeth together. ]

[Again, he's reminded of how he should have been able to stop this. If he had gotten here sooner, or been stronger, he could have stopped it before it got this bad. He could have been better himself, and treated Dextera much sooner, as well.

But a pity party isn't going to help, and so he frowns at Dex in his arms, but automatically begins moving to the stairs.]

Bear with it a little longer. Once I set you down, it should feel better.

[Up the stairs, and it's a little bit of a complicated process there, with how they're falling apart. But he'd memorized it, and so it was just a matter of stepping carefully to avoid too much bouncing for poor Dextera. The room is just down the hallway, once he gets to the top, the door already open.

He's made sure to have it ready, too. It's a small, twin sized thing, but there's an actual mattress on it. The old, hole filled mattress is covered with a sheet he found to make it look a little more pleasant, and he piled on a few more old, ugly blankets just to make sure it was fine. There's a pillow or two at the end of it, and another blanket at the foot of it in case it gets cold.

Carefully, Guren moves to set him down on it.]

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